Week 6

Good news today--I got a retroactive raise! What can I say...my managers love me. It was definitely Friday the 13th...most of this week's post comes from today.

Best names
women
Jenah
Tojuan
Diaquiri
Shielda Shank
Phil Free (not to be confused with "feel free")
men
Creed
Lorenzo

Best places
Gilbert, AZ...home sweet home!
Nogal, NM

Best foreign matter
3' plastic string
machine part
cotton fibers

Best Quest flavor guesses
vanilla and banana......interesting considering the flavor is Mountain Dew and most people guess lemon-lime or Fruit Loops

Worst prank
"I just found a human toe in my bag." That's not funny.

Strangest request
Foldover chips. Sold separately. Most people would not like getting too many foldovers, but this gal thinks they can't be beat.

Most grateful coupon recipient
When I offered her a coupon to replace a bad bag, which is standard procedure of course, this sweet lady was thrilled through the roof. She said, "Make sure you dust off your wings today!" and before we hung up told me to stay safe or something. Not something you normally hear from a stranger.

Grumpiest coupon recipient
One of those old New Jersey grouches (there seem to be many of them) called for coupons and bit my head off when I read her address back to her as "golf ave east" instead of "east golf ave" because my computer switched them as it is apt to do. "Don't you think I know where I live?" If you want your coupons, simmer down.

Emptiest threat
The lady from the sticks of Tennessee who would not take a coupon, but insisted on getting her money back. I told her to issue a check I'd need her social. She freaked out, told me that was illegal, I was behind the times, what was I thinking, she was going to take this to her lawyer, report me to the food police. I tried to be polite and kept offering her the two options. She wouldn't take either and finally hung up on me. I was about to hang up on her, so it was just as well. It didn't make me mad, just made me laugh. What did she think she was going to do about it?

Funniest things overhead from my neighbor Karen's conversations
"What do you mean, there's no way to spell your name?"
"And what's your real name, Jake? 3 minutes ago it was Kyle."

Most exact consumer
When I asked him about what percentage of his sunflower seeds were burned, he said "43%".

Best compliment on behalf of someone else
Remember the cat lady from this post? Probably not, but Logan and I do. :) I got another one who said her cat just loves Fritos and will jump on the table and eat the whole bag if she's not careful.

Best reasons to call
-to report a stale bag of Salsa Doritos, a flavor that was discontinued in April 2007
-to ask if it's Friday the 13th (that guy was pretty unintelligible...I think he was high)
-to ask where I was calling from...well, you're the one calling, but I'm in Plano, TX. He wanted to see if we were overseas or not. Could've just looked on the bag for that one.
-to ask for a Cheetos UPC. Sorry, I'm not a UPC encyclopedia. That's what the internet's for. Or you could just look on a bag of Cheetos.
-to ask for a list of recycling centers in her area that will take mixed plastics #7 (what our bags are made of) because the one in her town doesn't. Again, I'm not an encyclopedia. She was upset, said it was the company's responsibility to provide that info. Let me check...um, it's not.
-to ask if I've tried our new Lay's Cracker Crisps and are they good? I haven't tried them, but you should!
-this is my favorite: to ask if we build bombs for Bin Laden. I was afraid he actually thought that and was going to start ranting and raving like a madman, but he was very nice and wanted to give me a laugh, which he did once I realized he was joking about the bombs. He was driving at a high altitude and temperature and the unopened Cheetos bag on the seat next to him exploded. It freaked him out but he got a laugh out of it later. I'm glad he didn't wreck his car, although he said the interior was pretty orange.

Speaking of freaking out, you may know how easy it is to scare me. One of my coworkers, Rena, wheeled a big recycling bin over to my row and asked me to open it. I thought maybe there was something nasty inside and she was trying to gross me out. So I opened it and out pops Andrew who had stuffed himself inside. I had Singin' in the Rain flashbacks and a near-heart attack and they've been teasing me ever since. Today was Andrew's last day, so I don't have to worry about him, but I'll think twice before doing anything Rena suggests.

Letters

Most willing to bless the representative of the company who cheated her out of half a bag of chips that she shouldn't have gotten anway
Dear Munchos Potato Crisps
I got a bag of your chips and I only got a 1/2 of bag I paid $3.49 for a big bag I just love this chips Is there any way you can send me a coupon for a other Bag of chips
Some times I pay $3.99 for a bag of chips
Please see what you can do for me Thank you!
May God Bless you and keep you always
Have a Nice Day!!!
Thank you again

Best word choice
Dear Frito-Lay,
Frito-Lay you are the superlative company to make Doritos. I can tell because I have taste all of your designs. Especially the best you did the partially and partially. Those let you taste more then one essence. Know I am inspired to make my own chips. But this is not all I want to know if I can get some chips for free. Don't take this personal but when my teacher was young they loved candy and wrote to these people to and got some free. So if I don't get some it will really disappoint me. After that all your new ones you are making let me test it out and give you a rate. This is really helping out our 5th grade class.
Sincerely,
Vincent
Oh, Vincent, you are so cryptic and funny. Who else refers to Doritos collisions as "the partially and partially"?

Most cryptic (didn't help that it was almost impossible to read)
I am complaining. Am 76 yrs old. Have eaten Frito Lay "Original" Potatoe Chips for many years. You know, the ones when your hand comes out of the bag there is oil on them. You know, the good "Original" ones. Your big yellow bag marked original is sure a fake. If I "wanted" chips like those I would buy them in the round can. Oh, I know. Oil, grease and all that deadly stuff. I would rather die with oily hands and the "Original" Lay taste than die with the taste of those "Original" baked crap. I am just one but I no longer buy Frito Lay Chips. Your kettle chips are ok buy for the dirty trick you have played on me in my later years. I will no longer contribute to your welfare. Disgustingly, I am
Charles Harden
You can be mine, Charles, but please not disgustingly. Again, seems like people have trouble reading the bag.

My favorite piece of mail this week
Cheez-its and Snyder's pretzels bags...39 of them! With a request for coupons to get more. We can send you coupons, but not for those.