Employee Evaluations--Not!

That's the title of the following list, which comes from Mom's Coppell Employees Newsletter.

The following were taken from actual employee evaluations:

1. Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and shows signs of starting to dig.
2. His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.
3. Works well when under constant supervidion and cornered like a rat in a trap.
4. When he opens his mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.
5. He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.
6. He sets low personal standards and he consistently fails to achieve them.
7. This employee should go far--the sooner he starts, the better.
8. This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
9. Got into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn't looking.
10. A photographic memory with the lens cover glued on.
11. One-celled organisms outscore him in I.Q. tests.
12. Donated his brain to science before he was quite finished using it.
13. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
14. This man has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
15. If brains were taxed, he would get a rebate.
16. If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you would get change back.
17. Some drink from the fountain knowledge; he gargled.
18. Was left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a baby.
19. This man has delusions of adequacy.
20. A gross ignoramus--144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.