Frito Season 3: Volume 2

best names
Dava'e

Gracin

Zera

Shatei

Cotesha

Nineeva

Jernice

Corinthian

Gioy (like Joy)

Tyshiqua

Topher

best towns

Bangs TX

Geography Hall OH
Blue Bell PA
Waterproof LA
Porter Corners NY

Flowery Branch GA

Show Low AZ

best foreign matter

cigarette butt

Church's chicken ad

best prank
a bunch of kids singing "all you need is love" at the top of their lungs

consumer quotables

Doritos are still in tip-top performance!

I don't like your company. I bought Sunchips instead of Lay's. Well, we make Sunchips too.

I AM complaining about it. I didn't doubt it.

I saw this "guarantee fresh" thing on the bag and just wanted to tell you that they're still fresh! I'm so happy for you.

Y'all need to put an eye irritant warning on these Cheetos Flamin' Hot bags. I gave my baby a bag, he got some of that powder stuff in his eye and almost died. Maybe the warning should be keep out of reach of one-year-olds.

You know, Baked Lay's are great for my poker buddies because they don't make your hands greasy! I'll spread the word.

How many calories per Frito? Well, let me do some math for you...

Are your chips cooled before they're bagged? Never got that question before.

If you donate to food banks, they'll never forget you.

Why are the cookies backwards?

A request for an unsalted chip: You want to taste the flavor, not the salt. The salt is the flavor, right?

Your cheese dip stained my favorite shorts. How do I get it out? She'd tried everything, believe me. 10 minutes' worth of stain removers.

I hope you're not mad at me. You sound like you're mad at me. 2 minutes later: You're mad at me again. Please don't be mad at me. I will be in a minute.

I'd like to suggest chocolate chip potato chips. I'd like to decline to accept your suggestion.

I think the yellow color in these chips made me stay up all night. I think something else made you stay up all night.

I'm from sunny California and I've never gotten sick from your products! Good to know!

Why are Cheetos called Cheetos? Does it have to do with cheating?

On MSG: You'd better start calling Smartfood "fatfood." Huh?

Also on MSG and my personal favorite: Are you part of a national association to reduce the North American population? I also heard the words conspiracy and premeditated.

best letter

Dear Tostitos,

The new Tostitos scoops with the hint of jalapeno is so good so fire please don't stop making those. Thank you so much. I get mad when we run out of salsa but it's okay. They're good plain too. Thank you so much.