Frito-Lay Week 12

This week was a doozy. Monday was crazy busy, so I hope it's not a preview for next week, when the remaining two college guys will be gone and the new hires won't be on the phones yet. I had a lot of tricky ricky calls...and just plain goofy ones, so it was actually a challenge to pick the winners. Two Mondays ago one of my coworkers who likes to send goofy emails sent a warning that the day before there had been a full moon and there could be full moon backwash. (I had to have someone explain to me what that means.) I think the backwash got delayed until this week, though. Here we go...

Best names
Women
Chantice
Arlinda
Blanche (that's a cooking term and a color, not a name...blech)
Melandie
Shakira
Takita and Taketta, pronounced the same
Maletta
Kenyetta
Geraldine (made me think of Anne of Green Gables)
Aquilla
Wilma (twice)
Janiece Ann
Jaylynn (made me think of J'lynn Allred)
Alba
Vakarra
Ronsha
Kizzie
Earleen
Glory

Men
Trevan
Yakima
Louis Cornelius
Boris (twice)

Last names
Gozzo
Favorite
Parsley

Best cities
Nenana, AK (Made me think of the book I had when I was little about Balto the famous dog. Nenana was one of the stops on his journey to Nome with the medicine to save the people sick with diptheria. I've always liked that story. Balto was so smart and un-beagleish.)

Kokomo, IN (Okay, storytime again. When the caller said Kokomo, I almost laughed out loud because only the day before, on the way home, the Beach Boys song "Kokomo" was on the radio and I asked Dad if there really was a Kokomo. He said yes, and there was one in Indiana too. When I told him I got a call from Kokomo he said, "I told you!" I got another one today, too.)

Soldotna, AK

Rensselaer, IN

King of Prussia, PA

Fairfax, VA (that's for you, Natalie! I hope it makes you happy that when I saw the 703 area code I thought of you.)

Ellwood City, PA (For anyone who's not an Arthur fan like I am, he lives in Elwood City.)

Kilgore, TX (I can't hear that without thinking of the joke about Dubya that I'm sure you've all heard.)

Weirdest foreign matter
Penny (She called back later and said she didn't want to send it in because that was the evidence she needed that her son had almost choked and died on it. How is she going to prove it came from the bag?)

Machine part

Fake fingernail (she said it wasn't hers!)

2 safety pins, each sealed in a small clear plastic package

Plastic, plastic, and more plastic-- round, square, white, gray, burned, horseshoe-shaped-- you name it, I got it.

Best comedian
"Do you have a brother and sister named Fall and Winter? How many times have you heard that?" He laughed and laughed, and I fake laughed along with him.

Best description of Ruffles
"Those ripply chips, the ones with the ups and downs."

Best reaction to jalapeno cheddar cheese dip
"I said to my husband, we better get the fire extinguisher--that stuff's hot!"

Best reaction to jalapeno cheddar cheese dip with jalapenos
"Try it--it will make you a better person!" I really don't think it will.

Most articulate
"It was on my tongue and I swallowed it down my throat."

Most passionate about discontinued Sonic Sour Cream Doritos
"Tell them I have to eat them again before I die!"

Best would-be guilty confession
"I usually buy Ruffles, but Lay's are better."

Most unlikely cause-and-effect statement
"I have lots of down time, so I eat of lot of sunflower seeds."

Most unexpected reaction
When I explained to her that the expiration dates on our don't include the year and why, she said, "Is that legal? Doesn't the FDA forbid that or something?"

Best answers to "how many ounces are in the bag?"
"You mean how many are left? I already ate some."

"19, it's the one pound bag."

Happiest person ever (besides Mr. B)
"Make it the best day of your life!"

Slowest to understand the concept
After I had repeatedly told a man curious to know what "natural and artificial flavors" means that they're secret ingredients, he finally said, "Is it because someone else might want to start their own company?"

"This bag says "guaranteed fresh but I left the bag open overnight and they're not fresh." He seemed genuinely puzzled.

Funniest senior citizen
The lady who called to say (about 20 times) how much she loved Munchos, that she's a widow (about 4 times), that her dogs love Munchos too (she didn't think I believed her and kept saying "I'm not kidding!"), and that we should make snack foods for dogs. She also launched into a discussion of which other brands she tried before discovering Munchos and the history of Jay's potato chips. I got several other long-winded old people who wanted to talk about everything from the weather to the state of the world to their dead relatives, along with each one's interests, ages, and birthdays.

Most realistic wife
The one who said to her husband, after calling about foreign matter and before she hung up, "You can live without chips in your lunch for 2 days."

Best question
"My son told me you had to heat the jalapeno cheddar cheese dip. Is that true?"

First place for too much time on her hands
The girl who called to say we should change the word "be" on the nutrition label to "are" because it's a grammatical mistake.

Best prank
The teenage boy who tried to sound older and British (I think--he wasn't very successful at either) who told me how much he loves lindberger cheese. He said he loves it so much that he sleeps with a piece of it by his nose and we should make lindberger-flavored chips. I went along with it and at the end he said, "Well, I have to be off to feed my goats." I told him to have fun with those goats. He could've done better, but at least it was creative. Most pranks are just annoying.

Top ten callers
1. CA 34
2. TX 33
3. FL 28
4. MI, NY 22
5. IL 19
6. OH, PA 15
7. NJ 14
8. TN 10
9. IN, VA, NC 9
10. GA 8

Best child letter
dear miss 7-20-07
Just a few line to say hello how are you doing today. Yes I like to write you a letter and tell you that I love you taco shells a whole lot yes your taco shells is good to eat. Yes I like to have a free recipe book. Yes may I have a coupon please. write back
Love
Andrew Tommy West

Cry me a river, that's all I have to say about this one.
Also, good use of the word "ginormous."

Dear Cracker Jack,
I have fond memories of my childhood that involved boxes of Cracker Jack; a time when the prize inside a box of Cracker Jack was actually something good. Oh how I long for those days of sunshine, laughter, and a box of Cracker Jack, so I recently purchased a bag of Cracker Jack and was extremely disappointed to find a remnant of paper stating "fun science facts" and "jack's jokes" as the "surprise inside". I wondered what has happened to Cracker Jack over the years that it cannot provide a decent prize, not even an inexpensive MADE IN CHINA prize. The prize is really the whole point of even buying a bag of Cracker Jack because we all know it's not for the caramel coated popcorn and peanuts. We can buy ginormous cans of that via mail order during the holiday season that would last throughout the year. So I have enclosed the "surprise inside" and the bag with all the information needed to investigate how this bag got pass quality control.

Sounds to me like she needs a time machine, not a Cracker Jack prize. She included the prize and I thought the jokes were cute. I hope they're up to your standards, Little Robby!

Why do sharks only swim in salt water?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze!

Why was the frog happy?
Because he ate everything that bugged him.