August 30, 2007
Goodbye, summer!
Heehee I'm so punny. :) I flew to Colorado on Monday to chill with my friend Stephanie (who lives in Louisville--isn't that precious?) and we're driving to Provo today! I miss you all already but can't wait to get back and see my roommies. And to go to football games with the 41 people that picked up their all sport passes with me. :)
August 24, 2007
Frito-Lay Week 14
I'm done with Frito, at least until Christmas break. Hope you enjoy the last post in a long time!
Best names
Women
Sonji
Teneisha
Ceira (hard C sound)
Artiemisha
Dowla
Debi
Lacasha
Shantia
Men
Jeremie
Mersaydez (that was a little boy...I think)
Last names
Speletich
Guggenberger
Best cities
Lewisville, TX 75067! It's great when I know the zip before they say it.
Carrollton, TX (close 2nd)
St Hedwig, TX (If you're a Harry Potter fan you know that Hedwig is his pet owl. Apparently he was a saint too.)
Fremont and Bennington, NE (Just for Dad...they're a hop, skip and a jump away from Blair.)
Summerland Key, FL (That one's obvious)
Happy Valley, PA (That should be in Utah)
Normal, IL
Nevada, TX
Wyoming, PA
Poland, OH
Bolivia, NC
I only got two calls from Utah this week, and they were both from Orem and both today. Weird.
Weirdest foreign matter
rag
pebble (in sunflower seeds that would not be weird, but this one was embedded in a chip...maybe it's not really a pebble)
lots and lots of hair. Other than that, this week has been good in terms of foreign matter.
Funniest reason to call
To see if your child has been calling and "scamming." One mother did. She said they've been getting letters and coupons from several different companies. I guess her kids are doing the rounds.
Dumbest complaint
Cracker Jack boxes are too hard to open. "Have you ever opened one? Try it. You'll be amazed how hard it is." Good grief. If you don't like the boxes, buy the bags.
Most precise way of stating the exact reason for calling
"I didn't need to call you, but I'm calling you." Huh?
Best jokes
These are from an interesting lady who kept me on the phone for at least 15 minutes. She just rattled off joke after joke. Most of them are inappropriate. These were my favorites:
What did Baby Corn say to Mommy Corn?
Where's Pop Corn?
What was Mark Twain's friend's name?
Choo Choo Twain.
Dirtiest use of a non-dirty word
"I don't want to sound offensive, but they almost tasted like…knockoff Doritos."
Best misnomer
The man who called a "gecko" a "geico" like the insurance company.
Firsts
I got my first complaint about a commercial (boy, was she fired up!) and my first compliment about Cracker Jack. No one calls to compliment Cracker Jack. Those are some of my least favorite calls, and I can usually tell when they're coming. Most of them are old people who tell me how old they are and how long they've been eating Cracker Jack, and they go on and on about how they took the peanuts out and they took the great prizes out and it's not what it used to be.
Biggest Fattest New England accent
The guy I just talked to from Manchestah, New Hampshah. Wow. Kaci, I thought of you.
People who really like being on hold
When I answered the phone this woman didn't say, "Hi! How are you?" or "These chips are stale." She said, "Oh, I love that song!" (Her tone of voice said, "Why did you pick up the phone so fast?" like I should be sorry.) "My 4-yr-old granddaughter knows the words. She sings along, something about carving my name into the seat, smashing headlights, slashing tires, and she has a Louisville Slugger..." She went on and on, which I thought was very disturbing because it's a very bitter Kelly Clarkson song about getting revenge on a boy that no little girl should know. But this woman seemed to think it was funny.
I was trying to get this kid off the phone who was just calling to get coupons and ask dumb questions because she was bored. (I noticed she's called at least once a year since 2003.) Finally she asked me something I had to look up, and I could have done it in 5 seconds, but she said, "Can you put me back on the phone?" which means "Can you put me on hold?" So I did. I'll put her on hold whenever she wants.
Captain Obvious of the week
After I asked him for the guaranteed fresh date and he said he didn't see it, I asked him again (politely, of course) and told him exactly where to look. He said, "There's no date on here except Sept 25."
Weirdest weirdies
All of these women hung up on me...this was the entire conversation.
1. "Why are the chips brown? Is this a good date?" She gave me an October date and I assured her that it was from this year. Then she said, "Can you check the date on the computer?" and hung up. This might have been a prank...I'm not sure that flat, extremely nasal voice was real. If it was, that's scary.
2. "Do you sell the corn chips from your place?" Once I figured out she was referring to here at hq as opposed to somewhere else like my house, I said no, and is there a particular flavor that she's looking for? She said, "Um...the flavor's not on here." Then she hung up.
3. Unlike the other two who sounded drowsy or maybe drugged, this lady started off ranting. "Why do you only fill the bags halfway? Why not just make the bag smaller? I should pay the same price for a bag half the size." I tried to interrupt and explain that we can't fill the bags to the top, but she just hung up on me.
Longest, weirdest and funniest coupon request
This lady had a strong accent, south Asian I think. She told me how much she loves Rold Gold pretzels and then asked for coupons, and when I said yes she said, "Oh bless you! I'm so excited I love the pretzels!" Then she asked if I could send some to her boyfriend, who apparently is Rold Gold's biggest fan. So she gave me his address, then launched into an effusive monologue about his devotion to pretzels that went something like this. "I call him Mr. Pretzel. I say to him, 'Mark, what is your favorite food?' And he say, 'Pretzel!' He is 52 years old and takes a bag of pretzels every day for lunch in his briefcase. And every day I say to him, 'Mark, what did you eat today?' And he say, 'What else? Pretzel!' And I say to him, 'Your name is not Mark. It's Mr. Pretzel.'"
Top nine callers
The numbers are weird this week.
1. CA 22
2. TX 17
3. NY 16
4. IL 12
5. OH 11
6. FL, CT 9
7. PA, TN 7
8. MI, MN 6
9. IN, NC, MD 5
Weirdest letter
There was a bag and a note that said, "Please forward my winner to the above address. Thank you." Apparently he thought he won something.
Longest sentence in a letter
Please find enclosed a bar code and a bag from a 24 pack of assorted chips. There were 2 bags of Doritos that a tear in the bag which made the Doritos stale so we ended up with 22 bags of chips instead of the 24 I wouldn't of minded it so much but my grandchildren were here on vacation and they took these goodies to the beach each day with a drink when they went to eat there chips they spit them out as they were stale so 2 kids out of 4 ended up with no goodies this day. Were they ever upset which ended up making grandma up set with Frito-Lay.
Most repetitive and ding-dong letter
Let me tell you, there is no way these pretzels were fresh, and I can't imagine what they would taste like in October. They are STALE-STALE-STALE. Quite a disappointment! Does Walgreens get inferior packages? Very disappointed. By the way, why can't you be contacted on the net? All companies have a website.
I hate driving complaints...at least she didn't call and cuss someone out.
While driving to work today at approximately 7:45 am one of your drivers was driving very wreck less, cutting in and out of traffic at speeds, which far exceeded the speed limit on Highway US 1 in Cocoa, Florida. Highway US 1 in heavily traveled during this time as drivers are commuting to Kennedy Space Center. The driver went north pass the 528 on ramp. I would appreciate it if you would consider the seriousness of this complaint and let your personnel know human lives are far more important than delivery of snacks. Thanks so much.
Best demonstration of where not to put the apostrophe
Dear: Frito Lay I received your letter on 8-17-07 and thank you 4 the 2 coupon's, I always will be you'r big fan of Doritos chip's and good luck with all the comments from the consumer Just keep it up, and I hope we keep in touch. You'r consumer: Mr. Molina
Best names
Women
Sonji
Teneisha
Ceira (hard C sound)
Artiemisha
Dowla
Debi
Lacasha
Shantia
Men
Jeremie
Mersaydez (that was a little boy...I think)
Last names
Speletich
Guggenberger
Best cities
Lewisville, TX 75067! It's great when I know the zip before they say it.
Carrollton, TX (close 2nd)
St Hedwig, TX (If you're a Harry Potter fan you know that Hedwig is his pet owl. Apparently he was a saint too.)
Fremont and Bennington, NE (Just for Dad...they're a hop, skip and a jump away from Blair.)
Summerland Key, FL (That one's obvious)
Happy Valley, PA (That should be in Utah)
Normal, IL
Nevada, TX
Wyoming, PA
Poland, OH
Bolivia, NC
I only got two calls from Utah this week, and they were both from Orem and both today. Weird.
Weirdest foreign matter
rag
pebble (in sunflower seeds that would not be weird, but this one was embedded in a chip...maybe it's not really a pebble)
lots and lots of hair. Other than that, this week has been good in terms of foreign matter.
Funniest reason to call
To see if your child has been calling and "scamming." One mother did. She said they've been getting letters and coupons from several different companies. I guess her kids are doing the rounds.
Dumbest complaint
Cracker Jack boxes are too hard to open. "Have you ever opened one? Try it. You'll be amazed how hard it is." Good grief. If you don't like the boxes, buy the bags.
Most precise way of stating the exact reason for calling
"I didn't need to call you, but I'm calling you." Huh?
Best jokes
These are from an interesting lady who kept me on the phone for at least 15 minutes. She just rattled off joke after joke. Most of them are inappropriate. These were my favorites:
What did Baby Corn say to Mommy Corn?
Where's Pop Corn?
What was Mark Twain's friend's name?
Choo Choo Twain.
Dirtiest use of a non-dirty word
"I don't want to sound offensive, but they almost tasted like…knockoff Doritos."
Best misnomer
The man who called a "gecko" a "geico" like the insurance company.
Firsts
I got my first complaint about a commercial (boy, was she fired up!) and my first compliment about Cracker Jack. No one calls to compliment Cracker Jack. Those are some of my least favorite calls, and I can usually tell when they're coming. Most of them are old people who tell me how old they are and how long they've been eating Cracker Jack, and they go on and on about how they took the peanuts out and they took the great prizes out and it's not what it used to be.
Biggest Fattest New England accent
The guy I just talked to from Manchestah, New Hampshah. Wow. Kaci, I thought of you.
People who really like being on hold
When I answered the phone this woman didn't say, "Hi! How are you?" or "These chips are stale." She said, "Oh, I love that song!" (Her tone of voice said, "Why did you pick up the phone so fast?" like I should be sorry.) "My 4-yr-old granddaughter knows the words. She sings along, something about carving my name into the seat, smashing headlights, slashing tires, and she has a Louisville Slugger..." She went on and on, which I thought was very disturbing because it's a very bitter Kelly Clarkson song about getting revenge on a boy that no little girl should know. But this woman seemed to think it was funny.
I was trying to get this kid off the phone who was just calling to get coupons and ask dumb questions because she was bored. (I noticed she's called at least once a year since 2003.) Finally she asked me something I had to look up, and I could have done it in 5 seconds, but she said, "Can you put me back on the phone?" which means "Can you put me on hold?" So I did. I'll put her on hold whenever she wants.
Captain Obvious of the week
After I asked him for the guaranteed fresh date and he said he didn't see it, I asked him again (politely, of course) and told him exactly where to look. He said, "There's no date on here except Sept 25."
Weirdest weirdies
All of these women hung up on me...this was the entire conversation.
1. "Why are the chips brown? Is this a good date?" She gave me an October date and I assured her that it was from this year. Then she said, "Can you check the date on the computer?" and hung up. This might have been a prank...I'm not sure that flat, extremely nasal voice was real. If it was, that's scary.
2. "Do you sell the corn chips from your place?" Once I figured out she was referring to here at hq as opposed to somewhere else like my house, I said no, and is there a particular flavor that she's looking for? She said, "Um...the flavor's not on here." Then she hung up.
3. Unlike the other two who sounded drowsy or maybe drugged, this lady started off ranting. "Why do you only fill the bags halfway? Why not just make the bag smaller? I should pay the same price for a bag half the size." I tried to interrupt and explain that we can't fill the bags to the top, but she just hung up on me.
Longest, weirdest and funniest coupon request
This lady had a strong accent, south Asian I think. She told me how much she loves Rold Gold pretzels and then asked for coupons, and when I said yes she said, "Oh bless you! I'm so excited I love the pretzels!" Then she asked if I could send some to her boyfriend, who apparently is Rold Gold's biggest fan. So she gave me his address, then launched into an effusive monologue about his devotion to pretzels that went something like this. "I call him Mr. Pretzel. I say to him, 'Mark, what is your favorite food?' And he say, 'Pretzel!' He is 52 years old and takes a bag of pretzels every day for lunch in his briefcase. And every day I say to him, 'Mark, what did you eat today?' And he say, 'What else? Pretzel!' And I say to him, 'Your name is not Mark. It's Mr. Pretzel.'"
Top nine callers
The numbers are weird this week.
1. CA 22
2. TX 17
3. NY 16
4. IL 12
5. OH 11
6. FL, CT 9
7. PA, TN 7
8. MI, MN 6
9. IN, NC, MD 5
Weirdest letter
There was a bag and a note that said, "Please forward my winner to the above address. Thank you." Apparently he thought he won something.
Longest sentence in a letter
Please find enclosed a bar code and a bag from a 24 pack of assorted chips. There were 2 bags of Doritos that a tear in the bag which made the Doritos stale so we ended up with 22 bags of chips instead of the 24 I wouldn't of minded it so much but my grandchildren were here on vacation and they took these goodies to the beach each day with a drink when they went to eat there chips they spit them out as they were stale so 2 kids out of 4 ended up with no goodies this day. Were they ever upset which ended up making grandma up set with Frito-Lay.
Most repetitive and ding-dong letter
Let me tell you, there is no way these pretzels were fresh, and I can't imagine what they would taste like in October. They are STALE-STALE-STALE. Quite a disappointment! Does Walgreens get inferior packages? Very disappointed. By the way, why can't you be contacted on the net? All companies have a website.
I hate driving complaints...at least she didn't call and cuss someone out.
While driving to work today at approximately 7:45 am one of your drivers was driving very wreck less, cutting in and out of traffic at speeds, which far exceeded the speed limit on Highway US 1 in Cocoa, Florida. Highway US 1 in heavily traveled during this time as drivers are commuting to Kennedy Space Center. The driver went north pass the 528 on ramp. I would appreciate it if you would consider the seriousness of this complaint and let your personnel know human lives are far more important than delivery of snacks. Thanks so much.
Best demonstration of where not to put the apostrophe
Dear: Frito Lay I received your letter on 8-17-07 and thank you 4 the 2 coupon's, I always will be you'r big fan of Doritos chip's and good luck with all the comments from the consumer Just keep it up, and I hope we keep in touch. You'r consumer: Mr. Molina
August 19, 2007
Tag
I'm it! Thanks, Abbie. :)
5 things I was doing 10 years ago:
1. Starting 4th grade with Miss Spellman.
2. Playing with Danielle, Lauren, Megan, and Hailey.
3. Playing with adorable 3-year-old Logan.
4. Launching into a new repertoire of books, including Little Women, Jane Austen novels, and The Work and the Glory series.
5. Looking forward to Robby and Sharon's wedding.
5 things on my to-do list today:
1. Call people.
2. Write to people.
3. Watch Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.
4. Make a packing list.
5. Chill.
5 snacks I enjoy:
1. fresh fruit, especially peaches, berries, cherries, and watermelon
2. fresh veggies, especially carrots, celery, cukes, and bell peppers
3. ice cream
4. cookies
5. kettle corn!
5 songs I know the lyrics to:
1. Almost like being in love
2. If you chance to meet a frown
3. Take me home, country roads
4. Rhode Island is famous for you (Mandy Patinkin)
5. numerous camp songs
5 things I would do if I were a millionaire:
1. donate to humanitarian organizations
2. travel, travel, travel
3. have fun decorating a beautiful house
4. shop for a new wardrobe
5. buy a sweet ride...Pixie the Pony
5 bad habits:
1. sleeping in on the weekend
2. eating too much Blue Bell
3. being too slow getting ready in the morning
4. not keeping in touch with people as much as I should
5. not staying organized after I get organized and vow to stay organized
5 things I'd never wear again:
1. leggings, especially the kind with a strap that goes under your foot
2. overalls (unless my Farmer Pride prompts me to buy a new pair)
3. platform sandals
4. cheerleading uniform
5. mushroom haircut
5 favorite toys:
1. my banjo, Jebediah
2. my flute, Susie
3. my laptop, Gloria
4. my camera and Nero Photosnap, or whatever it's called
5. my iPod and iTunes
People Tagged:
1. Natalie B.
2. Kristin W.
3. Mom
4. Logan
5 things I was doing 10 years ago:
1. Starting 4th grade with Miss Spellman.
2. Playing with Danielle, Lauren, Megan, and Hailey.
3. Playing with adorable 3-year-old Logan.
4. Launching into a new repertoire of books, including Little Women, Jane Austen novels, and The Work and the Glory series.
5. Looking forward to Robby and Sharon's wedding.
5 things on my to-do list today:
1. Call people.
2. Write to people.
3. Watch Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.
4. Make a packing list.
5. Chill.
5 snacks I enjoy:
1. fresh fruit, especially peaches, berries, cherries, and watermelon
2. fresh veggies, especially carrots, celery, cukes, and bell peppers
3. ice cream
4. cookies
5. kettle corn!
5 songs I know the lyrics to:
1. Almost like being in love
2. If you chance to meet a frown
3. Take me home, country roads
4. Rhode Island is famous for you (Mandy Patinkin)
5. numerous camp songs
5 things I would do if I were a millionaire:
1. donate to humanitarian organizations
2. travel, travel, travel
3. have fun decorating a beautiful house
4. shop for a new wardrobe
5. buy a sweet ride...Pixie the Pony
5 bad habits:
1. sleeping in on the weekend
2. eating too much Blue Bell
3. being too slow getting ready in the morning
4. not keeping in touch with people as much as I should
5. not staying organized after I get organized and vow to stay organized
5 things I'd never wear again:
1. leggings, especially the kind with a strap that goes under your foot
2. overalls (unless my Farmer Pride prompts me to buy a new pair)
3. platform sandals
4. cheerleading uniform
5. mushroom haircut
5 favorite toys:
1. my banjo, Jebediah
2. my flute, Susie
3. my laptop, Gloria
4. my camera and Nero Photosnap, or whatever it's called
5. my iPod and iTunes
People Tagged:
1. Natalie B.
2. Kristin W.
3. Mom
4. Logan
August 18, 2007
Logan's birthday
Look out everyone, Logan's a teenager! We had a fun family get-together on Thursday to celebrate the big day.
Mom's lovely setup in the dining room.
Eli loved the balloons.
Forrest tried to tie the balloons on Eli...
Wendy's yummy white cake with cream cheese frosting. Molly helped Logan put the candles in.
About 6 matches later, we finally got them all lit.
Forrest and Eli being goofy.
Presents!
I know this one would have been cuter without the mismatched eyes. I blame the red-eye corrector in my photo editor.
Closeup!
Logan was messing around with the camera and took this one. I think it looks cool, especially with the cute deer-in-headlights look on his face.
Molly got all lovey on Will and then asked to hold him. He was very patient with her even though her head support was lacking.
I don't know what she was doing. She got really loopy.
Okay, I took a lot of pictures of Will hoping to get a really good smile because he was being really cute. I got some good ones, though.
Mom's lovely setup in the dining room.
Eli loved the balloons.
Forrest tried to tie the balloons on Eli...
Wendy's yummy white cake with cream cheese frosting. Molly helped Logan put the candles in.
About 6 matches later, we finally got them all lit.
Forrest and Eli being goofy.
Presents!
I know this one would have been cuter without the mismatched eyes. I blame the red-eye corrector in my photo editor.
Closeup!
Logan was messing around with the camera and took this one. I think it looks cool, especially with the cute deer-in-headlights look on his face.
Molly got all lovey on Will and then asked to hold him. He was very patient with her even though her head support was lacking.
I don't know what she was doing. She got really loopy.
Okay, I took a lot of pictures of Will hoping to get a really good smile because he was being really cute. I got some good ones, though.
August 17, 2007
Frito-Lay Week 13
Happy weekend, everyone! For the last two weeks they moved me to the Canada section of the office, which is kind of fun because I can parler francais with the two African ladies I trained with who are answering Canada calls.
Here's me in Canada...
...and my new desk.
And the winners are...
Best names
Women
Blanca
Shareen
Unique
Martrina
Denine
Tiarra
Chyri (like Sherry)
Lerissa (like La Risa)
Deidra (like Dedra Lane)
Zenobia
Tatrice
Bobi (like Bobby)
Sedoina
Saleenah
Men
Neven
Cleaver
Dajuawn
Gared
Keondre
Derrick Steel
Last names
Alexeichik
Kruslicky
Bennett (as in Elizabeth!)
Maynard
Best cities
Plano, TX
Richardson, TX
Dallas, TX (ok, so all TX cities are exciting)
Chevy Chase, MD
Medford, OR
Shoemakersville, PA
Holdenville, OK (that's for my friend Natalie)
Sun City Center, FL
Spotsylvania, VA (that sounds like a disease)
Weirdest foreign matter
cross-section of mouse skeleton (that's how she described it...ewww...rather an unpleasant call)
fish meat...??? (that's what he described it as...whatever)
Funyuns extrudate (like one giant Funyun that didn't get shaped right)
Best sign-off
"You stay blessed, ma'am!"
Best pronunciation of a silent s
The lady who kept saying "Des Moines" with the s on the end.
Best compliment
"These are beautiful chips, just beautiful."
Weirdest flavor
Storytime. A caller said he had a bag of Lay's Crab Spice and wanted to know where to buy more. I thought, "What?! There's no crab flavor. That's ridonculous." I asked him if he was sure it was Lay's. He said yes. I looked it up to make sure there was no random discontinued crab flavor. There wasn't. I hadn't heard about a new flavor like that either. I thought the guy was hallucinating or something. How could we ever make a crab chips? That's just too nasty. A few days later, I got an email saying that the new Lay's Crab Spice had been added to the system. Gross! I can't believe it's a real thing!
Most passionate where-to-buy
This lady was one of those people willing to cross the seven seas and go to the four corners of the globe to find the chips they want. I went through the whole spiel with her-- I told her Flamin' Hot Fritos aren't available in her area and where in the US of A they are available, and that I would pass on her request. She accepted that but said in resignation, "You just tell them there's a black woman in Memphis who wants her Flamin' Hot Fritos!"
Best alternate name for an expiration date
due date
Best joke
"It's so hot here I saw Superman riding in a cab!"
Dumbest comment
"I just wanted to say I love the new bag without the sunflower. I'm so glad you took it off! I hated that sunflower!" I don't know what she was talking about--as far as I know we didn't take it off. Whatever. I'm glad she's happy. The funny thing is, the same day I got a lady who said she loved the sunflower. She collects sunflower stuff and they're so happy, blah, blah.
Most random questions
"There's a cat paw print on this bag. Is there some kind of write-up about Chester Cheetah?" Write-up? What?
"Can I make my own Fritos?" I don't know. Can you?
This guy wanted to me to give him an exact ratio of how many broken chips equals one whole chip because he was counting servings. He kept saying ambiguous things like, "How do I figure the chip? The big one is the actual chip?"
"Do you know if today's Tuesday?"
Um...
I answered the phone, "Good morning. Consumer Affairs. This is Summer."
Pause. I heard, "Who is this?" in a soft, somewhat creepy voice.
"This is Frito-Lay Consumer Affairs. Can I help you?"
Pause. "No."
"OK, thanks for calling Frito-Lay."
And the next call I got was the same guy. He said, "How much are they?"
"How much are what?"
"How much are they?" Then he hung up.
Best misnomer for Funyuns
potato chips
Biggest characters
Merle, owner of Merle's BBQ restaurant in south Texas, who had an awesome twang, talked my ear off, and called me "honey".
A 48-year-old who made sure I knew he was 48 years old, and then proceeded to go on and on about the weather and getting older. He said, "One day you'll wake up and start having aches and pains, and that's called nature. It's just common sense, it's part of nature." He also kept referring to stuff (like numbers on the bag) as "goop" and "doohickey". He was a weirdie. Maybe he hadn't taken his medicine...??
Dumbest reason to get mad
This guy got all bent out of shape because he had bought a bag on the expiration date. He was so upset that the store didn't pull it off the shelf before the date. He wouldn't even open the bag.
Captain Obvious of the week
This guy got all bent out of shape too. He started by saying he was calling about the guaranteed fresh date and that the date was October 9th. I guess he may never have said, "My chips aren't fresh," but that's what it sounded like, so I got all the info from the bag and then recapped by asking him details about how the chips weren't fresh. Then it went something like this:
"Oh, they're fresh, but the date's October 9th."
And I'm thinking, "Okay, so what's the problem?" which is basically what I said.
"Today's the 16th, right?"
"Yes, sir."
"But this is dated the 9th."
"Today is August 16th. We haven't gotten to October yet."
Then the lightbulb came on. "Oh, we're not to October yet." Yeah.
Top ten callers
Once again, Michigan is among the top contenders. I always groan inwardly when I see a call coming from the 313 area code (Detroit).
1. MI, CA 27
2. TX 24
3. OH 22
4. FL, NY, PA 17
5. IL 15
6. WI 13
7. IN, GA, NC 10
8. MN, MO, TN 8
9. NJ, MA, CT 6
10. VA, SC, OK 5
Letters
Dear Sir or Madam:
We have been trying to find the Doritos Salas Chips in our neighborhood. We have been total that the Distributer in our area no longer carries them. I was wondering if there is any way that they may be able to start caring them again. My son would love to be able to start getting these item again.
Frito-Lay Inc.
I have just finished my second bag, the biggest one, of your baked Lays. These bags will expire on September, that's next month. I am a senior of 80 years old and I eat a lot of these stuff and other cereals too, low or 0 saturated fat, 0 trans fat and 0 or low sodium. Can you possibly reduce the sodium content of your baked Lays? I think more will like my idea especially we seniors at the Open Arms Adult Health Care Center and others who have high blood pressures. I will also recommend it to everyone. When will it be available, please. Often I bring this stuff to the Adult Care Center. We buy our groceries at Vons Saturn Blvd. and so with my other son and his family. Thank you so much. Let me know.
Sign of the week
This is unrelated, but it's a pretty good sign of the week. Actually it's not a sign- -it's a group name I saw on Facebook:
Where in the world are all the Captain Moronis' & Stripling Warriors'?
Here's me in Canada...
...and my new desk.
And the winners are...
Best names
Women
Blanca
Shareen
Unique
Martrina
Denine
Tiarra
Chyri (like Sherry)
Lerissa (like La Risa)
Deidra (like Dedra Lane)
Zenobia
Tatrice
Bobi (like Bobby)
Sedoina
Saleenah
Men
Neven
Cleaver
Dajuawn
Gared
Keondre
Derrick Steel
Last names
Alexeichik
Kruslicky
Bennett (as in Elizabeth!)
Maynard
Best cities
Plano, TX
Richardson, TX
Dallas, TX (ok, so all TX cities are exciting)
Chevy Chase, MD
Medford, OR
Shoemakersville, PA
Holdenville, OK (that's for my friend Natalie)
Sun City Center, FL
Spotsylvania, VA (that sounds like a disease)
Weirdest foreign matter
cross-section of mouse skeleton (that's how she described it...ewww...rather an unpleasant call)
fish meat...??? (that's what he described it as...whatever)
Funyuns extrudate (like one giant Funyun that didn't get shaped right)
Best sign-off
"You stay blessed, ma'am!"
Best pronunciation of a silent s
The lady who kept saying "Des Moines" with the s on the end.
Best compliment
"These are beautiful chips, just beautiful."
Weirdest flavor
Storytime. A caller said he had a bag of Lay's Crab Spice and wanted to know where to buy more. I thought, "What?! There's no crab flavor. That's ridonculous." I asked him if he was sure it was Lay's. He said yes. I looked it up to make sure there was no random discontinued crab flavor. There wasn't. I hadn't heard about a new flavor like that either. I thought the guy was hallucinating or something. How could we ever make a crab chips? That's just too nasty. A few days later, I got an email saying that the new Lay's Crab Spice had been added to the system. Gross! I can't believe it's a real thing!
Most passionate where-to-buy
This lady was one of those people willing to cross the seven seas and go to the four corners of the globe to find the chips they want. I went through the whole spiel with her-- I told her Flamin' Hot Fritos aren't available in her area and where in the US of A they are available, and that I would pass on her request. She accepted that but said in resignation, "You just tell them there's a black woman in Memphis who wants her Flamin' Hot Fritos!"
Best alternate name for an expiration date
due date
Best joke
"It's so hot here I saw Superman riding in a cab!"
Dumbest comment
"I just wanted to say I love the new bag without the sunflower. I'm so glad you took it off! I hated that sunflower!" I don't know what she was talking about--as far as I know we didn't take it off. Whatever. I'm glad she's happy. The funny thing is, the same day I got a lady who said she loved the sunflower. She collects sunflower stuff and they're so happy, blah, blah.
Most random questions
"There's a cat paw print on this bag. Is there some kind of write-up about Chester Cheetah?" Write-up? What?
"Can I make my own Fritos?" I don't know. Can you?
This guy wanted to me to give him an exact ratio of how many broken chips equals one whole chip because he was counting servings. He kept saying ambiguous things like, "How do I figure the chip? The big one is the actual chip?"
"Do you know if today's Tuesday?"
Um...
I answered the phone, "Good morning. Consumer Affairs. This is Summer."
Pause. I heard, "Who is this?" in a soft, somewhat creepy voice.
"This is Frito-Lay Consumer Affairs. Can I help you?"
Pause. "No."
"OK, thanks for calling Frito-Lay."
And the next call I got was the same guy. He said, "How much are they?"
"How much are what?"
"How much are they?" Then he hung up.
Best misnomer for Funyuns
potato chips
Biggest characters
Merle, owner of Merle's BBQ restaurant in south Texas, who had an awesome twang, talked my ear off, and called me "honey".
A 48-year-old who made sure I knew he was 48 years old, and then proceeded to go on and on about the weather and getting older. He said, "One day you'll wake up and start having aches and pains, and that's called nature. It's just common sense, it's part of nature." He also kept referring to stuff (like numbers on the bag) as "goop" and "doohickey". He was a weirdie. Maybe he hadn't taken his medicine...??
Dumbest reason to get mad
This guy got all bent out of shape because he had bought a bag on the expiration date. He was so upset that the store didn't pull it off the shelf before the date. He wouldn't even open the bag.
Captain Obvious of the week
This guy got all bent out of shape too. He started by saying he was calling about the guaranteed fresh date and that the date was October 9th. I guess he may never have said, "My chips aren't fresh," but that's what it sounded like, so I got all the info from the bag and then recapped by asking him details about how the chips weren't fresh. Then it went something like this:
"Oh, they're fresh, but the date's October 9th."
And I'm thinking, "Okay, so what's the problem?" which is basically what I said.
"Today's the 16th, right?"
"Yes, sir."
"But this is dated the 9th."
"Today is August 16th. We haven't gotten to October yet."
Then the lightbulb came on. "Oh, we're not to October yet." Yeah.
Top ten callers
Once again, Michigan is among the top contenders. I always groan inwardly when I see a call coming from the 313 area code (Detroit).
1. MI, CA 27
2. TX 24
3. OH 22
4. FL, NY, PA 17
5. IL 15
6. WI 13
7. IN, GA, NC 10
8. MN, MO, TN 8
9. NJ, MA, CT 6
10. VA, SC, OK 5
Letters
Dear Sir or Madam:
We have been trying to find the Doritos Salas Chips in our neighborhood. We have been total that the Distributer in our area no longer carries them. I was wondering if there is any way that they may be able to start caring them again. My son would love to be able to start getting these item again.
Frito-Lay Inc.
I have just finished my second bag, the biggest one, of your baked Lays. These bags will expire on September, that's next month. I am a senior of 80 years old and I eat a lot of these stuff and other cereals too, low or 0 saturated fat, 0 trans fat and 0 or low sodium. Can you possibly reduce the sodium content of your baked Lays? I think more will like my idea especially we seniors at the Open Arms Adult Health Care Center and others who have high blood pressures. I will also recommend it to everyone. When will it be available, please. Often I bring this stuff to the Adult Care Center. We buy our groceries at Vons Saturn Blvd. and so with my other son and his family. Thank you so much. Let me know.
Sign of the week
This is unrelated, but it's a pretty good sign of the week. Actually it's not a sign- -it's a group name I saw on Facebook:
Where in the world are all the Captain Moronis' & Stripling Warriors'?
August 10, 2007
Frito-Lay Week 12
This week was a doozy. Monday was crazy busy, so I hope it's not a preview for next week, when the remaining two college guys will be gone and the new hires won't be on the phones yet. I had a lot of tricky ricky calls...and just plain goofy ones, so it was actually a challenge to pick the winners. Two Mondays ago one of my coworkers who likes to send goofy emails sent a warning that the day before there had been a full moon and there could be full moon backwash. (I had to have someone explain to me what that means.) I think the backwash got delayed until this week, though. Here we go...
Best names
Women
Chantice
Arlinda
Blanche (that's a cooking term and a color, not a name...blech)
Melandie
Shakira
Takita and Taketta, pronounced the same
Maletta
Kenyetta
Geraldine (made me think of Anne of Green Gables)
Aquilla
Wilma (twice)
Janiece Ann
Jaylynn (made me think of J'lynn Allred)
Alba
Vakarra
Ronsha
Kizzie
Earleen
Glory
Men
Trevan
Yakima
Louis Cornelius
Boris (twice)
Last names
Gozzo
Favorite
Parsley
Best cities
Nenana, AK (Made me think of the book I had when I was little about Balto the famous dog. Nenana was one of the stops on his journey to Nome with the medicine to save the people sick with diptheria. I've always liked that story. Balto was so smart and un-beagleish.)
Kokomo, IN (Okay, storytime again. When the caller said Kokomo, I almost laughed out loud because only the day before, on the way home, the Beach Boys song "Kokomo" was on the radio and I asked Dad if there really was a Kokomo. He said yes, and there was one in Indiana too. When I told him I got a call from Kokomo he said, "I told you!" I got another one today, too.)
Soldotna, AK
Rensselaer, IN
King of Prussia, PA
Fairfax, VA (that's for you, Natalie! I hope it makes you happy that when I saw the 703 area code I thought of you.)
Ellwood City, PA (For anyone who's not an Arthur fan like I am, he lives in Elwood City.)
Kilgore, TX (I can't hear that without thinking of the joke about Dubya that I'm sure you've all heard.)
Weirdest foreign matter
Penny (She called back later and said she didn't want to send it in because that was the evidence she needed that her son had almost choked and died on it. How is she going to prove it came from the bag?)
Machine part
Fake fingernail (she said it wasn't hers!)
2 safety pins, each sealed in a small clear plastic package
Plastic, plastic, and more plastic-- round, square, white, gray, burned, horseshoe-shaped-- you name it, I got it.
Best comedian
"Do you have a brother and sister named Fall and Winter? How many times have you heard that?" He laughed and laughed, and I fake laughed along with him.
Best description of Ruffles
"Those ripply chips, the ones with the ups and downs."
Best reaction to jalapeno cheddar cheese dip
"I said to my husband, we better get the fire extinguisher--that stuff's hot!"
Best reaction to jalapeno cheddar cheese dip with jalapenos
"Try it--it will make you a better person!" I really don't think it will.
Most articulate
"It was on my tongue and I swallowed it down my throat."
Most passionate about discontinued Sonic Sour Cream Doritos
"Tell them I have to eat them again before I die!"
Best would-be guilty confession
"I usually buy Ruffles, but Lay's are better."
Most unlikely cause-and-effect statement
"I have lots of down time, so I eat of lot of sunflower seeds."
Most unexpected reaction
When I explained to her that the expiration dates on our don't include the year and why, she said, "Is that legal? Doesn't the FDA forbid that or something?"
Best answers to "how many ounces are in the bag?"
"You mean how many are left? I already ate some."
"19, it's the one pound bag."
Happiest person ever (besides Mr. B)
"Make it the best day of your life!"
Slowest to understand the concept
After I had repeatedly told a man curious to know what "natural and artificial flavors" means that they're secret ingredients, he finally said, "Is it because someone else might want to start their own company?"
"This bag says "guaranteed fresh but I left the bag open overnight and they're not fresh." He seemed genuinely puzzled.
Funniest senior citizen
The lady who called to say (about 20 times) how much she loved Munchos, that she's a widow (about 4 times), that her dogs love Munchos too (she didn't think I believed her and kept saying "I'm not kidding!"), and that we should make snack foods for dogs. She also launched into a discussion of which other brands she tried before discovering Munchos and the history of Jay's potato chips. I got several other long-winded old people who wanted to talk about everything from the weather to the state of the world to their dead relatives, along with each one's interests, ages, and birthdays.
Most realistic wife
The one who said to her husband, after calling about foreign matter and before she hung up, "You can live without chips in your lunch for 2 days."
Best question
"My son told me you had to heat the jalapeno cheddar cheese dip. Is that true?"
First place for too much time on her hands
The girl who called to say we should change the word "be" on the nutrition label to "are" because it's a grammatical mistake.
Best prank
The teenage boy who tried to sound older and British (I think--he wasn't very successful at either) who told me how much he loves lindberger cheese. He said he loves it so much that he sleeps with a piece of it by his nose and we should make lindberger-flavored chips. I went along with it and at the end he said, "Well, I have to be off to feed my goats." I told him to have fun with those goats. He could've done better, but at least it was creative. Most pranks are just annoying.
Top ten callers
1. CA 34
2. TX 33
3. FL 28
4. MI, NY 22
5. IL 19
6. OH, PA 15
7. NJ 14
8. TN 10
9. IN, VA, NC 9
10. GA 8
Best child letter
dear miss 7-20-07
Just a few line to say hello how are you doing today. Yes I like to write you a letter and tell you that I love you taco shells a whole lot yes your taco shells is good to eat. Yes I like to have a free recipe book. Yes may I have a coupon please. write back
Love
Andrew Tommy West
Cry me a river, that's all I have to say about this one.
Also, good use of the word "ginormous."
Dear Cracker Jack,
I have fond memories of my childhood that involved boxes of Cracker Jack; a time when the prize inside a box of Cracker Jack was actually something good. Oh how I long for those days of sunshine, laughter, and a box of Cracker Jack, so I recently purchased a bag of Cracker Jack and was extremely disappointed to find a remnant of paper stating "fun science facts" and "jack's jokes" as the "surprise inside". I wondered what has happened to Cracker Jack over the years that it cannot provide a decent prize, not even an inexpensive MADE IN CHINA prize. The prize is really the whole point of even buying a bag of Cracker Jack because we all know it's not for the caramel coated popcorn and peanuts. We can buy ginormous cans of that via mail order during the holiday season that would last throughout the year. So I have enclosed the "surprise inside" and the bag with all the information needed to investigate how this bag got pass quality control.
Sounds to me like she needs a time machine, not a Cracker Jack prize. She included the prize and I thought the jokes were cute. I hope they're up to your standards, Little Robby!
Why do sharks only swim in salt water?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
Why was the frog happy?
Because he ate everything that bugged him.
Best names
Women
Chantice
Arlinda
Blanche (that's a cooking term and a color, not a name...blech)
Melandie
Shakira
Takita and Taketta, pronounced the same
Maletta
Kenyetta
Geraldine (made me think of Anne of Green Gables)
Aquilla
Wilma (twice)
Janiece Ann
Jaylynn (made me think of J'lynn Allred)
Alba
Vakarra
Ronsha
Kizzie
Earleen
Glory
Men
Trevan
Yakima
Louis Cornelius
Boris (twice)
Last names
Gozzo
Favorite
Parsley
Best cities
Nenana, AK (Made me think of the book I had when I was little about Balto the famous dog. Nenana was one of the stops on his journey to Nome with the medicine to save the people sick with diptheria. I've always liked that story. Balto was so smart and un-beagleish.)
Kokomo, IN (Okay, storytime again. When the caller said Kokomo, I almost laughed out loud because only the day before, on the way home, the Beach Boys song "Kokomo" was on the radio and I asked Dad if there really was a Kokomo. He said yes, and there was one in Indiana too. When I told him I got a call from Kokomo he said, "I told you!" I got another one today, too.)
Soldotna, AK
Rensselaer, IN
King of Prussia, PA
Fairfax, VA (that's for you, Natalie! I hope it makes you happy that when I saw the 703 area code I thought of you.)
Ellwood City, PA (For anyone who's not an Arthur fan like I am, he lives in Elwood City.)
Kilgore, TX (I can't hear that without thinking of the joke about Dubya that I'm sure you've all heard.)
Weirdest foreign matter
Penny (She called back later and said she didn't want to send it in because that was the evidence she needed that her son had almost choked and died on it. How is she going to prove it came from the bag?)
Machine part
Fake fingernail (she said it wasn't hers!)
2 safety pins, each sealed in a small clear plastic package
Plastic, plastic, and more plastic-- round, square, white, gray, burned, horseshoe-shaped-- you name it, I got it.
Best comedian
"Do you have a brother and sister named Fall and Winter? How many times have you heard that?" He laughed and laughed, and I fake laughed along with him.
Best description of Ruffles
"Those ripply chips, the ones with the ups and downs."
Best reaction to jalapeno cheddar cheese dip
"I said to my husband, we better get the fire extinguisher--that stuff's hot!"
Best reaction to jalapeno cheddar cheese dip with jalapenos
"Try it--it will make you a better person!" I really don't think it will.
Most articulate
"It was on my tongue and I swallowed it down my throat."
Most passionate about discontinued Sonic Sour Cream Doritos
"Tell them I have to eat them again before I die!"
Best would-be guilty confession
"I usually buy Ruffles, but Lay's are better."
Most unlikely cause-and-effect statement
"I have lots of down time, so I eat of lot of sunflower seeds."
Most unexpected reaction
When I explained to her that the expiration dates on our don't include the year and why, she said, "Is that legal? Doesn't the FDA forbid that or something?"
Best answers to "how many ounces are in the bag?"
"You mean how many are left? I already ate some."
"19, it's the one pound bag."
Happiest person ever (besides Mr. B)
"Make it the best day of your life!"
Slowest to understand the concept
After I had repeatedly told a man curious to know what "natural and artificial flavors" means that they're secret ingredients, he finally said, "Is it because someone else might want to start their own company?"
"This bag says "guaranteed fresh but I left the bag open overnight and they're not fresh." He seemed genuinely puzzled.
Funniest senior citizen
The lady who called to say (about 20 times) how much she loved Munchos, that she's a widow (about 4 times), that her dogs love Munchos too (she didn't think I believed her and kept saying "I'm not kidding!"), and that we should make snack foods for dogs. She also launched into a discussion of which other brands she tried before discovering Munchos and the history of Jay's potato chips. I got several other long-winded old people who wanted to talk about everything from the weather to the state of the world to their dead relatives, along with each one's interests, ages, and birthdays.
Most realistic wife
The one who said to her husband, after calling about foreign matter and before she hung up, "You can live without chips in your lunch for 2 days."
Best question
"My son told me you had to heat the jalapeno cheddar cheese dip. Is that true?"
First place for too much time on her hands
The girl who called to say we should change the word "be" on the nutrition label to "are" because it's a grammatical mistake.
Best prank
The teenage boy who tried to sound older and British (I think--he wasn't very successful at either) who told me how much he loves lindberger cheese. He said he loves it so much that he sleeps with a piece of it by his nose and we should make lindberger-flavored chips. I went along with it and at the end he said, "Well, I have to be off to feed my goats." I told him to have fun with those goats. He could've done better, but at least it was creative. Most pranks are just annoying.
Top ten callers
1. CA 34
2. TX 33
3. FL 28
4. MI, NY 22
5. IL 19
6. OH, PA 15
7. NJ 14
8. TN 10
9. IN, VA, NC 9
10. GA 8
Best child letter
dear miss 7-20-07
Just a few line to say hello how are you doing today. Yes I like to write you a letter and tell you that I love you taco shells a whole lot yes your taco shells is good to eat. Yes I like to have a free recipe book. Yes may I have a coupon please. write back
Love
Andrew Tommy West
Cry me a river, that's all I have to say about this one.
Also, good use of the word "ginormous."
Dear Cracker Jack,
I have fond memories of my childhood that involved boxes of Cracker Jack; a time when the prize inside a box of Cracker Jack was actually something good. Oh how I long for those days of sunshine, laughter, and a box of Cracker Jack, so I recently purchased a bag of Cracker Jack and was extremely disappointed to find a remnant of paper stating "fun science facts" and "jack's jokes" as the "surprise inside". I wondered what has happened to Cracker Jack over the years that it cannot provide a decent prize, not even an inexpensive MADE IN CHINA prize. The prize is really the whole point of even buying a bag of Cracker Jack because we all know it's not for the caramel coated popcorn and peanuts. We can buy ginormous cans of that via mail order during the holiday season that would last throughout the year. So I have enclosed the "surprise inside" and the bag with all the information needed to investigate how this bag got pass quality control.
Sounds to me like she needs a time machine, not a Cracker Jack prize. She included the prize and I thought the jokes were cute. I hope they're up to your standards, Little Robby!
Why do sharks only swim in salt water?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
Why was the frog happy?
Because he ate everything that bugged him.
August 8, 2007
Laughing with Logan volume 5
Here's the next installment of quips and quotes from everyone's favorite Professor.
"We live at this address. Come steal our identity." (I don't remember what the context was for that one...)
"Your hands smell like iced roses." (I think he was up after bedtime and just started putting random words together.)
"I am the random king."
Last Sunday when we were fasting and he was struggling to make it to dinner, he said, "Maybe I should take a nap, because I took a nap last week and when I woke up, Tommy was engaged!"
And later on the same day, "Is there anything I can eat that doesn't count as food?"
His new favorite things to call me? "Mr. Grumpy Pants." It doesn't seem to matter to him that I'm not a guy.
Yesterday he suddenly got all gung-ho about finding our lost copy of BRAT Patrol and combed the office for it. He was unsuccessful except for finding some old CDs, which made him happy. When he finally gave up he said, "We just have to move. Then we'll find it."
Recently I've been looking at some doo wop and oldies albums on the iTunes music store to put together a playlist for Dad. When Logan walked in the office yesterday and saw me at the computer again, he asked me if I had looked at some group and I said "yes, of course." He replied, "Wow, you're like an expert now. You should replace the oldies guy on KERA who always says 'I've loved oldies since I was a wee child...'"
"We live at this address. Come steal our identity." (I don't remember what the context was for that one...)
"Your hands smell like iced roses." (I think he was up after bedtime and just started putting random words together.)
"I am the random king."
Last Sunday when we were fasting and he was struggling to make it to dinner, he said, "Maybe I should take a nap, because I took a nap last week and when I woke up, Tommy was engaged!"
And later on the same day, "Is there anything I can eat that doesn't count as food?"
His new favorite things to call me? "Mr. Grumpy Pants." It doesn't seem to matter to him that I'm not a guy.
Yesterday he suddenly got all gung-ho about finding our lost copy of BRAT Patrol and combed the office for it. He was unsuccessful except for finding some old CDs, which made him happy. When he finally gave up he said, "We just have to move. Then we'll find it."
Recently I've been looking at some doo wop and oldies albums on the iTunes music store to put together a playlist for Dad. When Logan walked in the office yesterday and saw me at the computer again, he asked me if I had looked at some group and I said "yes, of course." He replied, "Wow, you're like an expert now. You should replace the oldies guy on KERA who always says 'I've loved oldies since I was a wee child...'"
August 5, 2007
Hair don'ts
Here's the latest from the Logan School of Hairstyling-- it's the coveted Saturday morning look!
August 3, 2007
Frito-Lay Week 11
Best names
First names
Lue
Barbie
Decky
Evonne (like Yvonne)
Dody
Raketa
Tracine
Kanesha
Ralana
Atiya
Shyra
Lorna
Rinda
Perri
Deba
Ivey (her North Carolina accent was so bad I didn't know what it was until she spelled it)
Last names
Shammama
Croak
Boozer
Hefty ("like the bag"--hyuk hyuk hyuk)
Best locations from which to call
Council Bluffs, IA (just for Dad)
Omaha, NE (again, just for Dad)
Lewisville, TX (no place better!)
Lackawanna, NY (who named that town?)
Weirdest foreign matter
Velcro
A piece of beef (I doubt that's what it really is)
Captain Obviouses of the week
After asking what kind of oil Fritos are cooked in and I said corn, CO #1 said, "Is that the same as canola?"
After I apologized that his chips were stale, CO #2 said, "It's not your fault, lady!"
Trickiest question to answer
Do Hot Cheetos make you fat? (that was from a little girl, too...)
Most confused about who's on the other end of the line
The lady who complained about her Smartfood popcorn and asked for a coupon to replace it. I told her she could use the coupon for any Frito-Lay product. She said, "Oh, Frito-Lay makes this?" I said yes, we do. She said, "Oh, you're Frito-Lay?"
Best past participle of bought
"boughten"
Best guilty conscience
My friend Andrew got a lady who said all 24 bags in her variety pack were stale. He's known to get annoyed with those calls and told her that was next to impossible. She fessed up and said it was really only 6 of the bags. According to Andrew, he asked her why she lied and she said she just got confused.
The numbers
The states with the most callers this week:
1. CA 30
2. TX 29
3. FL 25
4. NY 24
5. MI 21
6. IL 19
7. OH 17
8. NC, MO, IN, WA 11
9. PA, AZ, NJ 9
10. GA, KY 8
A side-note: I love when people say the state abbreviation when they're giving me their address, as if I don't know....?? Or when they spell easy names and street names like Sanders and Lakeview, when I can hear them just fine.
I was excited that there was a bunch of mail this morning. We're supposed to do 5 pieces a day, but there hasn't been any for the past couple weeks. Or maybe the mail hogs just take it all.
Best letter to put back and let someone else deal with
Dear Frito Lays Company,
I'm happy to say that, even though your products are salty goodness, think about the people out there that eats your products and continue to get obese. Have you ever thought some people can keep eating your products and something can happen to them? If something happens, would you take responsibility for what happens?
Easiest letter to deal with (by not responding!)
Dear Sir or Madam:
I'm writing to complain about the change in your products; specifically, from see-thru packaging to non see-thru, Lay's regular potato chips, KC Masterpiece barbeque chips and regular corn chips. I have been eating Lay's products since I was a kid and have recently noticed a change in your products. I called your customer service department a couple of months ago and was told that ONLY the packaging had been changed; but obviously that is not true. I don't understand why you continue to lie to your customers and tell us the sky is brown when we can definitely see it's blue. So I have sought out local brands and have found them to be more satisfying. Please don't send me any more coupons, or computer-generated letters. And you don't need the UPC codes because all of the products I mentioned above were purchased before their expiration dates and at different stores. I threw away the last coupons you sent me because I'm not interested in purchasing your product anymore. You have just lost a lifetime customer permanently. And I'm sure other customers have already and will do the same as I have done.
Best child letter for this week (also on graph paper)
Dear Frito-Lay Inc,
I am Chetan Malhotra. I am a big fan of your product Cheetos. I have been eating this product since 4 years. I used to eat your product Cheetos in India before I came to USA. I am really satisfied with the taste and freshness your product has. I really hope you guys keep your product Cheetos going. I will keep purchasing and keep eating your product. I love Cheetos and I'll keep loving it.
First names
Lue
Barbie
Decky
Evonne (like Yvonne)
Dody
Raketa
Tracine
Kanesha
Ralana
Atiya
Shyra
Lorna
Rinda
Perri
Deba
Ivey (her North Carolina accent was so bad I didn't know what it was until she spelled it)
Last names
Shammama
Croak
Boozer
Hefty ("like the bag"--hyuk hyuk hyuk)
Best locations from which to call
Council Bluffs, IA (just for Dad)
Omaha, NE (again, just for Dad)
Lewisville, TX (no place better!)
Lackawanna, NY (who named that town?)
Weirdest foreign matter
Velcro
A piece of beef (I doubt that's what it really is)
Captain Obviouses of the week
After asking what kind of oil Fritos are cooked in and I said corn, CO #1 said, "Is that the same as canola?"
After I apologized that his chips were stale, CO #2 said, "It's not your fault, lady!"
Trickiest question to answer
Do Hot Cheetos make you fat? (that was from a little girl, too...)
Most confused about who's on the other end of the line
The lady who complained about her Smartfood popcorn and asked for a coupon to replace it. I told her she could use the coupon for any Frito-Lay product. She said, "Oh, Frito-Lay makes this?" I said yes, we do. She said, "Oh, you're Frito-Lay?"
Best past participle of bought
"boughten"
Best guilty conscience
My friend Andrew got a lady who said all 24 bags in her variety pack were stale. He's known to get annoyed with those calls and told her that was next to impossible. She fessed up and said it was really only 6 of the bags. According to Andrew, he asked her why she lied and she said she just got confused.
The numbers
The states with the most callers this week:
1. CA 30
2. TX 29
3. FL 25
4. NY 24
5. MI 21
6. IL 19
7. OH 17
8. NC, MO, IN, WA 11
9. PA, AZ, NJ 9
10. GA, KY 8
A side-note: I love when people say the state abbreviation when they're giving me their address, as if I don't know....?? Or when they spell easy names and street names like Sanders and Lakeview, when I can hear them just fine.
I was excited that there was a bunch of mail this morning. We're supposed to do 5 pieces a day, but there hasn't been any for the past couple weeks. Or maybe the mail hogs just take it all.
Best letter to put back and let someone else deal with
Dear Frito Lays Company,
I'm happy to say that, even though your products are salty goodness, think about the people out there that eats your products and continue to get obese. Have you ever thought some people can keep eating your products and something can happen to them? If something happens, would you take responsibility for what happens?
Easiest letter to deal with (by not responding!)
Dear Sir or Madam:
I'm writing to complain about the change in your products; specifically, from see-thru packaging to non see-thru, Lay's regular potato chips, KC Masterpiece barbeque chips and regular corn chips. I have been eating Lay's products since I was a kid and have recently noticed a change in your products. I called your customer service department a couple of months ago and was told that ONLY the packaging had been changed; but obviously that is not true. I don't understand why you continue to lie to your customers and tell us the sky is brown when we can definitely see it's blue. So I have sought out local brands and have found them to be more satisfying. Please don't send me any more coupons, or computer-generated letters. And you don't need the UPC codes because all of the products I mentioned above were purchased before their expiration dates and at different stores. I threw away the last coupons you sent me because I'm not interested in purchasing your product anymore. You have just lost a lifetime customer permanently. And I'm sure other customers have already and will do the same as I have done.
Best child letter for this week (also on graph paper)
Dear Frito-Lay Inc,
I am Chetan Malhotra. I am a big fan of your product Cheetos. I have been eating this product since 4 years. I used to eat your product Cheetos in India before I came to USA. I am really satisfied with the taste and freshness your product has. I really hope you guys keep your product Cheetos going. I will keep purchasing and keep eating your product. I love Cheetos and I'll keep loving it.
August 1, 2007
My room!
Post-spackling.
Post-priming.
Post-painting.
Of the colors I had originally looked at, my favorite was Sherwin-Williams Belize, but their paint is way expensive, so Mom went to Home Depot and asked if the Behr guys could mix some up. They said they couldn't make it exact, so Mom picked one of their colors that came the closest. It's called Sweet Rhapsody, and it's a little greener and lighter than Belize but I like it a lot! Thanks to Logan and especially Mom for all their help! Now we just have to move the furniture back in...the bed is so heavy...
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