Frito-Lay Week 10

It's time for this week's edition of American Consumer!

Best names
Women
Melba
Tawana
Kaustab
Jaquesha
Me Lisa
Basie
Tonda
Shaneaqua
Laarni
Murl
Destinee
Lagerri (like luh-Jerry)
Karneka

Men
Ernest (as in the importance of being)
Dongacius

Last names
Kmak
Winker
Butcher

Best locations from which to call
Smithfield, VA (that's a shout out to my friend Natalie!)
Norman, OK (my home sweet home!)
Concord, MA (home of Louisa May Alcott!)
Ronkonkoma, NY
Newport News, VA
I just think those last two are goofy...who names a city like a newspaper?

Weirdest foreign matter
These definitely take the cake...
Mechanical pencil lead
A dead worm in 4 pieces
A round rubbery green thing, about 2" in diameter, attached to a 6-8" piece of white plastic that looks like a twist tie...no idea what that is.

Best mispronunciations of Tostitos, Santitas, and queso
Tostadas, Santa-tas, and kwee-sa

Biggest winkle
The guy who got up in my bidness about a Natural Ruffles bag. He was mad that it said "no preservatives" because it has salt. He thought it was deceiving. Why would you expect any chip to not have salt? I told him to sit on it.

Best reincarnation of Kaci's Bugle lady
"Tell me about Doritos- are they still recommending them for taco salad? So the corn chips are for chili and the Doritos are for taco salad, is that right?"

Weirdest reason for calling
The lady who asked if sodium caseinate is really necessary in Doritos, because it makes them smell like dirty socks.

Most pointless call
The guy who said he had a bag of Cheetos that said "See if your arm's as long as 13 Cheetos"- "Well, my arm is as long as 13 Cheetos. Do I get a prize?" Nope, sorry.

1st prize for having me repeat everything he just said
...which was, "I have this 12 oz bag of Sunchips that says a serving is 1 oz and there are approximately 16 chips in a serving. I ate part of the bag last night and part today. So does that mean I just ate 192 chips? Is that accurate?" Good math skills. It took some doing to understand what he was asking, though.

Weirdest claims
You'll see why I say "claims"...

The lady who said her Lay's Sour Cream & Onion tasted like Fritos. When I asked her what it was about them that made her think that- did the chips taste like corn, did the oil taste like corn oil- she wouldn't give me an answer. "I don't know what it is, they just taste like Fritos!" Okay, whatever.

...And the guy who said there was a footprint on one of his chips and it looked just like the bottom of a tennis shoe.

...And the guy who said he had 2 bags that each had 100 live bugs in them, and there were no holes whatsoever.

What you really should have known in 6th grade
"I'm just curious--how much is a milligram? Like, compared to a gram?" I told him there are 1000 mg in a gram. "So 15 mg is hardly anything?" He really wanted some details. That was an older guy, too.

Best 2nd grade reading question
"I have a bag of, uh, Lay's wavy. Is that how you say it--waves?"

Why my day gets long sometimes
People like to not listen. Some examples:
1. I say, "It's on the front of the bag." While he wrinkles the bag in my ear looking for it, person 1 says, "It might be on the front."

2. I answer the phone 3 times, and I know person 2 is there because I can hear her talking to someone ("So they're twins? Who's older? By 1 minute?"). Then she says, "Hello? Are you there?" all annoyed-like. She's also the genius who said, "I wish you guys would sell these like Frito-Lay, where you can buy 30 bags of one flavor."

3. When I ask for the numbers under the date and price, person 3 rattles off the barcode, then the price.

Best pick-up line
Me: Is there anything else I can do for you?
Single guy: Not unless you're single and free. I haven't gone on a date in a while.

Weirdest questions
Do Fritos have any pepperoni?

Do you have Tostitos Hint of Lime in a bag like Restaurant Style? (Who cares what the bag looks like?)

How is it "naturally baked"?

Doomsdayer of the week
The lady who said, "Funyuns have too much sodium--they'll kill you! You need to add a warning label."

Best compliment for me and Doritos
"Thanks for being a part of the wonderful company of Doritos!" (That's from the guy who called Cool Ranch Doritos a "thriller.")

Best alternate name for a barcode
marker number

Captain Obviouses of the week
"I don't know my zip code, but my mail code is…"

"What flavor is Nacho Cheese?" (I'd like to thank my neighbor Chris for that one.)

The numbers
This week I decided to keep track of how many calls I got from different states. Here are the thrilling results. Hang on to your seats.

Top Ten Callers
1. CA 33
2. TX 27
3. FL 22
4. MI 20
5. NY 19
6. PA 16
7. NJ 14
8. OH 13
9. IL 13
10. GA 12

I still think Michiganders are the whiniest, with the most calls in proportion to their population. I've learned to dread calls from Michigan zip codes. Close seconds are Ohio, Pennsylvania, New York, Florida and Georgia.

Letters
These are actually from last week but I'm glad I saved them because I didn't do any mail this week. Hope you enjoy! I'm not sure what to call the first one. Biggest slap in the face? Angriest? Funniest? Blogreaders, decide for yourselves.

Dear Frito Brand Company,
I am trying to decide if you have a quality control issue or have changed the recipe on your Bar-B-Q corn chips. I know to always open the bag before I pay and leave the store with them. I will open a bag and look, smell, and TASTE that it is a Bar-B-Q chips and not a plain. Four out of five times I purchase the chip it will be lacking in the expected standard. I am 58 years old and know the difference between your plain corn and Bar-B-Q. Please let me know the status of this chip. Please do not insult me with coupons. A factual explanation will do. No form letter please while you are looking into the matter. If you have decided to change the chip for some reason, that is fine. I will simply not purchase the chip again. I will save the bag in case there is a code on it you may ask me for. Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Funniest child letter (I love those!)
Dear Lays company,
I think you should work with the Doritos company. Its all because I tried your wavy original Lays with a nacho cheese Dorito. And it was DELICIOUS!!!

So that is why you should work together. And remember it was DELICIOUS!!! So try it.

Write to me Back and tell me if you like it!!!


As you can see, it's on a very long sheet of graph paper.









And here's the one from last week-- I wanted you to see it...

Frito-Lay Week 9

And the winners...or whiners...or wieners...are:

Best names
Women
Lawanna
Dona (like Donna)
Nataly
Ecia
Wilena (will-EEN-uh)
Fatima
Coretha
Antoinette (twice)
Quanisha
Tenisha
Cleopatra
Ranysha
Hilda
Tahkeithra

Last names
Chappie
Constant
Funk
Hammer

Best locations from which to call
Braintree, MA (thought of you, Kace- I'm also reading John Adams)
Queen Creek, AZ (thought of you, An)
Glastonbury, CT (thought of Kirk & Sheryle)
Coos Bay, OR (by Doris' hometown of Brookings- and what better name is there than Coos Bay?- so many good thoughts going around!)

Funniest reason for calling
Consumer: Your bags are sold by weight, not volume. Is that correct?
Me: yes
Consumer: Could you please repeat that to my wife?

Weirdest reason for calling
One of my neighbors got this call and I listened in. It went something like this.
Consumer: "I'm calling about the picture on the back of the Doritos bag."
Rep: "OK, how may I help you?"
Consumer: "I'm calling about the picture on the back of the Doritos bag."
Rep: "What about it?"
Consumer: "I'm looking for a missing person."
Rep: "Frito-Lay doesn't have any missing persons programs. You need to call your local police department."
Consumer: "But there's a picture of a child on the back of the back and it says 'missing persons.'"
Rep: "No, you must be mistaken. The pictures on the back of Doritos bags are of kids who got awards for special achievements. They're not missing. You need to call your local police department if you're looking for someone."

She finally got off the phone but called back a few minutes later and got the same rep. Eventually the rep transferred her to a manager. I don't know what the lady said then but she hung up after a while. Weird.

Most questions in the same call
"I have a jar of Toss-titos Salsa con Qwesso." (that's how she said it) "It's been in my fridge for 3 mos., but there's no date. Is it still good? Is it fattening? Can I heat the jar? Should I take the lid off to microwave it?" Took a while to get her ironed out.

Best comments about my name
"Hi, Summer. This is winter!" (followed by excessive laughter)

"I had an ex-girlfriend named Summer. You're not from California, are you?"

Best comments period
"I appreciate your perkiness!"

Me: Is there anything else I can do for you?
Consumer: Yeah, just send that guy on a white horse my way.

Best comment from Chris (the guy in the cube opposite me)
(this one's for Kaci) "Someone needs to go break his legs."

"You'll have to go through your broker for that."

Dumbest prank
"Are Miss Vickie's Jalapeno chips supposed to be purple when you open the bag?"

Best misnomers
The guy who said he wanted some "Miss Vicker's" chips...

and the girl who said she loves cheese doodles. When I asked her if she was referring to Cheetos and which of the 500 kinds it was, she kept saying cheese doodles. Whatever.

Worst paranoia about domestic vs non-domestic products
A lady asked if any of our products are made outside the US. I said Lay's STAX are made in Mexico and everything else is made in the US, and the following way-longer-than-necessary conversation ensued:
"So Doritos are made in the US?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"And Fritos?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"What about Cheetos?"
"Yes, ma'am. All our products are made in the US except Lay's STAX." How many different ways can I say it?

And then there's the lady who was so freaked that she had me name all the states where Fritos are made, which is several.

Best office bet
I think that's what it was, because this guy had me on speaker or something- I could hear lots of male laughter- and he asked how many bags we make a day. Well, we don't have any numbers like that but one of my coworkers happens to have a sheet of Lay's facts that said we make 13 million bags a day. (I included that at the bottom for your reading pleasure.) I told him that number, there was a chorus of "wows" and then he asked how many stupid questions like that do I get in a day. I said five, which may have been a slight exaggeration, but they loved it and laughed even harder.

Weirdest foreign matter
3" piece of rubber tubing
12" by 14" piece of white cloth
round pea-sized piece of metal inside a Cheeto (always look at your chips before you eat them!)

Grossest question
After reporting that a can of STAX was mildewed (or so she said), this lady asked, "Will I get sick from eating these?" Why would you want to eat them?!

Most articulate letter
In an old-school type-written letter: "These chips were all broken up and there wasn't one that was in tack."

Best preface to a suggestion letter
"I have tryed your new Sun Chips (underlined) and they are great. So I have an ideal that will work for you a new labor. Smile (underlined) But sir I would like for you, yourself to try this." I wish I could quote more but then the FL mafia would come get me. :) The handwriting was funny, too- big, shaky capital letters.

Funniest compliment letter
Re: Munchies Cheese Fix
To whom it may concern:
I was at work at about 4 pm when urge for something to munch on was so overwhelming that I had to dive to the bottom of my handbag in search for loose change to feed the need. I had had a salad "bleegch" (insert sound effect here) for lunch. I gathered what little I had left since payday was still 72 whole hours away.
There I was undecided as to what to get. Something sweet? Nah! Something salty? Maybe. Then my eyes fell upon a bag that was unknown to me and my kind (nine to fiver). So the sun came out at that moment and the angels sung a song so heavenly I had to rush to my other cube mates and expound upon the greatness of Cheetos, Doritos, Rold Gold pretzels and Sunchips all in the single small snack bag.
I gathered what strength I had left after being weakened from the taste of greatness. I made haste to the nearest workstation to complete this letter to praise your company and whoever came up with this bright idea. I am working on my abs too so the small size bag was an added bonus. Thank you Frito Lay! Three cheers to you.

Most random/Sibylish letter and possibly my all-time favorite
Lay's
A Signature Tasted?
Same Delicious flavor with excellence...
Most popular...
Elton Livingston...

Lay's fun facts
For all you stat lovers, here are some numbers for you.

Lay's is the world's favorite potato chip and the #1 snack brand and potato chip in the US.

Lay's are produced worldwide in 65 plants- 26 in the US and 39 around the world.

Lay's is sold in 40 countries and is the #1 preferred potato chip in more than 20 countries, including Mexico, Venezuela and China. Some international flavors include Chicken and Tomato in Poland, Seaweed in Taiwan, Sweet Basil and Fried Pork in Thailand, Ketchup in Canada and Mayonnaise in Ecuador.

Globally, Frito-Lay uses over 6 billion lbs of potatoes every year to make Lay's.

In the US, 13 million bags of Lay's are produced per day and 3.4 billion bags are produced every year.

Every hour, nearly 150,000 lbs of Lay's, or 55 million chips, are produced in the US.

It takes 4 lbs of raw potatoes to make one lb of Lay's.

Lay's potatoes are proprietary- they have their own trademark!

And some numbers from the Irving, TX plant:
640 workers
Open almost around the clock
On average, 600,000 lbs of raw materials are processed per 8-hr shift.
A shipment of 46,000 lbs of raw potatoes lasts only 2 1/2 hrs.

Colors

For you blogviewers who haven't heard, I'm going to paint my room! The wallpaper border is already toast and the old green paint with all the awful drip spots and dirty marks will be gone soon. I'm pretty sure I want to do a light blue-green. I've looked at some online and I'm leaning toward Sherwin-Williams Belize. I'm still open to suggestions, though. Wendy was my inspiration, I guess, with her suggestion of robin's egg blue. Sharon suggested burnt orange, and Logan suggested burnt orange with purple stripes. Anyone else feeling inspired?

More from last week

For extra-bored blogviewers, here's more from the archives. :)

"I ate Taco Doritos 2 hours ago and I can't get the smell off my hands."

"Is this dip meant to be served hot? Am I supposed to heat it?" Well, do you want it hot?

"How many potatoes does it take to make a bag of chips?"

"What are Cheetos supposed to taste like?" I'll give you 3 guesses.

Prank call from what sounded like a recording of Mr. Rogers- "Are you okay? I feel sick. Do you have a kitty? Can I be your friend?" etc.

A guy determined to submit a suggestion for a new product, which we aren't allowed to take- "Is it because I don't have a degree in marketing? Is that why you won't take it?" I told him he could come work for us and do all the suggesting he wanted.

"Can I make my own Fritos with the ingredients on the back of the bag?"

A lady complained that she found mold in her salsa- after it had been sitting in her fridge for 2 months.

People who didn't like the new X13D Doritos (which is most of the people who call about it- it's a promo where you try to name the flavor) called it:
Top Ramen seasoning
sewer chips
rotten fish
gross Whopper

Frito-Lay Week 8

I can't believe it's been 8 weeks! This week's Consumer Affairs highlights...

Best names
Women:
Lourdef
Leundra
Gianna
Terryl
Verta
Latosha
Verada
Thomesha
Teyle
Ginger Shea
Geneva
Enis
Ramona
Ebony
Rahsaan
Rachana (sh sound)
Lericka (luh-REE-kuh)
And my personal favorite, Laryquennta

Just one male finalist this time:
Gruby

Best last name:
Buzzard

Weirdest questions
How many sunflowers does it take to make this package of sunflower seeds?

Do you need any refridgeration/coolant products for the plants? I'd like to be in the bidding.

I have a bag of Fiery Habanero chips. How do you say that first word? Fear-y?

Weirdest complaint
"My chips are see-through."

Dumbest complaint
I got a lady who was mad that a 7/8 oz bag listed nutrition facts for a 1 oz serving just like the larger bags. She said it was deceiving- the bag should say 7/8 of serving. I didn't even get to find out what kind of chips she was talking about because she said, "I don't like the way that company does business. I'm going to find some other chips," and hung up. Didn't report that one!

Shortest attention spans
When I asked for the UPC about 30 seconds into the call- " I bought 2 packages. The other's in the back of the car. I'm calling on a cell phone."

Best call that went down the drain (just like McGeorge's clarinet lessons)
A kid called about 2 Flamin' Hot Cheetos in a regular Cheetos bag, and when I asked him for bag information he said, "I don't really care- my mom just told me to call." I told him I needed bag info to file an accurate report and he said, "That's ok, just wanted to let you know." Sorry, buddy, no one's going to know! That's a complaint that we should really know about, too.

Chief ding-dong consumers
Consumer: My chips are stale.
Rep (it wasn't me): Are they harder or softer than usual?
Consumer: They just LOOK stale.

When I asked for the barcode- "I don't think there's a barcode on it- standby!"

When I asked for the expiration date on the bag- "July 11." "That's today's date, sir- I need the date on the bag." He still didn't get the message.

Best locations from which to call
Rolla, MO (For those of you not familiar with the classic documentary film "Spellbound," Rolla is the home of our friend Ted Brigham in said film.)

Louisville, CO (Pronounced like our Lewisville. :) Also the home of a friend from BYU.)

I also got my first calls from Alaska and Hawaii this week. That's a milestone. :)

Most original use of the word fluffy
"I don't know why these chips are broken- I always buy the fluffy bags."

Best alternative names for a colon
dash
semicolon
2 dots
time mark

Weirdest suggestion
An old lady wanted us to take the picture of salsa off the Tostitos Scoops bag- she said it was picante sauce, which is not good for dipping Scoops because it's thinner than salsa.

Weirdest compliment
"My cat loves Nacho Cheese Doritos!! I can't leave the bag out or he'll eat them all!!" (I think she might have been on something- her voice was a little too loud and enthused.)

Nicest call ever/Best joke
This guy was complaining, but you wouldn't think so by the way he was talking to me. After I answered he said, "What a polite greeting!" and asked me to repeat my name because it was important for him to call me by name (although he kept calling me Summers). Whenever I asked him for bag information he said "it would be my pleasure." And when I asked for his name he said, "Well, everyone calls me Mr. B, but my proper name is..." He kept saying how much he appreciated being treated with courtesy by such a polite, professional representative, and that he hoped I felt I had been treated with the same respect. (Yeah that's right, I sound professional. :) ) And then at the end of the call when I asked him if there was anything else, he asked if I had time for a quick story, then proceeded to tell me a joke about a couple in marriage counseling. The therapist told them they really needed to know each other and asked the husband if he knew the wife's favorite flower. The husband replied, "Yeah, it's Pilsbury, isn't it?" Classic.

Most obsessive caller
An interesting woman called...she was polite, but she kept repeating information slowly and loudly as though I was deaf. She felt compelled to give me her address and phone # 3 times, and her first and middle name. (She's Ginger Shea in the name list.) I thought she might be a repeat caller, and I was right- this was her 40th call since 2003. I couldn't report her though, because it has to be their 8th call in the same year and this was only her 6th or 7th.

Hope you enjoyed! In related news, I am no longer a nomad moving around the office- I have my own desk now! And every so often my manager issues a challenge for who can take the most calls. I tied for first place for taking 66 calls yesterday between 10 and 4. I took 91 calls total- that's definitely a record. I just got lucky with a lot of short calls, though. And my prize was a set of Quaker oats, raisins, 2 spoons and 2 bowls. Sweet! In nonrelated news, I finally have my permit! Forgot to mention that last time. Have a great weekend!

Frito-Lay

As my third week at Frito-Lay draws to a close, I figure it's about time I calm the masses hounding me for a post. Just kidding. I was a little distracted at Forrest and Abbie's. :)

Some highlights that I either experienced on the phone or heard about:

Most original names
Wykeitha
Shamika
Tamika
Bunny
Teena
Ninfa
Jea (Jay-uh)
Liberty

Weirdest foreign matter
Piece of wood in Ruffles shaped like a Ruffle (I've gotten several wood calls, but that's the only one that claimed something like that.)
Popsicle stick
Piece of candy wrapper
Dime
Chewing gum in salsa
Bright green chip (timing dye that's used in the plant and should be tossed)
3 or 4" brown fake bird foot in Funyuns bag (This wasn't mine- it was e-mailed to the whole dept.)

Weirdest requests/reasons for calling
Can I buy broken chips?
Can I buy Flamin' Hot seasoning without the chips? (from a kid)
Is Baken-ets a good diet food, like, compared to a hot dog? (Thankfully, I was being mentored that day and my mentor took the call. She had to talk to the guy for a few minutes and compare it to a couple other products before he got the message that it depends on what your idea of a diet is. A little slow on the uptake.)

Most creative pranks
These Cheetos say "dangerously cheesy." Are they really dangerous? Will I die from eating them?
Do Sunchips really contain sun?

Most long-winded
The woman who kept talking about her health problems (ick) and asking about the weather.

Most not-quite-on-this-planet
People in general get this one for...
calling the UPC the UPS or the UCP
not being able to find the barcode or the net wt.
...and the lady who called Ruffles "Ripples"

Funniest comment about my name
Is that your real name?

Ding-dong questions
An Indian mom with allergy concerns asking about Frito-Lay sunflower seeds: Do they contain any milk, eggs, soy, peanuts, tree nuts, lentils, or chickpeas? (No ma'am, they contain sunflower seeds and salt.)

Why are Cheetos Puffs so cheesy?

Best compliment
The 3 little black sisters who passed around the phone telling me how much they love Flamin' Hot Cheetos, then sang a gospel-ish song about it.

Letters
An envelope with the bottom of a bag inside and nothing else. On the inside of the envelope was written "no computer." What the heck is that supposed to mean?

These I have to quote...

"Dear Chester Cheetah, we have a question for you. Our question is, DID YOU CHANGE YOUR RECIPE? Because the Cheetos have not been really cheesy. It's not just us, look at all the people who signed our petition...P.S. You did want comments, it says on the bag." (enclosed was the petition with paw prints drawn on it, but we didn't change Cheetos)

"I am an eighth grade student writing to say that I love your Doritos products. The Cool Ranch Doritos are my all time favorite. I eat them almost every day at lunch at my middle school. They make every lunch complete with the taste of bursting flavor. All I ask of you is to keep making delicious snacks, and satisfying us kids cravings of delicious flavors. Believe me these Cool Ranch chips really give our taste buds a party! Other snacks such as cheese doodles and potato chips jsut don't compare to your very original flavored chips. Please, keep the Doritos snacks coming!!"