Back to the phones

Yes, it's back to Frito for me. Week 1 was long. It was great to see everyone again, but there's only one other college girl there now and she's only working two days a week. Hopefully it'll start going by faster. Here's a little taste of the phone lines and mailboxes.

Best names
Keni (like Kenny)
Joe An
Ta'keria
Christella
Windsor (that was a guy, don't worry)

Best town name
Fuquay Varina, NC--who named that?

Weakest prank attempts
A teenage boy: "I like popcorn."
A group of teenage boys: "Are there more sharks or humans in the world?"
The Teen Girl Squad: "I have a swarm of locusts in my Doritos bag!"
Do you notice a trend here?

Worst foreign matter
A foul-smelling, liquidy substance that the consumer said was vomit. One of my coworkers was also unfortunate enough to OPEN an envelope with vomit INSIDE. People are so gross.

Biggest overstatement
It really bugs when people pass around the phone, as in this example. I talked to a guy who was upset that something wasn't kosher, while his girlfriend was yelling in the background. Then she got on the phone and said, "I don't know why you don't just make all your products kosher. You're losing a lot of business. I spend hundreds of dollars a month on your products and that's just me--there's also my family and friends. There are thousands of us in this town!" I'm sure there are thousands in Syracuse, but I'd bet they don't all feel that strongly about the matter...or spend hundreds of dollars a month on chips.

Worst chip put-down
"They're just not satisfying as food! They're no fun to eat!"

Most uptight caller
The guy who was mad that his bag was marked $2.99 and the store charged him $3.00. He hung up on me.

Best mispronunciation
I got the usual Salsa con Queso crowd, but one lady thought Tangy Tomato Ranch was "tan-gee" with a j sound.

Best call from BYU
It was my only call from BYU, but if it wasn't, it would still win. A guy answered and said, "Hey, Summer, I'm here with my buddy eating some Lay's Stax and we just wanted to tell you how much better they are than Pringles. They're so much more substantial, you know? I just get so much more joy from Stax than from Pringles!" When I asked him where he was calling from and he said Provo, I almost cracked up.

Best voice
The guy who sounded like a DJ and kept saying, "Yes ma'am, whatever you need." He was interesting.

Longest call ever
I was on the phone with this guy for 45 minutes. Seriously. I know because he remarked after we had been talking for about 4 minutes that it was 9:23 and we hung up at 10:04. 45 minutes. He talked about his dad's WWII days, his service in the US Coast Guard, Navy, and Royal Canadian Air Force, the Alamo, Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders, good parenting, Dr. Doolittle, his suggestions for new products and flavors, pay raises, why I should ask for a 30% raise, company executives who do nothing, Memorial Day, the Moulin Rouge, Sunchips, good parenting, Québec, good-looking women, marriage, avoiding Chinese products because they're all poisoned, his appreciation for me and a great company like Frito, departed spirits and guardian angels, the importance of supporting the economy, Texas pride, the history of the flag, the meaning of "French onion," and the "navy" coffee he makes that his wife loves. After he mentioned he was on the Oregon coast, I wondered where...until the end of the conversation when he said Coos Bay. It made me really happy. And his name is Joseph Joseph.

Letters
Hey my name is Cesar Valle I'm writing to let you all know about my favorite snack Cheetos. I always eat cheetos if there's ever something that my mom makes I don't like I just grab a bag of cheetos and start eating. If there would never be any cheetos I would be really hungry all the time because they always fill me up when im hungry.
I've heard of the cheetos crackers but I have never tried them. They look good on the commercials like there's no way it could be a cracker but they look good. I really want to try some but there hasn't been any in any in the stores.
I like eating the cheetos all the time whenever I buy a small thirty cent bag I finish them like nothing. Luckily they made the one dollar bags those are good there always what I need when im hungry. So thanks for making the one dollar bag it's much better.
Well if u guys ever get the cheetos crackers can u guys please contact me so I can buy some. Ill never stop buying cheetos and Frito lay products there the best.

Can you tell the next two were the result of the same school assignment? It's always fun to compare when that happens.

To Whom It May Concern:
I am writing to inform you of my thoughts about your product Spicy Sweet Chili Doritos. These are the best Doritos I've ever tasted. I like this so much I'm writing this letter. I also like the colors the bag had. I can't wait for your next new bag of Doritos. Thank you for your time.

To Whom It May Concern:
I am writing to inform you of my thoughts about your product Spicy Sweet Chili Doritos. What I think of your product is that it tastes delicious. When I saw the package of the Spicy Sweet Chili Doritos it got my attention quick! Thank you for your time.

Dear Flame' in Hot Cheetos:
I am from Brook Park and in the 5th grade. My name is Darrell and I love you Hot Cheetos. In addition, I think that the cheetah is the coolest thing I have seen. I also think that your cheetos are the most popular creativity idea. Brook Park's 5th grades are doing a pinewood derby. In addition, I would love your permission to use your logo on my pinewood derby car. If you would like to send posters, stickers, and any other form of advertisement I would be glad to display the day of the contest. Thank you in advance for your time and support.

Dear Sir
I purchased 3 boxes of your assorted Lays Stax potato chips and was very disappointed when I opened boxes and found the chips all broken up into pieces. Taste of chips satisfying but not happy the condition they were in. Container seems very flexible so damage could be in handling along the way. Love your products and feel this should be brought to someones attention. Thank you for taking time to read this. Hope to hear from you.

Most long-winded, caps-loving correspondant
My name is Sue Vass I am a married mother of four. I have been purchasing Frito Lay products for many years. One of our family favorites has been your nacho cheese Doritos. However I sopped purchasing them two years ago when my husband was diagnosed with Celiac Sprue. Incase you aren't familiar with Celiac, it means he can't have any wheat, oats, malt, rye or barley (everything has to be GLUTEN FREE) in his everyday diet. Your nacho cheese Doritos contain wheat, not only is this a problem for people who have Celiac but it is also a problem for anyone who is just allergic to wheat in general.
I am writing to you because last year you came out with Wild White Nachos and they were WONDERFUL they reminded us of your nacho cheese Doritos but so much better. My family and friends voted everyday to try to keep Wild White Nacho the winner of the contest you were having buy unfortunately the other flavor won. I am asking you to please consider bringing back Wild White Nachos not only for people who have Celiac Sprue but for the millions of people who are allergic to wheat and miss having nacho cheese Doritos.
I know you have other Doritos that don't contain wheat like Spicy Nacho and some other flavors but THEY ARE NOT THE SAME. Especially when you have been eating nacho cheese flavor for 20 something years and all of a sudden you can't have been anymore.
I know alot of companies don't like to label their products "Gluten Free" but you could put on the front of your bags Wheat Free, believe me I am a label reader since my husband was diagnosed and if I see a product that states something on the front like Wheat Free it gets my attention and then I turn the item over to read what else is in the product.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE consider bringing back the Wild White Nacho Doritos. If I knew they were only going to be out for a limited time I would have bought several cases of them. Thank you for listening.

Most casual, unenthusiastic compliment (it was hastily handwritten)
Miss Vickie,
Someone in my office offered me some of your Jalapeno Kettle Cooked potatoe chips. I didn't think I would like them because I don't usually like Jalapeno. I went out for lunch and picked up a bag and really enjoyed them. Just wanted you to know they are really good.

Biggest fan of cheeze
Dear Sir or Madem:
I love your Nacho Cheeze Doritos chips their the best in the country. They really taste like Nacho Cheeze. We always run out at home thats how much I like them. I like to put nacho cheeze on it to make it taste extra cheezey. I think you have great ideas for flavors like coolranch and guacamole.

The "Is this for real?" award
To whom it may concern
Dear Frito Lay company
First please let me say that my hole family & I have ben
loyal life long consumers of your wonderful variety of Frito Lay products. Im writing to inform you that recently
I
purchased your flaver 1oz 24 pack. I purchased it at top
food on canyon road on the 22nd of April.
Upon opening, I was suprized to learn that there wher
three bags of Doritos nacho cheese three bags of doritos
cool ranch three bags of Lays barbecue three bags of
Lays sour cream & onion and nine 1oz bags of cheeto crunchy for A total of only 21 bags. Please be ashured
that the 21 bags instead of the 24 that is advertised on
the bag and the ninebags of cheetos will in no way
discurage us from being loyal consumers of Frito Lay.
We are sur this was nathing more than A hicup.
Still we thought that you at Frito Lay would like to know.
the numbers on the bottom of the bag below the purchase prise is (28400-04306).
Sincerely
The Mangan family

Dear Sir or madam
My name is Kevin Beecher
I am a student in the 5th grade at P.S. 3 on staten Island.
In science we have begun studying our healthy planet. We are discussing ways to reduse soild waste. Doritos is my favorite snack. I would like to know how much recycled materials you use in packing Doritos.
While you are ansering my letter can you please send me some samples so I can share with my class. there are 5 students in my class
Thank you for answering my letter.

Customer Service:
Just a short note to let you know what I think of your new product Cracker Crisps.
1. They are not at all like the Lays chips.
2. All the ingredients are nothing more than all preservation.
3. They taste real affull.
4. I spent $5 for two bags and I tossed one whole bag in the garbage.
Take Lays name off this product. Please don't ruin Lays with this crap. They are not healthy!!!!!