Frito-Lay Week 13

Happy weekend, everyone! For the last two weeks they moved me to the Canada section of the office, which is kind of fun because I can parler francais with the two African ladies I trained with who are answering Canada calls.

Here's me in Canada...

...and my new desk.












And the winners are...

Best names
Women
Blanca
Shareen
Unique
Martrina
Denine
Tiarra
Chyri (like Sherry)
Lerissa (like La Risa)
Deidra (like Dedra Lane)
Zenobia
Tatrice
Bobi (like Bobby)
Sedoina
Saleenah

Men
Neven
Cleaver
Dajuawn
Gared
Keondre
Derrick Steel

Last names
Alexeichik
Kruslicky
Bennett (as in Elizabeth!)
Maynard

Best cities
Plano, TX
Richardson, TX
Dallas, TX (ok, so all TX cities are exciting)
Chevy Chase, MD
Medford, OR
Shoemakersville, PA
Holdenville, OK (that's for my friend Natalie)
Sun City Center, FL
Spotsylvania, VA (that sounds like a disease)

Weirdest foreign matter
cross-section of mouse skeleton (that's how she described it...ewww...rather an unpleasant call)
fish meat...??? (that's what he described it as...whatever)
Funyuns extrudate (like one giant Funyun that didn't get shaped right)

Best sign-off
"You stay blessed, ma'am!"

Best pronunciation of a silent s
The lady who kept saying "Des Moines" with the s on the end.

Best compliment
"These are beautiful chips, just beautiful."

Weirdest flavor
Storytime. A caller said he had a bag of Lay's Crab Spice and wanted to know where to buy more. I thought, "What?! There's no crab flavor. That's ridonculous." I asked him if he was sure it was Lay's. He said yes. I looked it up to make sure there was no random discontinued crab flavor. There wasn't. I hadn't heard about a new flavor like that either. I thought the guy was hallucinating or something. How could we ever make a crab chips? That's just too nasty. A few days later, I got an email saying that the new Lay's Crab Spice had been added to the system. Gross! I can't believe it's a real thing!

Most passionate where-to-buy
This lady was one of those people willing to cross the seven seas and go to the four corners of the globe to find the chips they want. I went through the whole spiel with her-- I told her Flamin' Hot Fritos aren't available in her area and where in the US of A they are available, and that I would pass on her request. She accepted that but said in resignation, "You just tell them there's a black woman in Memphis who wants her Flamin' Hot Fritos!"

Best alternate name for an expiration date
due date

Best joke
"It's so hot here I saw Superman riding in a cab!"

Dumbest comment
"I just wanted to say I love the new bag without the sunflower. I'm so glad you took it off! I hated that sunflower!" I don't know what she was talking about--as far as I know we didn't take it off. Whatever. I'm glad she's happy. The funny thing is, the same day I got a lady who said she loved the sunflower. She collects sunflower stuff and they're so happy, blah, blah.

Most random questions
"There's a cat paw print on this bag. Is there some kind of write-up about Chester Cheetah?" Write-up? What?

"Can I make my own Fritos?" I don't know. Can you?

This guy wanted to me to give him an exact ratio of how many broken chips equals one whole chip because he was counting servings. He kept saying ambiguous things like, "How do I figure the chip? The big one is the actual chip?"

"Do you know if today's Tuesday?"

Um...
I answered the phone, "Good morning. Consumer Affairs. This is Summer."
Pause. I heard, "Who is this?" in a soft, somewhat creepy voice.
"This is Frito-Lay Consumer Affairs. Can I help you?"
Pause. "No."
"OK, thanks for calling Frito-Lay."
And the next call I got was the same guy. He said, "How much are they?"
"How much are what?"
"How much are they?" Then he hung up.


Best misnomer for Funyuns
potato chips

Biggest characters
Merle, owner of Merle's BBQ restaurant in south Texas, who had an awesome twang, talked my ear off, and called me "honey".

A 48-year-old who made sure I knew he was 48 years old, and then proceeded to go on and on about the weather and getting older. He said, "One day you'll wake up and start having aches and pains, and that's called nature. It's just common sense, it's part of nature." He also kept referring to stuff (like numbers on the bag) as "goop" and "doohickey". He was a weirdie. Maybe he hadn't taken his medicine...??

Dumbest reason to get mad
This guy got all bent out of shape because he had bought a bag on the expiration date. He was so upset that the store didn't pull it off the shelf before the date. He wouldn't even open the bag.

Captain Obvious of the week
This guy got all bent out of shape too. He started by saying he was calling about the guaranteed fresh date and that the date was October 9th. I guess he may never have said, "My chips aren't fresh," but that's what it sounded like, so I got all the info from the bag and then recapped by asking him details about how the chips weren't fresh. Then it went something like this:
"Oh, they're fresh, but the date's October 9th."
And I'm thinking, "Okay, so what's the problem?" which is basically what I said.
"Today's the 16th, right?"
"Yes, sir."
"But this is dated the 9th."
"Today is August 16th. We haven't gotten to October yet."
Then the lightbulb came on. "Oh, we're not to October yet." Yeah.

Top ten callers
Once again, Michigan is among the top contenders. I always groan inwardly when I see a call coming from the 313 area code (Detroit).
1. MI, CA 27
2. TX 24
3. OH 22
4. FL, NY, PA 17
5. IL 15
6. WI 13
7. IN, GA, NC 10
8. MN, MO, TN 8
9. NJ, MA, CT 6
10. VA, SC, OK 5

Letters
Dear Sir or Madam:
We have been trying to find the Doritos Salas Chips in our neighborhood. We have been total that the Distributer in our area no longer carries them. I was wondering if there is any way that they may be able to start caring them again. My son would love to be able to start getting these item again.

Frito-Lay Inc.
I have just finished my second bag, the biggest one, of your baked Lays. These bags will expire on September, that's next month. I am a senior of 80 years old and I eat a lot of these stuff and other cereals too, low or 0 saturated fat, 0 trans fat and 0 or low sodium. Can you possibly reduce the sodium content of your baked Lays? I think more will like my idea especially we seniors at the Open Arms Adult Health Care Center and others who have high blood pressures. I will also recommend it to everyone. When will it be available, please. Often I bring this stuff to the Adult Care Center. We buy our groceries at Vons Saturn Blvd. and so with my other son and his family. Thank you so much. Let me know.

Sign of the week
This is unrelated, but it's a pretty good sign of the week. Actually it's not a sign- -it's a group name I saw on Facebook:
Where in the world are all the Captain Moronis' & Stripling Warriors'?