Week 5

Not much material this week...sorry Natalie. :)

Best names
women
Yuvonne
Elmarie
Fantasy Bliss

men
Jiansranco
Ernest

last names
Shadow
Heck

Best cities
Hercules, CA
Summerville, GA
Wall, NJ
Gilbert, AZ
Rolla, MO
Nauvoo, IL

...and in the Worst Pronunciation category:
Grand Blanc, MI (grand blank)
Chateaugay, NY (I was shocked when the spelling popped up...I was expecing something more phonetic, like Shadigay)

Best street name
I just got one from Calculus Dr in Dallas. I thought of you, Natalie. :)

Best foreign matter
Band-aid (unused, don't worry)
in the consumer's words:
"beer bottle piece" and
"faux almond"

Best misnomer
There was the usual "tostadas" and "kwee-so" for queso, but my favorite was "Santinos" instead of Santitas.

Best prank
Lots of pranks this week--is school getting out or what? But my favorite was the guy who said he found a Frito shaped like Jesus and asked if he should keep it. I said knock yourself out.

Dumbest prank
The guy (another adult...hmm) who called the Miss Vickie's line and asked if Miss Vickie was there. Next call I answered--same guy, same question. I wonder how many times he tried before he gave up.

Yogi Berra quote of week
"There are other brands of Sunchips but you're the only ones with cinnamon. Everyone else has the other flavors." Um really?

More consumer memorables
"I bought these Lay's, they're the Ruffles..."

"Why do you put all these junk chemicals in your chips? All these junk chemicals are slowing down metabolism."

About Wavy Lay's: "Do you smoosh them before you cut them?" What?

I also got asked--again--for the number to Sam's. Why on earth would we have that? And I was amazed to get a compliment call and two stale calls for Doritos Quest, after scores of calls from people who hate them.

Most talkative
The lady from Wisconsin with a strong accent who went on and on about everything from the neighbor boys who mow her lawn to the different kinds of cheese in her fridge to why nitrates cause cancer and therefore she eats no ham, hot dogs, bratwurst or lunch meat. Makes perfect sense. The real reason she called was because she bought another brand of salsa in mistake for Tostitos and wanted us to change the packaging to make it look different. Can't she just write down the name? She was sweet though.

Crazy of the week
"Betty from Georgia" called and asked where the name Frito-Lay comes from. So I told her that a long, long time ago (1932 to be precise), in a galaxy far, far away, there was a guy named Doolin who started making corn chips by night and selling them by day from his Model T Ford and a guy named Lay who started selling potato chips from his Model A Ford. (Sensing a pattern here?) In 1961 the companies merged to create a happy family called Frito-Lay. I didn't go into that much detail. I was wondering what she really wanted, but that seemed to make her happy, and she said those Frito products were really making her happy down in Georgia...but she was calling from an Ohio area code. She blessed me and told me she'd keep me in her prayers. I'm touched, Betty, but why did you think I needed them?

Too-much-time-on-your-hands award
This could go to a lot of people, but this week's runner-up is the tweenager who called to report a mistake on the bag--"flavor tortilla chips" instead of "flavored tortilla chips." The winner is the lady who called for no reason. In a broad sense, that could apply to many people who call, but seriously, she had nothing to say. She said, "Well, the back of the bag says to call, so I thought I would." Um okay, thanks for calling. What do I code that to?

Most worthless mail
The empty twin envelopes I got from buddies in Wisconsin addressed to Doritos and Baked Ruffles. They wrote things on the envelope like "interesting--I've never eaten shrapnel before!" and "new flavor sensation coming our way: Doritos vomit-filled creamy nuggets!" Is that supposed to be funny? Recycle bin.

Most quotation-mark-happy letter
This person felt the need to put such words and phrases as "stale," "flat," "bar code," "saved," "named," "clump," "Dollar General," and "guaranteed fresh until printed date" in quotes. Funny.

Best beginning to a donation request
"Drug abuse, law breaking and lives spiraling out of control: children are finding themselves living in broken homes with grandparents, other family members, or foster homes. Village Baptist is there, to stand in the gap, proclaiming God's word and Christ's love." Wow, sign me up! I also got a donation letter from a church called Kingdom Builders Family Worship Center. Wow, that's a mouthful. Why can't they call it a church?

Meanest letter (excerpts)
Tuesday morning my wife made a courtesy call to your consumer line to let them know that there was something different with the chips. The person of the female gender with delusions of omniscience my wife talked to proceeded to inform her that it was not a problem with the chips, it was what we were eating them with. She went on, expounding her ignorance, that if we were getting an upset stomach from it, we were just gluten intolerant from the flour. Making a diagnosis of gluten intolerance can only be made by trained and board certified medical practitioners. While I may not be able to eat meat with impunity, I have no problems with breads, cereals, or lactose products. The arrogance of the person on the other end of the phone made us extremely unlikely to purchase Frito-Lay products until the next blue moon, if then. For the record, it wasn't me, but this made me mad, especially the words he used that I can't repeat. I almost didn't answer it. Shocking, I know.

Most concise letter
Dear Sir,
Was not satisfied with chips. Did not taste fresh.

And the polar opposite...
Longest letter to say there were seasoning clumps in my bag
Yesterday, at a memorial day get together, the kids opened a bag of Doritos. They started eating them right from the bag like everyone does. Next thing I know we hear them yelling yuck, ick, nasty as they were spitting out the food in their mouths. So we all immediately ran over to them to see that was going on.
Seems the reason they were spitting out the mouthful of Doritos they were eating was due to something additional found in the bag along with the Doritos chips themselves. Two fo the kids had eaten a thick hard piece of what appears to the seasoning used to coat the chips.
The reason I can safely say this is because we found additional pieces of what they spit out in this particular bag. Each piece are large, about 1 1/4 inch long/ 1/4 inch depth. These orange/reddish color clumps are the exact same color of the Doritos chips. They will break apart with pressure, but are strong enough to withstand your processing prodecures, shipping, display on the store self not to mention our handling on purchasing the bag, taking it home then bringing it to a memorial weekend cookout.
Nothing else was eaten before or during this occurrence due to the kids were eating the Doritos as a snack while we were setting up the area for a cook out. Something everyone does, snack.
I do now believe all these pieces are a foreign outside object, food substance. Just unbelieveable bad quality control. Each of the 8 pieces found in the bag were of the exact consistency, size clumps. They should of never passed the plant processing operations to reach the consumer. We should of never had to consume the terrible strong lasting taste. It was so strong of a taste that they said they still tasted it the next day, even though we gave them fluids and they tried to eat/taste the cook out food. Not to mention also brushing their teeth.
I still have the Doritos bag along with two good size pieces of what I call "clumps of seasoning." They may be something else but this is what I am calling them, due to the color, taste, how they break up/crumble with pressure. I may be wrong though, that is why I saved some samples and the bags.
I thought of taking the bag back to the supermarket, where I puchased the couple of bags from. But that many pieces in one bag leads me to believe this is a real concern over Frito Lays quality control. So that is why I am taking the time out to write this complaint letter. I am that very disappointed.
If you give me a e-mail address, I will gladly take a picture of the foreign clump products found in the bag then e-mail it to you for viewing. Or we can try make arrangement for an employee can pick them up themselves. I am willing to go the extra step since I strongly feel this is an un excusable product quality control for me, any consumer.
Awaiting a reply
I know what they are, don't need an essay.