Frito-Lay Week 9

And the winners...or whiners...or wieners...are:

Best names
Women
Lawanna
Dona (like Donna)
Nataly
Ecia
Wilena (will-EEN-uh)
Fatima
Coretha
Antoinette (twice)
Quanisha
Tenisha
Cleopatra
Ranysha
Hilda
Tahkeithra

Last names
Chappie
Constant
Funk
Hammer

Best locations from which to call
Braintree, MA (thought of you, Kace- I'm also reading John Adams)
Queen Creek, AZ (thought of you, An)
Glastonbury, CT (thought of Kirk & Sheryle)
Coos Bay, OR (by Doris' hometown of Brookings- and what better name is there than Coos Bay?- so many good thoughts going around!)

Funniest reason for calling
Consumer: Your bags are sold by weight, not volume. Is that correct?
Me: yes
Consumer: Could you please repeat that to my wife?

Weirdest reason for calling
One of my neighbors got this call and I listened in. It went something like this.
Consumer: "I'm calling about the picture on the back of the Doritos bag."
Rep: "OK, how may I help you?"
Consumer: "I'm calling about the picture on the back of the Doritos bag."
Rep: "What about it?"
Consumer: "I'm looking for a missing person."
Rep: "Frito-Lay doesn't have any missing persons programs. You need to call your local police department."
Consumer: "But there's a picture of a child on the back of the back and it says 'missing persons.'"
Rep: "No, you must be mistaken. The pictures on the back of Doritos bags are of kids who got awards for special achievements. They're not missing. You need to call your local police department if you're looking for someone."

She finally got off the phone but called back a few minutes later and got the same rep. Eventually the rep transferred her to a manager. I don't know what the lady said then but she hung up after a while. Weird.

Most questions in the same call
"I have a jar of Toss-titos Salsa con Qwesso." (that's how she said it) "It's been in my fridge for 3 mos., but there's no date. Is it still good? Is it fattening? Can I heat the jar? Should I take the lid off to microwave it?" Took a while to get her ironed out.

Best comments about my name
"Hi, Summer. This is winter!" (followed by excessive laughter)

"I had an ex-girlfriend named Summer. You're not from California, are you?"

Best comments period
"I appreciate your perkiness!"

Me: Is there anything else I can do for you?
Consumer: Yeah, just send that guy on a white horse my way.

Best comment from Chris (the guy in the cube opposite me)
(this one's for Kaci) "Someone needs to go break his legs."

"You'll have to go through your broker for that."

Dumbest prank
"Are Miss Vickie's Jalapeno chips supposed to be purple when you open the bag?"

Best misnomers
The guy who said he wanted some "Miss Vicker's" chips...

and the girl who said she loves cheese doodles. When I asked her if she was referring to Cheetos and which of the 500 kinds it was, she kept saying cheese doodles. Whatever.

Worst paranoia about domestic vs non-domestic products
A lady asked if any of our products are made outside the US. I said Lay's STAX are made in Mexico and everything else is made in the US, and the following way-longer-than-necessary conversation ensued:
"So Doritos are made in the US?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"And Fritos?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"What about Cheetos?"
"Yes, ma'am. All our products are made in the US except Lay's STAX." How many different ways can I say it?

And then there's the lady who was so freaked that she had me name all the states where Fritos are made, which is several.

Best office bet
I think that's what it was, because this guy had me on speaker or something- I could hear lots of male laughter- and he asked how many bags we make a day. Well, we don't have any numbers like that but one of my coworkers happens to have a sheet of Lay's facts that said we make 13 million bags a day. (I included that at the bottom for your reading pleasure.) I told him that number, there was a chorus of "wows" and then he asked how many stupid questions like that do I get in a day. I said five, which may have been a slight exaggeration, but they loved it and laughed even harder.

Weirdest foreign matter
3" piece of rubber tubing
12" by 14" piece of white cloth
round pea-sized piece of metal inside a Cheeto (always look at your chips before you eat them!)

Grossest question
After reporting that a can of STAX was mildewed (or so she said), this lady asked, "Will I get sick from eating these?" Why would you want to eat them?!

Most articulate letter
In an old-school type-written letter: "These chips were all broken up and there wasn't one that was in tack."

Best preface to a suggestion letter
"I have tryed your new Sun Chips (underlined) and they are great. So I have an ideal that will work for you a new labor. Smile (underlined) But sir I would like for you, yourself to try this." I wish I could quote more but then the FL mafia would come get me. :) The handwriting was funny, too- big, shaky capital letters.

Funniest compliment letter
Re: Munchies Cheese Fix
To whom it may concern:
I was at work at about 4 pm when urge for something to munch on was so overwhelming that I had to dive to the bottom of my handbag in search for loose change to feed the need. I had had a salad "bleegch" (insert sound effect here) for lunch. I gathered what little I had left since payday was still 72 whole hours away.
There I was undecided as to what to get. Something sweet? Nah! Something salty? Maybe. Then my eyes fell upon a bag that was unknown to me and my kind (nine to fiver). So the sun came out at that moment and the angels sung a song so heavenly I had to rush to my other cube mates and expound upon the greatness of Cheetos, Doritos, Rold Gold pretzels and Sunchips all in the single small snack bag.
I gathered what strength I had left after being weakened from the taste of greatness. I made haste to the nearest workstation to complete this letter to praise your company and whoever came up with this bright idea. I am working on my abs too so the small size bag was an added bonus. Thank you Frito Lay! Three cheers to you.

Most random/Sibylish letter and possibly my all-time favorite
Lay's
A Signature Tasted?
Same Delicious flavor with excellence...
Most popular...
Elton Livingston...

Lay's fun facts
For all you stat lovers, here are some numbers for you.

Lay's is the world's favorite potato chip and the #1 snack brand and potato chip in the US.

Lay's are produced worldwide in 65 plants- 26 in the US and 39 around the world.

Lay's is sold in 40 countries and is the #1 preferred potato chip in more than 20 countries, including Mexico, Venezuela and China. Some international flavors include Chicken and Tomato in Poland, Seaweed in Taiwan, Sweet Basil and Fried Pork in Thailand, Ketchup in Canada and Mayonnaise in Ecuador.

Globally, Frito-Lay uses over 6 billion lbs of potatoes every year to make Lay's.

In the US, 13 million bags of Lay's are produced per day and 3.4 billion bags are produced every year.

Every hour, nearly 150,000 lbs of Lay's, or 55 million chips, are produced in the US.

It takes 4 lbs of raw potatoes to make one lb of Lay's.

Lay's potatoes are proprietary- they have their own trademark!

And some numbers from the Irving, TX plant:
640 workers
Open almost around the clock
On average, 600,000 lbs of raw materials are processed per 8-hr shift.
A shipment of 46,000 lbs of raw potatoes lasts only 2 1/2 hrs.