Week 2

...went by way faster than week 1. Yay.

Best places
Oconomowoc, WI
Brookings, OR--from Doris' parents' neighbor!
Lewisville, TX

Foreign matter not for the faint of heart
velcro
roach
cigarette butt
green scrubby pad

Best response to "Is there anything else I can help you with?"
I could use a large pizza and a backrub.

Best compliment to Flat Earth Apple Cinnamon
They're nice and pleasant. It's nice to eat something nice.

Best joke
What do you call a parrot wearing a raincoat? (punchline coming next week)

Most unnecessary information
I do my marketing at Walmart in the state of Georgia. I do my marketing at Walmart on such-and-such street, and it's an item I purchase every time I do marketing.

Best response to "What kind of Sunchips?"
The Frito-Lay kind.

Most unique reason for a compliment
The ability to taste it--this lady said due to brain damage, she has no sense of taste or smell and can actually kind of sort of taste this. Poor thing.

Most enthused consumer
The sweet old lady who couldn't tell me how thrilled she was to have discovered Miss Vickie's. I didn't think her enthusiasm could increase, but it did when I offered her coupons. She blessed me several times.

Most enthused complaining consumer
Most people are upset when they find foreign matter, but this lady who called about a piece of wood in her sunflower seeds was one of those who wasn't bothered by it, just thought we should know. She was thrilled through the roof when I offered to send her an envelope to retrieve it AND coupons. She blessed me too. I feel so blessed.

Most long-winded consumers--the frustrating and the funny
The lady who asked if we have a low-or no-sodium Frito. I told her she was in luck! We just launched a new line called Pinch of Salt in four brands, including Fritos. She proceeded to ignore that statement and go on and on and on about how unnecessary sodium is and why all the salt? and it really doesn't do anything for the flavor and why can't companies stop copying each other and be innovative and use natural flavors and spices like ginger? and who's in charge of all this? for all I know it could be people that are 300 or 400 pounds--not that I have anything against people who are heavy, but if they're not educated enough to know what goes into a good product...after a while of trying to cut in to offer her a list of our low-sodium products, which she also ignored, I recommended Pinch of Salt again and finally got her off the phone. One memorable statement was "I don't know what kind of vegetation for nutrition they have to be making these decisions," referring to our executives. Vegetation for nutrition? What's that supposed to mean? It's these kinds of people who make the days long.

Our second recipient was a food writer from North Hollywood who called to complain that his chip delivery guy stopped bringing Baked Lay's to the local carcineria where he goes every day. He told me he wanted blood. Well, can't make any promises there. Then he mentioned that he knew one of our people in Public Affairs in charge of media because she would help him with columns and whatnot. Then he started a third tangent about how young-looking and handsome and wrinkle-less he is (made sure to tell me at least three times that he's 65) and his trade secret that he usually doesn't share: apricot kernel oil applied daily to the face, mixed with something else that has trace amounts of cyanide with supposedly removes dead skin. He was a character. Went on and on, swearing by his skin care regimen, telling me he wanted blood and a reprimand for the FL driver, and asking me to "give his love" to the Public Affairs chick, and raving about Natural Ruffles which he named our best product in his column. It's these kinds of people who keep me entertained and wanting to post on the blog.

Weirdest transfer call
My neighbor got a call from someone who said he had talked to me earlier and asked to be transferred to me. I told her to send him over. Definitely had not talked to him earlier. He just had a normal complaint but I think it was bogus. How did he know my name? Must be the ringleader of a prank call gang. Creepy.

From a letter posted in the mailroom
I never carry a chip on my shoulder. I eat mine directly from the bag.

Maybe in this high school English class they should learn English
To whom it may concern:
My name is Jaelan Poole; I'm a 9th grade student at Vincent High school in Milwaukee. In my English class we're learning about media & adverting. And one of are assignments is to write the company of our favorite product and tell them what we like about the product. I enjoy your product Cheeto Cruncy, Sunflower Seeds, and Cheetos Hot Famines. They are just hot, cheesey and good, but I have a suggestion, I think that you should make Guacamole Cheetos and Sunflower Seeds. I think they will sale a lot. Thank you for taking the time out of your day and reading my letter. If you would write me back I could get points. Thank You

To the President of Frito Lay Company:
I am a fan of your products! My name is Nastasia Willis. Every chip you make has a satisfying and remarkable taste. I recently purchased a bag of your chips, Cheddar and Sour Cream Ruffles. Those chips are the highlight of my life, especially the Lays Cheddar and Sour Cream. I set each and every one of the most fantastic flowering chips on the middle of my and then let it marinate. Now as for your sun flower seeds. Wow! Those things are the highlight and most refreshing sensational product Frito Lay has ever made. When I have a taste for them, I go crazy. I buy like six bags to eat. I can eat 4 bags in 50 minutes, without my bottom and top lip getting num. Well I think every one of your products are qualified with me. If you can respond I would really appreciated your consideration. Your response will earn me extra credit

Most long-winded and hilarious fifth grader (I'm so glad she didn't call)
Dear Sir or Madam:
Hello, my name is Anne Nichols. I am a fifth grader here at Lebanon Middle School. I am writing to compliment you on your white-cheesed snack, Smartfood. Everyone that I've ever met has tried your corn-tastic treat and agreed that it's fabulous. The taste is supreme, and the color is so wonderful that it would be enough to make you want to jump into the bag and make popcorn angles. I also have some suggestions, but I won't spoil the pleasant moment. I have so much to ask and tell you. My whole family loves Smartfood. We all adore the creamy-goodness of the corn. As I nibble into the treat I only focus on the taste. It's like biting into heaven! How do you pack that much crunchiness into such a small bag? I truly have no idea how you do it. Another question, does anyone in your company ever sneak some popcorn into their mouth as they work? How do you do it? How do you make your corn so white? Your Smartfood is whiter then the board in my classroom. Your popcorn is like magic. It's like a wizard cast a spell on it and it can never turn a different color. I would love to see how you make your Smartfood enchantments. Remember earlier in my letter I told you I had some suggestions? Well, for my first proposal may I suggest a new flavor of cheese? Like maybe cheddar or parmesan, who knows! Hey, maybe you could do extra cheesiness. Another idea, have you every thought of making chocolate-covered popcorn? I know many people that would cork down more corn after it was smothered in chocolate. I mean who wouldn't? Every one loves chocolate, and who doesn't love popcorn? They are a perfect match. So once again, I thank you. But not just for taking the time to read my letter but for making Smartfood! I would be so sad if you didn't make your popcorn anymore. I mean who doesn't love to lick cheese off their fingers? It's the best part eating popcorn. Well I hope you take at least one of my suggestions but if you took all of them that would be awesome. Well either way, I hope you keep on making your Smartfood!
Sincerely,
Anne Nichols
P.S. Does Smartfood really make you smart? I am going to test that one day.

More funny children
To the Frito-Lay company,
Hi! I'm a ten year old boy who lives in Midland, Michigan. My name is Joh Reeves (pronounced Joe). I really like your products. I like Cheetos and Doritos the most. You can't have just one.
I even have some flavor suggestions. Of course, you don't need to use them. Anyways, I thought maybe your could make like a salsa flavor for Doritos. Mmmm…tangy. Another idea is to create a four cheese cheeto, you know, like a pizza. Or you could make something like Chipotle Ranch flavor cheeto. You don’t have to use these ideas, but I thought they might taste good (and I won't charge you. Heh).
Well I’m running out of space so…I hope all goes well and your company will live long and prosper/
Your happy customer,
Joh Reeves

Dear Doritos Comp.
I'm so happy when I eat my Doritos. There is not one day I don't buy one Pack of Doritos. I just wanted to thank you for makeing Doritos evry day and for makeing new types of Doritos. All of the new flavor your guys make are great. Ones again thank you.

Dear Frito-Lay
Thanks for making Doritos my dad buys doritos almost everyday. They taste really good. Know that you made new flavor their great. I just wanted to thank you for the new flavor's. the new flavor have great taste.