Week 13

Best names
Quincy
Pressley
Shantelle
Janell
Trenice
Shirah
Elberta
Dakisha
Shalita
Patrice
Merle
Shaquanna
Queen
Avis
Lanard
Steven Stevens

Best cities
Summerfield FL
Fairfax VA what what
Mingo Junction OH
Feasterville Trevose PA

Best pranks
"Can we hang out sometime? I don't have any friends."
"Why is there an arrow pointing up on this bag? Is it because Cheetos defy gravity?"


Best misnomer for Funyuns
"funny onions"

Best reasons to call
-to ask why the sunflower seeds you planted didn't grow and if you had just thrown your dollar into the dirt
-to ask if you can fax us a menu from your catering company
-to ask what Tostitos picante sauce it supposed to be used for...spaghetti sauce or a dip? (Anyone remember the Bugle lady?)
-to suggest that we sell whatever chips, just like you wrote on your grocery list
-to tell me in 23-minute detail about your recent fall, your broken hip, the rehab center you're now in, the other people in the rehab center, your medications, the past years of hospitalizations and operations that your husband and friends have gone through, the names and backgrounds of their doctors, the man who stocks the vending machine downstairs, the background of your parents who came from Portugal in the 1920s, and the difficulties of scheduling bingo games
-to tell me that you found a Cheeto that looked like a little boy wearing a backpack, you had faxed a picture of it to an unknown # at hq a month ago, and had not received a response. Be sure to talk nonstop for at least ten minutes (at the end of the day when everyone else is trying to call), ask if you get a monetary reward or an appearance on TV, and don't give up until you give the rep your address and make her send you a letter acknowledging that you found something "very unique" in your Cheetos bag.

Crazy of the week
I knew Virginia was going to be trouble when I answered and she said, "Summers? How do you spell your name?" She sounded a little lulu...for example, she was complaining because her chips were broken, but she couldn't use the word broken. It made me think of Monk. She didn't seem upset but asked for a check instead of coupons. Gave me her social, no problem. Gave me her name as Ginny and her address and told me to put it c/o Virginia same last name, the "sister" she was staying with. I know her address doesn't exist--she said there was no street #. "It's just Saratoga West #59." She made me read it back 4 times, with the c/o Virginia, wouldn't give me her phone #, and finally I got her off the phone. It didn't take her long to call back--4 times that I know of. She would say she had to talk to me, then start freaking out because she thought I spelled her name wrong. But she would always hang up before she got transferred to me. Later I found out she had been sent 2 checks last month, one last week, and had submitted another request the same day I talked to her. She always had multiple bags and no info from them. Go figure.

Best letter
To whom it may concern:
I am writing this letter because I am doing a school project and we need to choose the best company that we like. I choose your company because I think that it is the best one. I think that Frito-Lay is the best because you make good stuff and also it is inexpensive. Most of the day's I buy chips at the store. My friends always buy chips. I think that most of the people like to buy your chips they would. I am happy to write about what I feel about your greate company. Thank you for creating such a wonderful product.
Sincerely,
Edwin D.