Frito-Lay Week 14

I'm done with Frito, at least until Christmas break. Hope you enjoy the last post in a long time!

Best names
Women
Sonji
Teneisha
Ceira (hard C sound)
Artiemisha
Dowla
Debi
Lacasha
Shantia

Men
Jeremie
Mersaydez (that was a little boy...I think)

Last names
Speletich
Guggenberger

Best cities
Lewisville, TX 75067! It's great when I know the zip before they say it.
Carrollton, TX (close 2nd)
St Hedwig, TX (If you're a Harry Potter fan you know that Hedwig is his pet owl. Apparently he was a saint too.)
Fremont and Bennington, NE (Just for Dad...they're a hop, skip and a jump away from Blair.)
Summerland Key, FL (That one's obvious)
Happy Valley, PA (That should be in Utah)
Normal, IL
Nevada, TX
Wyoming, PA
Poland, OH
Bolivia, NC
I only got two calls from Utah this week, and they were both from Orem and both today. Weird.

Weirdest foreign matter
rag
pebble (in sunflower seeds that would not be weird, but this one was embedded in a chip...maybe it's not really a pebble)
lots and lots of hair. Other than that, this week has been good in terms of foreign matter.

Funniest reason to call
To see if your child has been calling and "scamming." One mother did. She said they've been getting letters and coupons from several different companies. I guess her kids are doing the rounds.

Dumbest complaint
Cracker Jack boxes are too hard to open. "Have you ever opened one? Try it. You'll be amazed how hard it is." Good grief. If you don't like the boxes, buy the bags.

Most precise way of stating the exact reason for calling
"I didn't need to call you, but I'm calling you." Huh?

Best jokes
These are from an interesting lady who kept me on the phone for at least 15 minutes. She just rattled off joke after joke. Most of them are inappropriate. These were my favorites:

What did Baby Corn say to Mommy Corn?
Where's Pop Corn?

What was Mark Twain's friend's name?
Choo Choo Twain.

Dirtiest use of a non-dirty word
"I don't want to sound offensive, but they almost tasted like…knockoff Doritos."

Best misnomer
The man who called a "gecko" a "geico" like the insurance company.

Firsts
I got my first complaint about a commercial (boy, was she fired up!) and my first compliment about Cracker Jack. No one calls to compliment Cracker Jack. Those are some of my least favorite calls, and I can usually tell when they're coming. Most of them are old people who tell me how old they are and how long they've been eating Cracker Jack, and they go on and on about how they took the peanuts out and they took the great prizes out and it's not what it used to be.

Biggest Fattest New England accent
The guy I just talked to from Manchestah, New Hampshah. Wow. Kaci, I thought of you.

People who really like being on hold
When I answered the phone this woman didn't say, "Hi! How are you?" or "These chips are stale." She said, "Oh, I love that song!" (Her tone of voice said, "Why did you pick up the phone so fast?" like I should be sorry.) "My 4-yr-old granddaughter knows the words. She sings along, something about carving my name into the seat, smashing headlights, slashing tires, and she has a Louisville Slugger..." She went on and on, which I thought was very disturbing because it's a very bitter Kelly Clarkson song about getting revenge on a boy that no little girl should know. But this woman seemed to think it was funny.

I was trying to get this kid off the phone who was just calling to get coupons and ask dumb questions because she was bored. (I noticed she's called at least once a year since 2003.) Finally she asked me something I had to look up, and I could have done it in 5 seconds, but she said, "Can you put me back on the phone?" which means "Can you put me on hold?" So I did. I'll put her on hold whenever she wants.

Captain Obvious of the week
After I asked him for the guaranteed fresh date and he said he didn't see it, I asked him again (politely, of course) and told him exactly where to look. He said, "There's no date on here except Sept 25."

Weirdest weirdies
All of these women hung up on me...this was the entire conversation.
1. "Why are the chips brown? Is this a good date?" She gave me an October date and I assured her that it was from this year. Then she said, "Can you check the date on the computer?" and hung up. This might have been a prank...I'm not sure that flat, extremely nasal voice was real. If it was, that's scary.

2. "Do you sell the corn chips from your place?" Once I figured out she was referring to here at hq as opposed to somewhere else like my house, I said no, and is there a particular flavor that she's looking for? She said, "Um...the flavor's not on here." Then she hung up.

3. Unlike the other two who sounded drowsy or maybe drugged, this lady started off ranting. "Why do you only fill the bags halfway? Why not just make the bag smaller? I should pay the same price for a bag half the size." I tried to interrupt and explain that we can't fill the bags to the top, but she just hung up on me.

Longest, weirdest and funniest coupon request
This lady had a strong accent, south Asian I think. She told me how much she loves Rold Gold pretzels and then asked for coupons, and when I said yes she said, "Oh bless you! I'm so excited I love the pretzels!" Then she asked if I could send some to her boyfriend, who apparently is Rold Gold's biggest fan. So she gave me his address, then launched into an effusive monologue about his devotion to pretzels that went something like this. "I call him Mr. Pretzel. I say to him, 'Mark, what is your favorite food?' And he say, 'Pretzel!' He is 52 years old and takes a bag of pretzels every day for lunch in his briefcase. And every day I say to him, 'Mark, what did you eat today?' And he say, 'What else? Pretzel!' And I say to him, 'Your name is not Mark. It's Mr. Pretzel.'"

Top nine callers
The numbers are weird this week.
1. CA 22
2. TX 17
3. NY 16
4. IL 12
5. OH 11
6. FL, CT 9
7. PA, TN 7
8. MI, MN 6
9. IN, NC, MD 5

Weirdest letter
There was a bag and a note that said, "Please forward my winner to the above address. Thank you." Apparently he thought he won something.

Longest sentence in a letter
Please find enclosed a bar code and a bag from a 24 pack of assorted chips. There were 2 bags of Doritos that a tear in the bag which made the Doritos stale so we ended up with 22 bags of chips instead of the 24 I wouldn't of minded it so much but my grandchildren were here on vacation and they took these goodies to the beach each day with a drink when they went to eat there chips they spit them out as they were stale so 2 kids out of 4 ended up with no goodies this day. Were they ever upset which ended up making grandma up set with Frito-Lay.

Most repetitive and ding-dong letter
Let me tell you, there is no way these pretzels were fresh, and I can't imagine what they would taste like in October. They are STALE-STALE-STALE. Quite a disappointment! Does Walgreens get inferior packages? Very disappointed. By the way, why can't you be contacted on the net? All companies have a website.

I hate driving complaints...at least she didn't call and cuss someone out.
While driving to work today at approximately 7:45 am one of your drivers was driving very wreck less, cutting in and out of traffic at speeds, which far exceeded the speed limit on Highway US 1 in Cocoa, Florida. Highway US 1 in heavily traveled during this time as drivers are commuting to Kennedy Space Center. The driver went north pass the 528 on ramp. I would appreciate it if you would consider the seriousness of this complaint and let your personnel know human lives are far more important than delivery of snacks. Thanks so much.

Best demonstration of where not to put the apostrophe
Dear: Frito Lay I received your letter on 8-17-07 and thank you 4 the 2 coupon's, I always will be you'r big fan of Doritos chip's and good luck with all the comments from the consumer Just keep it up, and I hope we keep in touch. You'r consumer: Mr. Molina