Best namesShameka
Lugene
Glindia
Channetta
Kione
Maricka
Tezin
Jelisa
Olga
Delecia
Mechelle
Lolita
Summer!
Best street namesSt Elmo's Fire
Olga Dr
Kingston Dr
Best citiesBlawnox PA
Mount Airy GA
Springfield VA (Natalie lives there!)
Burlington VT (Dad wants to live there!)
Waldoboro ME
Independence MO
Darlington SC
Humansville MO
State College PA
Delight AR
Uncasville CT
Crescent City CA (scary dudes live there!)
Rancho Santa Margarita CA
Best foreign matterkeys
cardboard
yellow gravel...???
Best reasons to call-to report a stale bag of something that was discontinued in July 2006
-to ask how to get on the back of a Doritos bag (that was an 11-yr-old, no less)
-to ask how we make our potato chips so round
-to complain that a 4oz bag of Cracker Jack does not have enough peanuts. It had 9.
-to ask, "Do you guys make Cheezits?" and when you get a negative, say, "You guys are amazing."
-to tell us how great our Flat Earth Tangy Tomato Ranch chips are, but that they'd be even better with bbq
-to ask how you can buy some stocks. Um, talk to your broker?
-to ask how you can buy our packages before they've been printed on
-to tell us how much you like the leopard in tennis shoes
-to offer everyone in the office as many Hebrew National hot dogs as they can eat
# of people who called tortilla chips "tortillia chips": a lot
# of summer jokes not worthy of repetition: too many to count
Best way to deal with your 18th bad bag of chips:take it to your local Frito-Lay Michigan sales office and talk to the rep there while half-listening to me at the same time, and insist at the end of the call that he keep it
More funniesWhen asked for the date on the bag--"August 26...I don't know if that's a date."
"Who makes your products? Is it Frito-Lay?"
"I'm a long, long fan of Cracker Jack."
"You sound like you're not awake yet." Gee, thanks. I didn't think you were done with your story yet.
Best thing written on the envelope: Please read. Thanks. It is a compliment.
LettersBest concluding sentenceI recently purchased a bag of Lays Wavy Original chips and discovered this white hair. I do not have white hair. I wish to bring this to your attention as no one appreciated hair in their food. It was on a chip--amazing that I could see it. My lamp is very bright.
good old Armando againDear To Whom It May Concern;
Hi! How's it going? I'm OK. I'm writing you this letter to let you know how much I love your potatoe chips. Your company has made the finest, irresistible tasting chips ever! My favorite's are the (classic, barbecue, sour cream & onion, cheddar, salt & vinegar) these flavors are so delicious and so so good that every bite I take I can actually taste the ingredients. I like the Lay's logo it looks like the sun with a red ribbon around it. When I would go to work I take half a bag eat some on my break or before and after my shift starts I'd munch on them. I've been eating potatoe chips all my life this brand is the best! Whenever I had the chance I would go to the food mart buy a bag of potatoe chips, candy bar and a bottle of soda pop and I would snack them at home. A lot of people have been buying your food product for years and it has become very popular! You have competition with another brand of potatoe chips--"Doritos". They're making your potatoe chips because I'm your fan favorite, try another flavor like Ranch.
Sincerely yours,
Armando
Best anti-quality letterOne question I have about all your potato chips is where's the dark ones? I always used to get some dark ones in any bag I bought back in the olden days--a few years ago. My husband, son and I used to share a bag of chips. The rule was that nobody could eat a brown one. If they got a brown one, they automatically gave it to me. I can't be the only one who likes the brown chips, can I? Has your quality control become so sophisticated that you just whip the "too brown ones" out of the pile? But the real question is, what happens to those delicious brown chips?
Biggest fake-fakieI have enjoyed your products my whole life. Especially Lay's Classic Potato chips. I saw a new snack of yours today. Lay's Cracker Crisps, and wanted to try it. I glanced at the nutritional info and saw 0g Trans Fat. As someone with a family history of heart disease, this is important to me. I eat healthy and one thing I like about your Lay's Classic Potato Chips is that they are made of all natural ingredients. I bought a package of the new Lay's Cracker Crisps and tried them. They were good! They had an unusual taste so I looked at the ingredients to see what they were made of, and one thing jumped out. Partially Hydrogenated oils! But no Trans Fat? How could this be? I looked online and saw that levels below .5g do not need to be disclosed! I just wanted to write to express my disapointment with your company. This practice is deceptive and you should not do it. The bad products will bring the perception of the good products down.
They're on to usDear Mr. and Mrs. Lay's
My 19 year old son commented today on how, when he opened your bag of chips, there were hardly any chips inside, he's also onto the pressurized bag trick. Just like the story about the lame Girl Scout Cookies today, there being pathetically less cookies in the package than there used to be. As of today I stopped buying your products, all of them, and my son said he will no longer be buying your products, as will his family to be, and his generation. So you MBA's just keep on generating those profits for your stockholders...(and of course your stock options), you are on the way, or the next geneation of MBA's at your company, to the great Enron gates in the skies.
A former "sick of it" customer...
New York City
But wait, there's more...Unfortunately, you in customer service who may potentially forward this letter, will be the FIRST to be fired. The warning signs are there, your company does not even have an email service on their web site in order to control costs, (no staffing), and exercise their business model.
Boy, that prestigious faculty at Wharton
had all the answers. I just don't remember that dictum, what you ugys are practicing, you know..."Profits at the loss of customers"
I hand wrote the envelope because I wanted to give this letter that "Awh Shucks" country bumpkin appeal, y'all know how dumb the public is.
Best compliment second runner-up
My name is Brittany and I'm writing your company to tell you how much I like your chips. I love your Hot Flamins because they're good, spicy and my favorite kind. I wouldn't eat no other chips but your kind. I really do apprieciate all you've done with making hot flamins chips. Continue to do a good job at making your delicious chips.
Best compliment first runner-upI am amazed by the quality and taste of Miss Vickie's Hand-Picked Jalapeno chips. I love these chips!!! I get them every time I can. I tell my mom to buy them in bulk at Costco, i am being completely honest when I say these chips are so awesome. On the bag it says that you pick out the best ingredients and slowly cook them in a old-skool kettle, I did not believe that but when you open that bag and taste them I had no doubt that you were not bluffing!! My mother likes them to but not for the same reason I like them, she like them because of they have no artificial stuff and zero grams of trans fat! Anyways I jsut wanted to let you guys know that your chips rock and I appreciate you taking the time to make them! Once again Thank you!!!
Best compliment winner!
Hello, my name is Anne Nichols. I am a fifth grader here at Lebanon Middle School. I am writing to compliment you on your white-cheesed snack, Smartfood. Everyone that I've ever met has tried your corn-tastic treat and agreed that it's fabulous. The taste is supreme, and the color is so wonderful that it would be enough to make you want to jump into the bag and make popcorn angles. I also have some suggestions, but I won't spoil the pleasant moment. I have so much to ask and tell you.
My whole family loves Smartfood. We all adore the creamy-goodness of the corn. As I nibble into the treat I only focus on the taste. It's like biting into heaven! How do you pack that much crunchiness into such a small bag? I truly have no idea how you do it. Another question, does anyone in your company ever sneak some popcorn into their mouth as they work?
How do you do it? How do you make your corn so white? Your Smartfood is whiter then the board in my classroom. Your popcorn is like magic. It's like a wizard cast a spell on it and it can never turn a different color. I would love to see how you make your Smartfood enchantments.
Remember earlier in my letter I told you I had some suggestions? Well, for my first proposal may I suggest a new flavor of cheese? Like maybe cheddar or parmesan, who knows! Hey, maybe you could do extra cheesiness. Another idea, have you ever thought of making chocolate-covered popcorn? I know many people that would cork down more corn after it was smothered in chocolate. I mean who wouldn't? Every one loves chocolate, and who doesn't love popcorn? They are a perfect match.
So once again, I thank you. But not just for taking the time to read my letter but for making Smartfood! I would be so sad if you didn't make your popcorn anymore. I mean who doesn't love to lick cheese of their fingers? It's the best eating popcorn. Well I hope you take at leat one of my suggestions but if you took all of them that would be awesome. Well either way, I hope you keep on making your Smartfood!
PS Does Smartfood really make you smart? I am going to test that one day.
On to Garland, where the gooseberries were ripe!
And the swing was calling our names!
It was great to see the little house again after two years. Aunt Jan's displays from her art show the week before were still up and they looked beautiful.
The bedrooms had quilt displays. There was also some other sewing, some of Grandpa's poems, family history stuff (like his Australia book), and some of Uncle Ron's gun collection. Aunt Jan has also redecorated the walls (like the one just inside the kitchen door seen above), put some pictures of G&G King on pillows, and ripped out the old carpet.
And Aunt Karla put in this rock path.
Logan gets credit for this one.
We had a great turnout for our potluck dinner...at least there were more people than I thought there would be. Here's Jessica's Hallie and Stephanie's Wyatt, Whitney & Courtney, the rodeo queens. Those four were chasing after each other the whole time.
Mom talking with cousin Elizabeth, Aunt May's daughter, who lived in the old house for several years.
Kent Church's dog Brody, who was very well-behaved. Not like some dogs we know.
Jessica's baby Garrison.
Uncle Yale and Dad shootin' the breeze.
Wyatt running away from me. I wish I had gotten cuter pictures of the children. They are really cute.
Raelyn's daughter Addilyn (sp?)
Marci's baby Garrett
Stephanie's baby Oakley
I don't remember his name, but this little guy (Raelyn's younger one) was being a shameless flirt. So funny. Complete rundown on attendance, as far as I recall: Ron & Sharon, Bruce & Roxana, Yale, Sharol & Ray, Karla, cousin Elizabeth, Jessica & Gary and Hallie, little brother & Garrison; Stephanie and Whitney, Courtney, Wyatt & Oakley; Marci and Zachary, Wyatt, Lacey & Garrett; Raelyn & Matt and Addilyn & little bro; Kolony and her children; Kristen and her children; Kent Church; Holly and her youngest Joel; Robyn & Trapper and Dax & Avery. And the four of us. Names are escaping me here. 
