Good job, Molly!
June 21, 2008
the Jones' open house
...was a week ago but I promised Molly I would post these pictures--the only ones I got because I was having too much fun talking and eating the yummy food.
Good job, Molly!
Good job, Molly!
June 20, 2008
Week 7
Best names
Millie
Annjeanette
Selisha
Shekira (she-KI-ruh)
LaSonia
Tawanda
Oresha
Rana (like Renee)
Deandrea
Vonda
Portia
Shatibah
Maxene
Keldrick
Elizabeth Manning
and a name from one of Mr. Lane's CD order forms: Graham Almond
last names
Zink
Crabb
Serene
Drouillard (a great French name--incidentally, one of the members of the Lewis & Clark expedition that I'm reading about right now)
Best towns
Carl's Corner, TX
and good old Pflugerville, TX
Best street name
Do Drop In Ln (Dewdrop Inn? Huh?)
Best foreign matter
I think I got a straight line to it this week--ugh. But the winner is:
a bullet! I asked her if she was sure it was a bullet and she said, "It's a .30 caliber" like "I know my guns--don't mess."
Best Quest guess (wow say that five times fast)
margarita
Best reasons to call
-to ask how to get back your sister's medicine that she dropped in the dumpster behind our plant
-to ask if you're going to die because you "accidentally ate all the salt in the bottom of the bag."
-to freak me out by starting with, "I'd like you to record this message."
-to assure me that whatever is wrong with your chips is "a small matter, but it's important."
-to sing, "How the winds are laughing, they laugh with all their might..."
-to present an original jingle for our new product, Lay's Cracker Crisps, that goes something like this:
Cracker crisps
Cracker crisps
Tastes like a cracker...but crisps
-because one of your customers at your store is looking for a certain flavor of chips--not to request it for him, but to make sure our phone number works.
-to ask if we still make something that's been discontinued and suggest that we "just give some to Steven Colbert--he'll sell them."
-to tell me your chips are skinnier than an anorexic girl
-to say you appreciate my niceness
-to suggest, not more seasoning, but an extra seasoning packet inside bags of Flamin' Hot Cheetos to be added if desired. Yuck.
-to ask if we can put more meat on the nachos that AMC movie theaters serve. I kept telling him we have nothing to do with how they serve their nachos but he didn't seem to believe me--they use Tostitos, so we must be really involved. (I don't even know if that's true.) Logan just said, "Oh, I didn't know PepsiCo owned AMC. But you never know--after all, PepsiCo is a HUGE corporation."
More funnies
When I asked if there was anything else I could help with: "I thought I was helping you!"
When I answered the phone: Who are you calling, honey?
me: Actually, you called me. This is Frito-Lay.
her: I didn't call you.
I also had someone call me "sir."
Funniest things overhead from my neighbor Karen's conversations
"You're not 16."
"A minute ago you said it was a cockroach."
"I don't have a 5-gallon bucket."
Dr. Kroger case of the week
Robert. He started by saying something about Coca-Cola's water being contaminated, then that FL stock was so great to invest in. Then he said, "Can I talk to the chairman of the board? I guess I'm talking to her." I guess I've been promoted.
me: Is there anything else I can help you with?
him: Can I get your measurements?
me: Not today. What city and state are you calling from, please?
him: Trenton, NJ, the capital of the world.
I later had three other people tell me he called back and asked to talk to me/asked when he could come see us/send me a sweater for my birthday. He's in a mental institution.
Letters
Dear Frito-Lay,
Hi, our names are Lindey and Qingyu. We are fifth grade students and are doing an essay on plactic packaging. We have a few questions to ask you. We were wondering when you became environmentally conscious? Do you think you will keep it up? Also, why is there so much extra plastic when it just covers up air? It seems like the bags are much bigger than they need to be to hold the amount of chips inside. Another question is do you think you are going to do more than you already have to help the environment, and do you think you will advertise more about being environmentally friendly? Thanks you for considering out question and for being environmentally conscious. Please write back.
This envelope had jibberish writing all over it...
...and only this inside.
I love it when they write "Dear Grandma" or "Dear Miss Vickie." This guy was sweet, and a little highlighter happy.
And he likes beagles.Happy anniversary, Wendy and Jon!
June 13, 2008
Week 6
Good news today--I got a retroactive raise! What can I say...my managers love me. It was definitely Friday the 13th...most of this week's post comes from today.
Best names
women
Jenah
Tojuan
Diaquiri
Shielda Shank
Phil Free (not to be confused with "feel free")
men
Creed
Lorenzo
Best places
Gilbert, AZ...home sweet home!
Nogal, NM
Best foreign matter
3' plastic string
machine part
cotton fibers
Best Quest flavor guesses
vanilla and banana......interesting considering the flavor is Mountain Dew and most people guess lemon-lime or Fruit Loops
Worst prank
"I just found a human toe in my bag." That's not funny.
Strangest request
Foldover chips. Sold separately. Most people would not like getting too many foldovers, but this gal thinks they can't be beat.
Most grateful coupon recipient
When I offered her a coupon to replace a bad bag, which is standard procedure of course, this sweet lady was thrilled through the roof. She said, "Make sure you dust off your wings today!" and before we hung up told me to stay safe or something. Not something you normally hear from a stranger.
Grumpiest coupon recipient
One of those old New Jersey grouches (there seem to be many of them) called for coupons and bit my head off when I read her address back to her as "golf ave east" instead of "east golf ave" because my computer switched them as it is apt to do. "Don't you think I know where I live?" If you want your coupons, simmer down.
Emptiest threat
The lady from the sticks of Tennessee who would not take a coupon, but insisted on getting her money back. I told her to issue a check I'd need her social. She freaked out, told me that was illegal, I was behind the times, what was I thinking, she was going to take this to her lawyer, report me to the food police. I tried to be polite and kept offering her the two options. She wouldn't take either and finally hung up on me. I was about to hang up on her, so it was just as well. It didn't make me mad, just made me laugh. What did she think she was going to do about it?
Funniest things overhead from my neighbor Karen's conversations
"What do you mean, there's no way to spell your name?"
"And what's your real name, Jake? 3 minutes ago it was Kyle."
Most exact consumer
When I asked him about what percentage of his sunflower seeds were burned, he said "43%".
Best compliment on behalf of someone else
Remember the cat lady from this post? Probably not, but Logan and I do. :) I got another one who said her cat just loves Fritos and will jump on the table and eat the whole bag if she's not careful.
Best reasons to call
-to report a stale bag of Salsa Doritos, a flavor that was discontinued in April 2007
-to ask if it's Friday the 13th (that guy was pretty unintelligible...I think he was high)
-to ask where I was calling from...well, you're the one calling, but I'm in Plano, TX. He wanted to see if we were overseas or not. Could've just looked on the bag for that one.
-to ask for a Cheetos UPC. Sorry, I'm not a UPC encyclopedia. That's what the internet's for. Or you could just look on a bag of Cheetos.
-to ask for a list of recycling centers in her area that will take mixed plastics #7 (what our bags are made of) because the one in her town doesn't. Again, I'm not an encyclopedia. She was upset, said it was the company's responsibility to provide that info. Let me check...um, it's not.
-to ask if I've tried our new Lay's Cracker Crisps and are they good? I haven't tried them, but you should!
-this is my favorite: to ask if we build bombs for Bin Laden. I was afraid he actually thought that and was going to start ranting and raving like a madman, but he was very nice and wanted to give me a laugh, which he did once I realized he was joking about the bombs. He was driving at a high altitude and temperature and the unopened Cheetos bag on the seat next to him exploded. It freaked him out but he got a laugh out of it later. I'm glad he didn't wreck his car, although he said the interior was pretty orange.
Speaking of freaking out, you may know how easy it is to scare me. One of my coworkers, Rena, wheeled a big recycling bin over to my row and asked me to open it. I thought maybe there was something nasty inside and she was trying to gross me out. So I opened it and out pops Andrew who had stuffed himself inside. I had Singin' in the Rain flashbacks and a near-heart attack and they've been teasing me ever since. Today was Andrew's last day, so I don't have to worry about him, but I'll think twice before doing anything Rena suggests.
Letters
Most willing to bless the representative of the company who cheated her out of half a bag of chips that she shouldn't have gotten anway
Dear Munchos Potato Crisps
I got a bag of your chips and I only got a 1/2 of bag I paid $3.49 for a big bag I just love this chips Is there any way you can send me a coupon for a other Bag of chips
Some times I pay $3.99 for a bag of chips
Please see what you can do for me Thank you!
May God Bless you and keep you always
Have a Nice Day!!!
Thank you again
Best word choice
Dear Frito-Lay,
Frito-Lay you are the superlative company to make Doritos. I can tell because I have taste all of your designs. Especially the best you did the partially and partially. Those let you taste more then one essence. Know I am inspired to make my own chips. But this is not all I want to know if I can get some chips for free. Don't take this personal but when my teacher was young they loved candy and wrote to these people to and got some free. So if I don't get some it will really disappoint me. After that all your new ones you are making let me test it out and give you a rate. This is really helping out our 5th grade class.
Sincerely,
Vincent
Oh, Vincent, you are so cryptic and funny. Who else refers to Doritos collisions as "the partially and partially"?
Most cryptic (didn't help that it was almost impossible to read)
I am complaining. Am 76 yrs old. Have eaten Frito Lay "Original" Potatoe Chips for many years. You know, the ones when your hand comes out of the bag there is oil on them. You know, the good "Original" ones. Your big yellow bag marked original is sure a fake. If I "wanted" chips like those I would buy them in the round can. Oh, I know. Oil, grease and all that deadly stuff. I would rather die with oily hands and the "Original" Lay taste than die with the taste of those "Original" baked crap. I am just one but I no longer buy Frito Lay Chips. Your kettle chips are ok buy for the dirty trick you have played on me in my later years. I will no longer contribute to your welfare. Disgustingly, I am
Charles Harden
You can be mine, Charles, but please not disgustingly. Again, seems like people have trouble reading the bag.
My favorite piece of mail this week
Cheez-its and Snyder's pretzels bags...39 of them! With a request for coupons to get more. We can send you coupons, but not for those.
Best names
women
Jenah
Tojuan
Diaquiri
Shielda Shank
Phil Free (not to be confused with "feel free")
men
Creed
Lorenzo
Best places
Gilbert, AZ...home sweet home!
Nogal, NM
Best foreign matter
3' plastic string
machine part
cotton fibers
Best Quest flavor guesses
vanilla and banana......interesting considering the flavor is Mountain Dew and most people guess lemon-lime or Fruit Loops
Worst prank
"I just found a human toe in my bag." That's not funny.
Strangest request
Foldover chips. Sold separately. Most people would not like getting too many foldovers, but this gal thinks they can't be beat.
Most grateful coupon recipient
When I offered her a coupon to replace a bad bag, which is standard procedure of course, this sweet lady was thrilled through the roof. She said, "Make sure you dust off your wings today!" and before we hung up told me to stay safe or something. Not something you normally hear from a stranger.
Grumpiest coupon recipient
One of those old New Jersey grouches (there seem to be many of them) called for coupons and bit my head off when I read her address back to her as "golf ave east" instead of "east golf ave" because my computer switched them as it is apt to do. "Don't you think I know where I live?" If you want your coupons, simmer down.
Emptiest threat
The lady from the sticks of Tennessee who would not take a coupon, but insisted on getting her money back. I told her to issue a check I'd need her social. She freaked out, told me that was illegal, I was behind the times, what was I thinking, she was going to take this to her lawyer, report me to the food police. I tried to be polite and kept offering her the two options. She wouldn't take either and finally hung up on me. I was about to hang up on her, so it was just as well. It didn't make me mad, just made me laugh. What did she think she was going to do about it?
Funniest things overhead from my neighbor Karen's conversations
"What do you mean, there's no way to spell your name?"
"And what's your real name, Jake? 3 minutes ago it was Kyle."
Most exact consumer
When I asked him about what percentage of his sunflower seeds were burned, he said "43%".
Best compliment on behalf of someone else
Remember the cat lady from this post? Probably not, but Logan and I do. :) I got another one who said her cat just loves Fritos and will jump on the table and eat the whole bag if she's not careful.
Best reasons to call
-to report a stale bag of Salsa Doritos, a flavor that was discontinued in April 2007
-to ask if it's Friday the 13th (that guy was pretty unintelligible...I think he was high)
-to ask where I was calling from...well, you're the one calling, but I'm in Plano, TX. He wanted to see if we were overseas or not. Could've just looked on the bag for that one.
-to ask for a Cheetos UPC. Sorry, I'm not a UPC encyclopedia. That's what the internet's for. Or you could just look on a bag of Cheetos.
-to ask for a list of recycling centers in her area that will take mixed plastics #7 (what our bags are made of) because the one in her town doesn't. Again, I'm not an encyclopedia. She was upset, said it was the company's responsibility to provide that info. Let me check...um, it's not.
-to ask if I've tried our new Lay's Cracker Crisps and are they good? I haven't tried them, but you should!
-this is my favorite: to ask if we build bombs for Bin Laden. I was afraid he actually thought that and was going to start ranting and raving like a madman, but he was very nice and wanted to give me a laugh, which he did once I realized he was joking about the bombs. He was driving at a high altitude and temperature and the unopened Cheetos bag on the seat next to him exploded. It freaked him out but he got a laugh out of it later. I'm glad he didn't wreck his car, although he said the interior was pretty orange.
Speaking of freaking out, you may know how easy it is to scare me. One of my coworkers, Rena, wheeled a big recycling bin over to my row and asked me to open it. I thought maybe there was something nasty inside and she was trying to gross me out. So I opened it and out pops Andrew who had stuffed himself inside. I had Singin' in the Rain flashbacks and a near-heart attack and they've been teasing me ever since. Today was Andrew's last day, so I don't have to worry about him, but I'll think twice before doing anything Rena suggests.
Letters
Most willing to bless the representative of the company who cheated her out of half a bag of chips that she shouldn't have gotten anway
Dear Munchos Potato Crisps
I got a bag of your chips and I only got a 1/2 of bag I paid $3.49 for a big bag I just love this chips Is there any way you can send me a coupon for a other Bag of chips
Some times I pay $3.99 for a bag of chips
Please see what you can do for me Thank you!
May God Bless you and keep you always
Have a Nice Day!!!
Thank you again
Best word choice
Dear Frito-Lay,
Frito-Lay you are the superlative company to make Doritos. I can tell because I have taste all of your designs. Especially the best you did the partially and partially. Those let you taste more then one essence. Know I am inspired to make my own chips. But this is not all I want to know if I can get some chips for free. Don't take this personal but when my teacher was young they loved candy and wrote to these people to and got some free. So if I don't get some it will really disappoint me. After that all your new ones you are making let me test it out and give you a rate. This is really helping out our 5th grade class.
Sincerely,
Vincent
Oh, Vincent, you are so cryptic and funny. Who else refers to Doritos collisions as "the partially and partially"?
Most cryptic (didn't help that it was almost impossible to read)
I am complaining. Am 76 yrs old. Have eaten Frito Lay "Original" Potatoe Chips for many years. You know, the ones when your hand comes out of the bag there is oil on them. You know, the good "Original" ones. Your big yellow bag marked original is sure a fake. If I "wanted" chips like those I would buy them in the round can. Oh, I know. Oil, grease and all that deadly stuff. I would rather die with oily hands and the "Original" Lay taste than die with the taste of those "Original" baked crap. I am just one but I no longer buy Frito Lay Chips. Your kettle chips are ok buy for the dirty trick you have played on me in my later years. I will no longer contribute to your welfare. Disgustingly, I am
Charles Harden
You can be mine, Charles, but please not disgustingly. Again, seems like people have trouble reading the bag.
My favorite piece of mail this week
Cheez-its and Snyder's pretzels bags...39 of them! With a request for coupons to get more. We can send you coupons, but not for those.
June 6, 2008
Week 5
Not much material this week...sorry Natalie. :)
Best names
women
Yuvonne
Elmarie
Fantasy Bliss
men
Jiansranco
Ernest
last names
Shadow
Heck
Best cities
Hercules, CA
Summerville, GA
Wall, NJ
Gilbert, AZ
Rolla, MO
Nauvoo, IL
...and in the Worst Pronunciation category:
Grand Blanc, MI (grand blank)
Chateaugay, NY (I was shocked when the spelling popped up...I was expecing something more phonetic, like Shadigay)
Best street name
I just got one from Calculus Dr in Dallas. I thought of you, Natalie. :)
Best foreign matter
Band-aid (unused, don't worry)
in the consumer's words:
"beer bottle piece" and
"faux almond"
Best misnomer
There was the usual "tostadas" and "kwee-so" for queso, but my favorite was "Santinos" instead of Santitas.
Best prank
Lots of pranks this week--is school getting out or what? But my favorite was the guy who said he found a Frito shaped like Jesus and asked if he should keep it. I said knock yourself out.
Dumbest prank
The guy (another adult...hmm) who called the Miss Vickie's line and asked if Miss Vickie was there. Next call I answered--same guy, same question. I wonder how many times he tried before he gave up.
Yogi Berra quote of week
"There are other brands of Sunchips but you're the only ones with cinnamon. Everyone else has the other flavors." Um really?
More consumer memorables
"I bought these Lay's, they're the Ruffles..."
"Why do you put all these junk chemicals in your chips? All these junk chemicals are slowing down metabolism."
About Wavy Lay's: "Do you smoosh them before you cut them?" What?
I also got asked--again--for the number to Sam's. Why on earth would we have that? And I was amazed to get a compliment call and two stale calls for Doritos Quest, after scores of calls from people who hate them.
Most talkative
The lady from Wisconsin with a strong accent who went on and on about everything from the neighbor boys who mow her lawn to the different kinds of cheese in her fridge to why nitrates cause cancer and therefore she eats no ham, hot dogs, bratwurst or lunch meat. Makes perfect sense. The real reason she called was because she bought another brand of salsa in mistake for Tostitos and wanted us to change the packaging to make it look different. Can't she just write down the name? She was sweet though.
Crazy of the week
"Betty from Georgia" called and asked where the name Frito-Lay comes from. So I told her that a long, long time ago (1932 to be precise), in a galaxy far, far away, there was a guy named Doolin who started making corn chips by night and selling them by day from his Model T Ford and a guy named Lay who started selling potato chips from his Model A Ford. (Sensing a pattern here?) In 1961 the companies merged to create a happy family called Frito-Lay. I didn't go into that much detail. I was wondering what she really wanted, but that seemed to make her happy, and she said those Frito products were really making her happy down in Georgia...but she was calling from an Ohio area code. She blessed me and told me she'd keep me in her prayers. I'm touched, Betty, but why did you think I needed them?
Too-much-time-on-your-hands award
This could go to a lot of people, but this week's runner-up is the tweenager who called to report a mistake on the bag--"flavor tortilla chips" instead of "flavored tortilla chips." The winner is the lady who called for no reason. In a broad sense, that could apply to many people who call, but seriously, she had nothing to say. She said, "Well, the back of the bag says to call, so I thought I would." Um okay, thanks for calling. What do I code that to?
Most worthless mail
The empty twin envelopes I got from buddies in Wisconsin addressed to Doritos and Baked Ruffles. They wrote things on the envelope like "interesting--I've never eaten shrapnel before!" and "new flavor sensation coming our way: Doritos vomit-filled creamy nuggets!" Is that supposed to be funny? Recycle bin.
Most quotation-mark-happy letter
This person felt the need to put such words and phrases as "stale," "flat," "bar code," "saved," "named," "clump," "Dollar General," and "guaranteed fresh until printed date" in quotes. Funny.
Best beginning to a donation request
"Drug abuse, law breaking and lives spiraling out of control: children are finding themselves living in broken homes with grandparents, other family members, or foster homes. Village Baptist is there, to stand in the gap, proclaiming God's word and Christ's love." Wow, sign me up! I also got a donation letter from a church called Kingdom Builders Family Worship Center. Wow, that's a mouthful. Why can't they call it a church?
Meanest letter (excerpts)
Tuesday morning my wife made a courtesy call to your consumer line to let them know that there was something different with the chips. The person of the female gender with delusions of omniscience my wife talked to proceeded to inform her that it was not a problem with the chips, it was what we were eating them with. She went on, expounding her ignorance, that if we were getting an upset stomach from it, we were just gluten intolerant from the flour. Making a diagnosis of gluten intolerance can only be made by trained and board certified medical practitioners. While I may not be able to eat meat with impunity, I have no problems with breads, cereals, or lactose products. The arrogance of the person on the other end of the phone made us extremely unlikely to purchase Frito-Lay products until the next blue moon, if then. For the record, it wasn't me, but this made me mad, especially the words he used that I can't repeat. I almost didn't answer it. Shocking, I know.
Most concise letter
Dear Sir,
Was not satisfied with chips. Did not taste fresh.
And the polar opposite...
Longest letter to say there were seasoning clumps in my bag
Yesterday, at a memorial day get together, the kids opened a bag of Doritos. They started eating them right from the bag like everyone does. Next thing I know we hear them yelling yuck, ick, nasty as they were spitting out the food in their mouths. So we all immediately ran over to them to see that was going on.
Seems the reason they were spitting out the mouthful of Doritos they were eating was due to something additional found in the bag along with the Doritos chips themselves. Two fo the kids had eaten a thick hard piece of what appears to the seasoning used to coat the chips.
The reason I can safely say this is because we found additional pieces of what they spit out in this particular bag. Each piece are large, about 1 1/4 inch long/ 1/4 inch depth. These orange/reddish color clumps are the exact same color of the Doritos chips. They will break apart with pressure, but are strong enough to withstand your processing prodecures, shipping, display on the store self not to mention our handling on purchasing the bag, taking it home then bringing it to a memorial weekend cookout.
Nothing else was eaten before or during this occurrence due to the kids were eating the Doritos as a snack while we were setting up the area for a cook out. Something everyone does, snack.
I do now believe all these pieces are a foreign outside object, food substance. Just unbelieveable bad quality control. Each of the 8 pieces found in the bag were of the exact consistency, size clumps. They should of never passed the plant processing operations to reach the consumer. We should of never had to consume the terrible strong lasting taste. It was so strong of a taste that they said they still tasted it the next day, even though we gave them fluids and they tried to eat/taste the cook out food. Not to mention also brushing their teeth.
I still have the Doritos bag along with two good size pieces of what I call "clumps of seasoning." They may be something else but this is what I am calling them, due to the color, taste, how they break up/crumble with pressure. I may be wrong though, that is why I saved some samples and the bags.
I thought of taking the bag back to the supermarket, where I puchased the couple of bags from. But that many pieces in one bag leads me to believe this is a real concern over Frito Lays quality control. So that is why I am taking the time out to write this complaint letter. I am that very disappointed.
If you give me a e-mail address, I will gladly take a picture of the foreign clump products found in the bag then e-mail it to you for viewing. Or we can try make arrangement for an employee can pick them up themselves. I am willing to go the extra step since I strongly feel this is an un excusable product quality control for me, any consumer.
Awaiting a reply
I know what they are, don't need an essay.
Best names
women
Yuvonne
Elmarie
Fantasy Bliss
men
Jiansranco
Ernest
last names
Shadow
Heck
Best cities
Hercules, CA
Summerville, GA
Wall, NJ
Gilbert, AZ
Rolla, MO
Nauvoo, IL
...and in the Worst Pronunciation category:
Grand Blanc, MI (grand blank)
Chateaugay, NY (I was shocked when the spelling popped up...I was expecing something more phonetic, like Shadigay)
Best street name
I just got one from Calculus Dr in Dallas. I thought of you, Natalie. :)
Best foreign matter
Band-aid (unused, don't worry)
in the consumer's words:
"beer bottle piece" and
"faux almond"
Best misnomer
There was the usual "tostadas" and "kwee-so" for queso, but my favorite was "Santinos" instead of Santitas.
Best prank
Lots of pranks this week--is school getting out or what? But my favorite was the guy who said he found a Frito shaped like Jesus and asked if he should keep it. I said knock yourself out.
Dumbest prank
The guy (another adult...hmm) who called the Miss Vickie's line and asked if Miss Vickie was there. Next call I answered--same guy, same question. I wonder how many times he tried before he gave up.
Yogi Berra quote of week
"There are other brands of Sunchips but you're the only ones with cinnamon. Everyone else has the other flavors." Um really?
More consumer memorables
"I bought these Lay's, they're the Ruffles..."
"Why do you put all these junk chemicals in your chips? All these junk chemicals are slowing down metabolism."
About Wavy Lay's: "Do you smoosh them before you cut them?" What?
I also got asked--again--for the number to Sam's. Why on earth would we have that? And I was amazed to get a compliment call and two stale calls for Doritos Quest, after scores of calls from people who hate them.
Most talkative
The lady from Wisconsin with a strong accent who went on and on about everything from the neighbor boys who mow her lawn to the different kinds of cheese in her fridge to why nitrates cause cancer and therefore she eats no ham, hot dogs, bratwurst or lunch meat. Makes perfect sense. The real reason she called was because she bought another brand of salsa in mistake for Tostitos and wanted us to change the packaging to make it look different. Can't she just write down the name? She was sweet though.
Crazy of the week
"Betty from Georgia" called and asked where the name Frito-Lay comes from. So I told her that a long, long time ago (1932 to be precise), in a galaxy far, far away, there was a guy named Doolin who started making corn chips by night and selling them by day from his Model T Ford and a guy named Lay who started selling potato chips from his Model A Ford. (Sensing a pattern here?) In 1961 the companies merged to create a happy family called Frito-Lay. I didn't go into that much detail. I was wondering what she really wanted, but that seemed to make her happy, and she said those Frito products were really making her happy down in Georgia...but she was calling from an Ohio area code. She blessed me and told me she'd keep me in her prayers. I'm touched, Betty, but why did you think I needed them?
Too-much-time-on-your-hands award
This could go to a lot of people, but this week's runner-up is the tweenager who called to report a mistake on the bag--"flavor tortilla chips" instead of "flavored tortilla chips." The winner is the lady who called for no reason. In a broad sense, that could apply to many people who call, but seriously, she had nothing to say. She said, "Well, the back of the bag says to call, so I thought I would." Um okay, thanks for calling. What do I code that to?
Most worthless mail
The empty twin envelopes I got from buddies in Wisconsin addressed to Doritos and Baked Ruffles. They wrote things on the envelope like "interesting--I've never eaten shrapnel before!" and "new flavor sensation coming our way: Doritos vomit-filled creamy nuggets!" Is that supposed to be funny? Recycle bin.
Most quotation-mark-happy letter
This person felt the need to put such words and phrases as "stale," "flat," "bar code," "saved," "named," "clump," "Dollar General," and "guaranteed fresh until printed date" in quotes. Funny.
Best beginning to a donation request
"Drug abuse, law breaking and lives spiraling out of control: children are finding themselves living in broken homes with grandparents, other family members, or foster homes. Village Baptist is there, to stand in the gap, proclaiming God's word and Christ's love." Wow, sign me up! I also got a donation letter from a church called Kingdom Builders Family Worship Center. Wow, that's a mouthful. Why can't they call it a church?
Meanest letter (excerpts)
Tuesday morning my wife made a courtesy call to your consumer line to let them know that there was something different with the chips. The person of the female gender with delusions of omniscience my wife talked to proceeded to inform her that it was not a problem with the chips, it was what we were eating them with. She went on, expounding her ignorance, that if we were getting an upset stomach from it, we were just gluten intolerant from the flour. Making a diagnosis of gluten intolerance can only be made by trained and board certified medical practitioners. While I may not be able to eat meat with impunity, I have no problems with breads, cereals, or lactose products. The arrogance of the person on the other end of the phone made us extremely unlikely to purchase Frito-Lay products until the next blue moon, if then. For the record, it wasn't me, but this made me mad, especially the words he used that I can't repeat. I almost didn't answer it. Shocking, I know.
Most concise letter
Dear Sir,
Was not satisfied with chips. Did not taste fresh.
And the polar opposite...
Longest letter to say there were seasoning clumps in my bag
Yesterday, at a memorial day get together, the kids opened a bag of Doritos. They started eating them right from the bag like everyone does. Next thing I know we hear them yelling yuck, ick, nasty as they were spitting out the food in their mouths. So we all immediately ran over to them to see that was going on.
Seems the reason they were spitting out the mouthful of Doritos they were eating was due to something additional found in the bag along with the Doritos chips themselves. Two fo the kids had eaten a thick hard piece of what appears to the seasoning used to coat the chips.
The reason I can safely say this is because we found additional pieces of what they spit out in this particular bag. Each piece are large, about 1 1/4 inch long/ 1/4 inch depth. These orange/reddish color clumps are the exact same color of the Doritos chips. They will break apart with pressure, but are strong enough to withstand your processing prodecures, shipping, display on the store self not to mention our handling on purchasing the bag, taking it home then bringing it to a memorial weekend cookout.
Nothing else was eaten before or during this occurrence due to the kids were eating the Doritos as a snack while we were setting up the area for a cook out. Something everyone does, snack.
I do now believe all these pieces are a foreign outside object, food substance. Just unbelieveable bad quality control. Each of the 8 pieces found in the bag were of the exact consistency, size clumps. They should of never passed the plant processing operations to reach the consumer. We should of never had to consume the terrible strong lasting taste. It was so strong of a taste that they said they still tasted it the next day, even though we gave them fluids and they tried to eat/taste the cook out food. Not to mention also brushing their teeth.
I still have the Doritos bag along with two good size pieces of what I call "clumps of seasoning." They may be something else but this is what I am calling them, due to the color, taste, how they break up/crumble with pressure. I may be wrong though, that is why I saved some samples and the bags.
I thought of taking the bag back to the supermarket, where I puchased the couple of bags from. But that many pieces in one bag leads me to believe this is a real concern over Frito Lays quality control. So that is why I am taking the time out to write this complaint letter. I am that very disappointed.
If you give me a e-mail address, I will gladly take a picture of the foreign clump products found in the bag then e-mail it to you for viewing. Or we can try make arrangement for an employee can pick them up themselves. I am willing to go the extra step since I strongly feel this is an un excusable product quality control for me, any consumer.
Awaiting a reply
I know what they are, don't need an essay.
May 30, 2008
Week 4
It was soooo nice getting a day off this week. And having a half day on Friday. And getting paid for it. Thanks, Memorial Day! It was also fantastic getting a free lunch on Thursday, thanks to Subway Appreciation Day--ironically enough, though, it wasn't Subway. It was better. Oh, Frito, how I love you. Who else has a Subway Appreciation Day? It was a ridonculously busy week, though. Again, thank you, Memorial Day. And everyone who went on vacation.
Youngest job seeker
14. Who calls a company like Frito at 14 and asks for a job?
Best suggestion for changing Baked Tostitos
Less salt, fewer calories, and more protein. It won't still be a tortilla chip after you do that. Or as some people say, tortiLUH chip.
Dumbest question
"Do Flamin' Hot Cheetos contain pork?" And when I said yes, "Is that only in Mississippi or everywhere?" He wasn't even calling from Mississippi.
Weirdest question
"We just found a bag of chips in the drain pipe here at my work and want to know how old they are." What??? They were from 2006, btw. Gross.
Best beginning to a call
"I'm attempting to chomp on a bag of Cheetos." You may want to try chomping on the Cheetos.
Best guess for the Doritos The Quest flavor
Trix (the cereal) with ranch. Are you snerious?
Crazy of the week runner-up
She started with, "I'm one of your top-notch people in getting your products. I'm happy to report they're amusing to my taste buds." This was essentially a very enthusiastic 10-minute coupon request.
Crazy of the week
When I answered, she very-urgently-like-her-life-depended-on-it said, "What's your best-selling product?" I told her I didn't know and she cut in with, "See if someone else knows. I need a quick answer." Of course no one did, so I told her Nacho Cheese Doritos, which I figured was right (it is--thanks Dad). She said, "Oh...well I have a bag of broken chips here" and the rest of the conversation had nothing to do with Doritos. She said things like, when I asked for the manufacturing code, "do I have to say all the numbers?" and "don't put anything mean about me--I don't want to get in trouble." She wouldn't give me her first name, her phone number, or the name of the store where she bought the bag. Talk about paranoid. At the end she asked me for my name and said, "That's a cute name. Goodbye." Thanks for calling Frito-Lay.
Letters
Gangsta of the week
Chairman,
My name is Reggie and I'm written you with the concern of 2 bags of chips that I bought with your company. No I'm not mad I'm just upset cause I was in the position of being able to buy 3 bags of chips and a honeybun. So you ask yourself how mad you'll be; if you bought some chips and as you eaten them; they are unfresh to top that off. That was all the change that I had after leaven the club (I don't know if you Club or not) but I don't and when I leave I feel Well afterwards. I ain't trippin; I just want to know what the Company gone do to about the situation. Which I love eaten them
What am I supposed to do with this one? All I have to go on is the word "crushed"
Dear Fritoe Lay consumer affairs
There a problem on the large Size Bags Chips I Bought costly $9.99 and the Bag Diffrent Flavors one they the company Lies about What they Say Customer Didn't get the product! There no ways and crushed very in Tolernce of the company so go to product replace customer wishes
xxxooo
Cry me a river
Arguing as a Consumer
Frito Lay's Cracker Jack's definitely hit popular culture in 1908 when the song, "Take Me Out to the Ball Game," was written during a 30-minute subway ride by Jack Norworth. Ever since, Cracker Jack's have become a well-known, delicious snack to anyone who tries them, especially if you are sitting at a baseball game.
I had the opportunity to go to the Rockies versus Phillies game just two weeks ago with some friends and my brother. As my friend Jesse and I noticed, after we finished about half the box already, that we still hadn't gotten any peanuts yet! Every handful we grabbed after that was inspected and checked in hopes that we would get a peanut with our popcorn. Handful after handful, we were getting more and more disappointed in the lack of peanuts we found in the popcorn, until we got to the very bottom of the box. The peanuts were all sitting at the bottom and now there wasn't enough popcorn to go with the overwhelming amount of peanuts we had!
Of all the Cracker Jack lovers out there, I don't know if anyone could argue that the peanuts are not the key ingredient and best ingredient that Cracker Jack offers us in their popcorn mixture. The disappointment that came over us was so moving that I immediately came to the conclusion of writing to you, Cracker Jack, to see if you could make any improvements. You have proved with history that you create good and delicious products, and I'm not saying that Cracker Jack's aren't delicious. I think with all the new innovations out there, that you could develop something to make the peanuts stick better to the popcorn.
Something as simple as having the peanuts stuck to the popcorn and not just floating around and gathering at the bottom of the barrel could be another huge step for improving your already delicious product. I can't imagine how great Cracker Jack's would be after this simple improvement. I even think it would bring a lot of new indulgers to the table for your company. So, I ask you to please consider this new innovation so your fans can keep cheering at baseball games and not looking down at their peanut-less hands in pure disappointment.
My amusement at her title and pedantics on the history of CJ quickly turned to annoyance when I got to the part about the CJ actually having peanuts! What is she complaining about?? Ridonculous. Thanks for a big fat waste of time, Julie. Also highly annoying that she refers to it as Cracker Jack's.
Most self-righteous correspondant
This was addressed to the "flavor engineer." Yep, that's me.
Dear Frito Lays,
I've eaten Ms Vickie's Jalapeno chips before, so the other day I decided to try the above-mentioned "Salty Sweet Kettle Corn" variety, as it was on sale at Target. Unfortunately, when I opened the bag, I was surprised to see an entire giant bag of CARAMEL CORN! You know, where the "sugar" topping is no longer granulated because its flavor has been intensified by high heat! Sorry, but Kettle Corn is not Caramel Corn. Kettle corn has granulated sugar on it, not caramelized. Look it up on wikipedia; I'm sure Dallas has access to Wikipedia.org too. Anyway, now I am totally afraid to try some of the other Miss Vickies flavors. Will the "Country Onion" flavor actually be "Caramelized Country Onion"? Will the "Creamy Buttermilk Ranch" have a "Scalded Buttermilk Ranch" taste? I will never know. Too scared to buy them. Anyway, again, think about reformulating your recipe. I took the unopened, uneaten bag of "Kettle Corn" to work and put it on the Free Food Table, where the sharks I work with go to feast on the most misfit of snacks and lo, three days later, the Ms Vickie's is still there! I guess everyone was disappointed, like me.
Your Pal,
Lynne
Um, you're not my pal, Lynne.
Longest way to say "I didn't like your chips"
Hello,
It's unfortunate that I decide to write to you when I'm disappointed with your product as opposed to enjoying it buy frankly I think that paying for your product is the biggest copliment I can give you. I'm a loyal customer for years, if I have an addicted it would be eating sandwiches and it doesn't go down with out a bag of cheetos and water. I started out with the original cheese, then flaming hot, and now the jalapeno cheddar is my favorite. I have to admit that I was pretty excited when I saw you guys coming up with new flavors, and jumped at the chance to try them out. But the reason for my letter is about my disappointment with the new products. I tried three falvors in a row and threw away the bags half way through because I could not finish them. First one I tried was the new red spicy cheese puffs, I'm guessing it's the same flavor used on the new funions. The color is very odd, the taste is very chemical (true of all three flavors I tried), and with out being gross it's very bad for your body (I can explain if you would like). Second one was the white cheddar cheetos. In a taste test, I would never recognize that it was a cheddar flavor, it was very weak and for who ever likes it there was barley any in that bag, about a third full. And last is the one I'm tossing out as I write this letter, crunchy chili lemon cheetos, worst one of the bunch. A very citric acid taste that compliments the bad Texas chili taste in there distastefully. I don't know what's going on in your testing labs, but as a good customer I worry you are heading in the wrong direction. I can be a taste tester for you if you would like but I'm sure you have qualified people working for you. Ultimately I don't like to waste food and I surly hate wasting my money. So if you would, I would like my money back for these bags, or you may send me replacement bags of the flavors I enjoy. Thank you very much for you time and your product and hope that this letter is helpful in some way since it is from a loyal customer. Nope.
P.S. your new TV advertisements with Chester are very entertaining. That's nice.
Youngest job seeker
14. Who calls a company like Frito at 14 and asks for a job?
Best suggestion for changing Baked Tostitos
Less salt, fewer calories, and more protein. It won't still be a tortilla chip after you do that. Or as some people say, tortiLUH chip.
Dumbest question
"Do Flamin' Hot Cheetos contain pork?" And when I said yes, "Is that only in Mississippi or everywhere?" He wasn't even calling from Mississippi.
Weirdest question
"We just found a bag of chips in the drain pipe here at my work and want to know how old they are." What??? They were from 2006, btw. Gross.
Best beginning to a call
"I'm attempting to chomp on a bag of Cheetos." You may want to try chomping on the Cheetos.
Best guess for the Doritos The Quest flavor
Trix (the cereal) with ranch. Are you snerious?
Crazy of the week runner-up
She started with, "I'm one of your top-notch people in getting your products. I'm happy to report they're amusing to my taste buds." This was essentially a very enthusiastic 10-minute coupon request.
Crazy of the week
When I answered, she very-urgently-like-her-life-depended-on-it said, "What's your best-selling product?" I told her I didn't know and she cut in with, "See if someone else knows. I need a quick answer." Of course no one did, so I told her Nacho Cheese Doritos, which I figured was right (it is--thanks Dad). She said, "Oh...well I have a bag of broken chips here" and the rest of the conversation had nothing to do with Doritos. She said things like, when I asked for the manufacturing code, "do I have to say all the numbers?" and "don't put anything mean about me--I don't want to get in trouble." She wouldn't give me her first name, her phone number, or the name of the store where she bought the bag. Talk about paranoid. At the end she asked me for my name and said, "That's a cute name. Goodbye." Thanks for calling Frito-Lay.
Letters
Gangsta of the week
Chairman,
My name is Reggie and I'm written you with the concern of 2 bags of chips that I bought with your company. No I'm not mad I'm just upset cause I was in the position of being able to buy 3 bags of chips and a honeybun. So you ask yourself how mad you'll be; if you bought some chips and as you eaten them; they are unfresh to top that off. That was all the change that I had after leaven the club (I don't know if you Club or not) but I don't and when I leave I feel Well afterwards. I ain't trippin; I just want to know what the Company gone do to about the situation. Which I love eaten them
What am I supposed to do with this one? All I have to go on is the word "crushed"
Dear Fritoe Lay consumer affairs
There a problem on the large Size Bags Chips I Bought costly $9.99 and the Bag Diffrent Flavors one they the company Lies about What they Say Customer Didn't get the product! There no ways and crushed very in Tolernce of the company so go to product replace customer wishes
xxxooo
Cry me a river
Arguing as a Consumer
Frito Lay's Cracker Jack's definitely hit popular culture in 1908 when the song, "Take Me Out to the Ball Game," was written during a 30-minute subway ride by Jack Norworth. Ever since, Cracker Jack's have become a well-known, delicious snack to anyone who tries them, especially if you are sitting at a baseball game.
I had the opportunity to go to the Rockies versus Phillies game just two weeks ago with some friends and my brother. As my friend Jesse and I noticed, after we finished about half the box already, that we still hadn't gotten any peanuts yet! Every handful we grabbed after that was inspected and checked in hopes that we would get a peanut with our popcorn. Handful after handful, we were getting more and more disappointed in the lack of peanuts we found in the popcorn, until we got to the very bottom of the box. The peanuts were all sitting at the bottom and now there wasn't enough popcorn to go with the overwhelming amount of peanuts we had!
Of all the Cracker Jack lovers out there, I don't know if anyone could argue that the peanuts are not the key ingredient and best ingredient that Cracker Jack offers us in their popcorn mixture. The disappointment that came over us was so moving that I immediately came to the conclusion of writing to you, Cracker Jack, to see if you could make any improvements. You have proved with history that you create good and delicious products, and I'm not saying that Cracker Jack's aren't delicious. I think with all the new innovations out there, that you could develop something to make the peanuts stick better to the popcorn.
Something as simple as having the peanuts stuck to the popcorn and not just floating around and gathering at the bottom of the barrel could be another huge step for improving your already delicious product. I can't imagine how great Cracker Jack's would be after this simple improvement. I even think it would bring a lot of new indulgers to the table for your company. So, I ask you to please consider this new innovation so your fans can keep cheering at baseball games and not looking down at their peanut-less hands in pure disappointment.
My amusement at her title and pedantics on the history of CJ quickly turned to annoyance when I got to the part about the CJ actually having peanuts! What is she complaining about?? Ridonculous. Thanks for a big fat waste of time, Julie. Also highly annoying that she refers to it as Cracker Jack's.
Most self-righteous correspondant
This was addressed to the "flavor engineer." Yep, that's me.
Dear Frito Lays,
I've eaten Ms Vickie's Jalapeno chips before, so the other day I decided to try the above-mentioned "Salty Sweet Kettle Corn" variety, as it was on sale at Target. Unfortunately, when I opened the bag, I was surprised to see an entire giant bag of CARAMEL CORN! You know, where the "sugar" topping is no longer granulated because its flavor has been intensified by high heat! Sorry, but Kettle Corn is not Caramel Corn. Kettle corn has granulated sugar on it, not caramelized. Look it up on wikipedia; I'm sure Dallas has access to Wikipedia.org too. Anyway, now I am totally afraid to try some of the other Miss Vickies flavors. Will the "Country Onion" flavor actually be "Caramelized Country Onion"? Will the "Creamy Buttermilk Ranch" have a "Scalded Buttermilk Ranch" taste? I will never know. Too scared to buy them. Anyway, again, think about reformulating your recipe. I took the unopened, uneaten bag of "Kettle Corn" to work and put it on the Free Food Table, where the sharks I work with go to feast on the most misfit of snacks and lo, three days later, the Ms Vickie's is still there! I guess everyone was disappointed, like me.
Your Pal,
Lynne
Um, you're not my pal, Lynne.
Longest way to say "I didn't like your chips"
Hello,
It's unfortunate that I decide to write to you when I'm disappointed with your product as opposed to enjoying it buy frankly I think that paying for your product is the biggest copliment I can give you. I'm a loyal customer for years, if I have an addicted it would be eating sandwiches and it doesn't go down with out a bag of cheetos and water. I started out with the original cheese, then flaming hot, and now the jalapeno cheddar is my favorite. I have to admit that I was pretty excited when I saw you guys coming up with new flavors, and jumped at the chance to try them out. But the reason for my letter is about my disappointment with the new products. I tried three falvors in a row and threw away the bags half way through because I could not finish them. First one I tried was the new red spicy cheese puffs, I'm guessing it's the same flavor used on the new funions. The color is very odd, the taste is very chemical (true of all three flavors I tried), and with out being gross it's very bad for your body (I can explain if you would like). Second one was the white cheddar cheetos. In a taste test, I would never recognize that it was a cheddar flavor, it was very weak and for who ever likes it there was barley any in that bag, about a third full. And last is the one I'm tossing out as I write this letter, crunchy chili lemon cheetos, worst one of the bunch. A very citric acid taste that compliments the bad Texas chili taste in there distastefully. I don't know what's going on in your testing labs, but as a good customer I worry you are heading in the wrong direction. I can be a taste tester for you if you would like but I'm sure you have qualified people working for you. Ultimately I don't like to waste food and I surly hate wasting my money. So if you would, I would like my money back for these bags, or you may send me replacement bags of the flavors I enjoy. Thank you very much for you time and your product and hope that this letter is helpful in some way since it is from a loyal customer. Nope.
P.S. your new TV advertisements with Chester are very entertaining. That's nice.
May 23, 2008
Week 3
Punchline to last week's joke
What do you call a parrot wearing a raincoat? Polyunsaturated.
Best names
Bekkee
Lavey (luh-VAY)
Daquana
Jatynthia
Dawn Sweet
my personal favorite: Gogo La Tata. She was a little crazy.
Best places
Wartburg, TN
Maynardville, TN
Chagrin Falls, OH
Best foreign matter
a chipped tooth--I don't believe it. That lady was crazy too.
unidentifiable brown chunks...???
Best guesses for the Doritos Quest flavor
Fruit Loops! (The flavor is Mountain Dew, in case you were wondering. I haven't tried them but I imagine they're disgusting. Been getting a lot of calls from people telling me that this week.)
Worst prank attempts
"Do Sunchips contain potatoes?! I'm deathly allergic!"
In a really bad fake Asian accent: "I really like Cheetos. Can you make root beer and ketchup Cheetos?"
Dumbest reason to call
This guy wanted to know the title of the song in one of our commercials. He said he'd called the news station, the radio station, everyone he could think of and no one knew what it was. He also wanted to find it again...I told him to go to Youtube. Duh.
Best movie character sound-alike
The lady from Louisiana who sounded JUST LIKE John Travolta in Hairspray. I had never heard anyone talk like that for reals, and it was hilarious. I could hardly keep my composure.
Best where-to-buy
The friendly rancher from Mineral Wells, who made sure the first thing he told me was where he was and exactly how far it is from Fort Worth. He said he was looking for Doritos Picante Sizzlers--I had to do a little searching to figure out what he was talking about because they've come and gone since last summer and they're definitely not called Picante Sizzlers. I told him they were discontinued and he said, very twangily, "Well, I'll tell y'all what, that was the best chip y'all ever made. You know what I do now, I just buy the Blazin' Buffalo Ranch and the Spicy Nacho and get me one of those big ol' jars of picante sauce and dip 'em in the sauce!" He thought it was the funniest thing.
The only happy Cracker Jack consumer I have ever and will ever talk to
I was dreading what was coming next when this guy told me he was 76 and used to eat Cracker Jack when he was little. Old people love to complain about Cracker Jack and they always start with their age and how many years they've been eating it, which is sometimes the same. "It's not as good as it used to be, what happened to all the peanuts and cool prizes? yadayadayada..." I was very surprised when he said his wife had just come home from the store with CJ and he didn't know it was made anymore! He was thrilled! He said, "I just wanted to tell you I'm getting ready to sit down with my grandson and watch a movie and enjoy this CJ and do you still make it in boxes and where are you and thanks so much for making this!" My pleasure.
Memorable consumer quotes of the week
"Half the bag is not even full!"
"I eat a lot of bad health food. This bag tasted like dirt--and I would even eat dirt if it had BBQ on it!" If Baked Lay's that tastes like dirt is bad health food, what's good health food?
"Hello, am I talking to a real live person?" No, you're talking to a real dead person.
"This bag of sunflower seeds says it contains 190 calories per serving. Does that include the shells?" You EAT the shells?
The woman complaining about cheap Cracker Jack prizes who suggested we make "holographic mind teaser puzzles" to put in the bags instead of "creepy holographic bee things." No idea what she was talking about.
"How many bags of chips do you have to eat to become a chip expert?" Um you tell me. I'm no expert.
Most long-winded old lady
The conversation went something like this:
"The name is Jeanette, J-E-A-N-E-T-T-E. That's my first name. I'll spell the last name for you. V as in Victor, A as in apple, N as in Nancy, no space, capital O as in orange, T as in Tom, E as in Edward, G as in George, H as in hotel, E as in Edward, M as in Mary." Then she went on to tell me she had a bag of chips that was too salty or whatever was wrong with them, and that she was 4'3.5" and it's hard being short and how tall are you? and the history of her father immigrating from Germany and her mother losing her hearing when doctors were treating her for something and screwed up, and her parents meeting in deaf school and getting married and having 7 children and she's the only one left and she just has her daughter and are my parents still living? I said yes, I'm pretty young, and told her I was one of 8 which made her happy. She was so sweet. But a very slow talker and responder, so I had her on the phone for a while. I feel sorry for those lonely old ladies.
From letters
I eat all your products except one flavor of Pringles.
You should consider making dill pickle chips.
The usual round of school assignment letters
Last week it was Milwaukee, this time it's Rockford, IL.
Hi my name is Roxanna. I am a 6th grader from Flinn Middle School, and I am writing to you because your Doritos taste good. I think that they are the best chips I've ever tasted. I was wondering if you have any new products coming out. Thank you for your time I look forward from hearing from you.
My name is James, and I am twelve years old. I'm writing this letter telling you that I like your product Flamin' Hot Cheetos! I like to eat Hot Cheetos after school. My favorite time to eat them is when I'm not in school. Yeah, the academic atmosphere really ruins them. Your product is the best snack I've ever eaten. One reason I like Hot Cheetos is because they are spicy, and really good. I was wondering if you have any new products coming out soon, if there are any new flavors, or new snacks. Thank you for your time. I look forward hearing from you. What is it with kids and Flamin' Hot Cheetos?! Yuck!
Hi my name is Samantha E. Ace I am twelve years old. I am writing about your product Crunchy Cheetos. When I eat your product I love the crunchy parts, the cheesy goodness and every bit of it. I always am craving Cheetos when I want a wonderful snack just like yours. When I eat your delicious Cheetos I like the wonderful taste of everything about it. If you have any new products I would love to try some. Maybe you could try a sweet and salty Cheetos. I think it would be delicious. I'm always up for taste testing. Thank you for your time, and I look forward to hearing from you. Yay Samantha! You got it right!
Best child letter
To Whom It May Concern:
My class conducted a blind taste test. We tasted your Classic Style Thin Pretzel and Sunny Select Twist Pretzels. In my class we got two different pretzels and drew or traced the pretzels. Then we had to smell, feel, see hear and eat. When I smell you're your was not the same smell as the other one. When I felt yours it was very bumpy because of the salt. After that I saw it, it was light brown and had little 3-D dots. I had to eat it and the sound sounded like crunch, crunch. It had the taste of salt and bread. YUMMY! Then we had to compare and contract. Your pretzels were great and and salty and Sunny Select was soapy and over salted. If I was you I would make it bigger and fatter. It's the perfect amount of salt. GREAT SUPER JOB!!!!!!!!!
Best adult letter
New Product Department, or whoever gets the credit:
I bought a bag of Chester's Puffcorn, and I just have to expound. These things are the best idea since sliced bread. They taste more like popcorn than popcorn, without the residue. I work for a Law Enforcement Agency, and don't let anyone tell you that Peace Officers aren't devious. I took a bag to work and I was mobbed...offered a few to each person as a nice gesture, and they kept sneaking back and carrying it off by the handful (which is outright stealing, according to the Statute.)
The only place I know to buy them is at our local Walgreen's store, and like a sap, I blabbed about it. Three of my back-stabbing coworkers got there before me and cleaned out their remaining supplu. They didn't leave me a single bag.
Thought you'd be interested in come of their comments:
"I want some for my grandpa. He loves popcorn, but has trouble chewing."
"My four-year-old is a popcorn freak, and I can give these to him without the worrying. There's nothing to choke on, they melt in your mouth."
"I'm taking a bag to the movies, so I don't have to dig those hard little kernels out of my teeth and scrape them off my tongue."
Please! Can you tell me where else I can buy this delightful, delicious, low-cal snack? I promise not to tell, and hog them all for myself.
Most bizarre letter
He wrote this in impeccably neat curvise in pencil and then wrote over it in pen. I wonder how old he is.
Dear To Whom it may concern;
Miss Vickie's
Hello! How are you all doing? I'm OK. I love your potatoe chips they taste great! I like the ingredients; all natural, kettle cooked, original recipe, nothing artificial, zero grams trans fat--because theirs no trans fat in them at all. I love the taste of the potatoes, sunflower oil and/or cottonseed oil, I love the idea of using salt from the sea. The oils used in here make it taste so, so good! I also saw that these potatoe chips are made on the farmnot from the factory, good invention. their cooked in small batches right from the kettle pot usually people cook them on a frying pan what a birlliant idea! The flavor taste is so natural you hardly can't taste the salt. There's no cholesterol in them perfect for me because I used to suffer with cholesterol and I had to take pills, the calories are (210) per serving, a little bit of sodium (6%), and carbohydrate (8%), protein (2g) the nutrition facts stated here My opinion says that these chips are the healthiest to eat, that's a good investment for everyone! Here's some advice you can count on--make bigger bags and put more chips either halfway or fill it to the top. And here's another suggestion try different flavors in your recipes, that way customers can try different varieties of potatoe chips.
Sincerely yours
Armando Urdanivia
Thanks Armando.
What do you call a parrot wearing a raincoat? Polyunsaturated.
Best names
Bekkee
Lavey (luh-VAY)
Daquana
Jatynthia
Dawn Sweet
my personal favorite: Gogo La Tata. She was a little crazy.
Best places
Wartburg, TN
Maynardville, TN
Chagrin Falls, OH
Best foreign matter
a chipped tooth--I don't believe it. That lady was crazy too.
unidentifiable brown chunks...???
Best guesses for the Doritos Quest flavor
Fruit Loops! (The flavor is Mountain Dew, in case you were wondering. I haven't tried them but I imagine they're disgusting. Been getting a lot of calls from people telling me that this week.)
Worst prank attempts
"Do Sunchips contain potatoes?! I'm deathly allergic!"
In a really bad fake Asian accent: "I really like Cheetos. Can you make root beer and ketchup Cheetos?"
Dumbest reason to call
This guy wanted to know the title of the song in one of our commercials. He said he'd called the news station, the radio station, everyone he could think of and no one knew what it was. He also wanted to find it again...I told him to go to Youtube. Duh.
Best movie character sound-alike
The lady from Louisiana who sounded JUST LIKE John Travolta in Hairspray. I had never heard anyone talk like that for reals, and it was hilarious. I could hardly keep my composure.
Best where-to-buy
The friendly rancher from Mineral Wells, who made sure the first thing he told me was where he was and exactly how far it is from Fort Worth. He said he was looking for Doritos Picante Sizzlers--I had to do a little searching to figure out what he was talking about because they've come and gone since last summer and they're definitely not called Picante Sizzlers. I told him they were discontinued and he said, very twangily, "Well, I'll tell y'all what, that was the best chip y'all ever made. You know what I do now, I just buy the Blazin' Buffalo Ranch and the Spicy Nacho and get me one of those big ol' jars of picante sauce and dip 'em in the sauce!" He thought it was the funniest thing.
The only happy Cracker Jack consumer I have ever and will ever talk to
I was dreading what was coming next when this guy told me he was 76 and used to eat Cracker Jack when he was little. Old people love to complain about Cracker Jack and they always start with their age and how many years they've been eating it, which is sometimes the same. "It's not as good as it used to be, what happened to all the peanuts and cool prizes? yadayadayada..." I was very surprised when he said his wife had just come home from the store with CJ and he didn't know it was made anymore! He was thrilled! He said, "I just wanted to tell you I'm getting ready to sit down with my grandson and watch a movie and enjoy this CJ and do you still make it in boxes and where are you and thanks so much for making this!" My pleasure.
Memorable consumer quotes of the week
"Half the bag is not even full!"
"I eat a lot of bad health food. This bag tasted like dirt--and I would even eat dirt if it had BBQ on it!" If Baked Lay's that tastes like dirt is bad health food, what's good health food?
"Hello, am I talking to a real live person?" No, you're talking to a real dead person.
"This bag of sunflower seeds says it contains 190 calories per serving. Does that include the shells?" You EAT the shells?
The woman complaining about cheap Cracker Jack prizes who suggested we make "holographic mind teaser puzzles" to put in the bags instead of "creepy holographic bee things." No idea what she was talking about.
"How many bags of chips do you have to eat to become a chip expert?" Um you tell me. I'm no expert.
Most long-winded old lady
The conversation went something like this:
"The name is Jeanette, J-E-A-N-E-T-T-E. That's my first name. I'll spell the last name for you. V as in Victor, A as in apple, N as in Nancy, no space, capital O as in orange, T as in Tom, E as in Edward, G as in George, H as in hotel, E as in Edward, M as in Mary." Then she went on to tell me she had a bag of chips that was too salty or whatever was wrong with them, and that she was 4'3.5" and it's hard being short and how tall are you? and the history of her father immigrating from Germany and her mother losing her hearing when doctors were treating her for something and screwed up, and her parents meeting in deaf school and getting married and having 7 children and she's the only one left and she just has her daughter and are my parents still living? I said yes, I'm pretty young, and told her I was one of 8 which made her happy. She was so sweet. But a very slow talker and responder, so I had her on the phone for a while. I feel sorry for those lonely old ladies.
From letters
I eat all your products except one flavor of Pringles.
You should consider making dill pickle chips.
The usual round of school assignment letters
Last week it was Milwaukee, this time it's Rockford, IL.
Hi my name is Roxanna. I am a 6th grader from Flinn Middle School, and I am writing to you because your Doritos taste good. I think that they are the best chips I've ever tasted. I was wondering if you have any new products coming out. Thank you for your time I look forward from hearing from you.
My name is James, and I am twelve years old. I'm writing this letter telling you that I like your product Flamin' Hot Cheetos! I like to eat Hot Cheetos after school. My favorite time to eat them is when I'm not in school. Yeah, the academic atmosphere really ruins them. Your product is the best snack I've ever eaten. One reason I like Hot Cheetos is because they are spicy, and really good. I was wondering if you have any new products coming out soon, if there are any new flavors, or new snacks. Thank you for your time. I look forward hearing from you. What is it with kids and Flamin' Hot Cheetos?! Yuck!
Hi my name is Samantha E. Ace I am twelve years old. I am writing about your product Crunchy Cheetos. When I eat your product I love the crunchy parts, the cheesy goodness and every bit of it. I always am craving Cheetos when I want a wonderful snack just like yours. When I eat your delicious Cheetos I like the wonderful taste of everything about it. If you have any new products I would love to try some. Maybe you could try a sweet and salty Cheetos. I think it would be delicious. I'm always up for taste testing. Thank you for your time, and I look forward to hearing from you. Yay Samantha! You got it right!
Best child letter
To Whom It May Concern:
My class conducted a blind taste test. We tasted your Classic Style Thin Pretzel and Sunny Select Twist Pretzels. In my class we got two different pretzels and drew or traced the pretzels. Then we had to smell, feel, see hear and eat. When I smell you're your was not the same smell as the other one. When I felt yours it was very bumpy because of the salt. After that I saw it, it was light brown and had little 3-D dots. I had to eat it and the sound sounded like crunch, crunch. It had the taste of salt and bread. YUMMY! Then we had to compare and contract. Your pretzels were great and and salty and Sunny Select was soapy and over salted. If I was you I would make it bigger and fatter. It's the perfect amount of salt. GREAT SUPER JOB!!!!!!!!!
Best adult letter
New Product Department, or whoever gets the credit:
I bought a bag of Chester's Puffcorn, and I just have to expound. These things are the best idea since sliced bread. They taste more like popcorn than popcorn, without the residue. I work for a Law Enforcement Agency, and don't let anyone tell you that Peace Officers aren't devious. I took a bag to work and I was mobbed...offered a few to each person as a nice gesture, and they kept sneaking back and carrying it off by the handful (which is outright stealing, according to the Statute.)
The only place I know to buy them is at our local Walgreen's store, and like a sap, I blabbed about it. Three of my back-stabbing coworkers got there before me and cleaned out their remaining supplu. They didn't leave me a single bag.
Thought you'd be interested in come of their comments:
"I want some for my grandpa. He loves popcorn, but has trouble chewing."
"My four-year-old is a popcorn freak, and I can give these to him without the worrying. There's nothing to choke on, they melt in your mouth."
"I'm taking a bag to the movies, so I don't have to dig those hard little kernels out of my teeth and scrape them off my tongue."
Please! Can you tell me where else I can buy this delightful, delicious, low-cal snack? I promise not to tell, and hog them all for myself.
Most bizarre letter
He wrote this in impeccably neat curvise in pencil and then wrote over it in pen. I wonder how old he is.
Dear To Whom it may concern;
Miss Vickie's
Hello! How are you all doing? I'm OK. I love your potatoe chips they taste great! I like the ingredients; all natural, kettle cooked, original recipe, nothing artificial, zero grams trans fat--because theirs no trans fat in them at all. I love the taste of the potatoes, sunflower oil and/or cottonseed oil, I love the idea of using salt from the sea. The oils used in here make it taste so, so good! I also saw that these potatoe chips are made on the farm
Sincerely yours
Armando Urdanivia
Thanks Armando.
May 16, 2008
Week 2
...went by way faster than week 1. Yay.
Best places
Oconomowoc, WI
Brookings, OR--from Doris' parents' neighbor!
Lewisville, TX
Foreign matter not for the faint of heart
velcro
roach
cigarette butt
green scrubby pad
Best response to "Is there anything else I can help you with?"
I could use a large pizza and a backrub.
Best compliment to Flat Earth Apple Cinnamon
They're nice and pleasant. It's nice to eat something nice.
Best joke
What do you call a parrot wearing a raincoat? (punchline coming next week)
Most unnecessary information
I do my marketing at Walmart in the state of Georgia. I do my marketing at Walmart on such-and-such street, and it's an item I purchase every time I do marketing.
Best response to "What kind of Sunchips?"
The Frito-Lay kind.
Most unique reason for a compliment
The ability to taste it--this lady said due to brain damage, she has no sense of taste or smell and can actually kind of sort of taste this. Poor thing.
Most enthused consumer
The sweet old lady who couldn't tell me how thrilled she was to have discovered Miss Vickie's. I didn't think her enthusiasm could increase, but it did when I offered her coupons. She blessed me several times.
Most enthused complaining consumer
Most people are upset when they find foreign matter, but this lady who called about a piece of wood in her sunflower seeds was one of those who wasn't bothered by it, just thought we should know. She was thrilled through the roof when I offered to send her an envelope to retrieve it AND coupons. She blessed me too. I feel so blessed.
Most long-winded consumers--the frustrating and the funny
The lady who asked if we have a low-or no-sodium Frito. I told her she was in luck! We just launched a new line called Pinch of Salt in four brands, including Fritos. She proceeded to ignore that statement and go on and on and on about how unnecessary sodium is and why all the salt? and it really doesn't do anything for the flavor and why can't companies stop copying each other and be innovative and use natural flavors and spices like ginger? and who's in charge of all this? for all I know it could be people that are 300 or 400 pounds--not that I have anything against people who are heavy, but if they're not educated enough to know what goes into a good product...after a while of trying to cut in to offer her a list of our low-sodium products, which she also ignored, I recommended Pinch of Salt again and finally got her off the phone. One memorable statement was "I don't know what kind of vegetation for nutrition they have to be making these decisions," referring to our executives. Vegetation for nutrition? What's that supposed to mean? It's these kinds of people who make the days long.
Our second recipient was a food writer from North Hollywood who called to complain that his chip delivery guy stopped bringing Baked Lay's to the local carcineria where he goes every day. He told me he wanted blood. Well, can't make any promises there. Then he mentioned that he knew one of our people in Public Affairs in charge of media because she would help him with columns and whatnot. Then he started a third tangent about how young-looking and handsome and wrinkle-less he is (made sure to tell me at least three times that he's 65) and his trade secret that he usually doesn't share: apricot kernel oil applied daily to the face, mixed with something else that has trace amounts of cyanide with supposedly removes dead skin. He was a character. Went on and on, swearing by his skin care regimen, telling me he wanted blood and a reprimand for the FL driver, and asking me to "give his love" to the Public Affairs chick, and raving about Natural Ruffles which he named our best product in his column. It's these kinds of people who keep me entertained and wanting to post on the blog.
Weirdest transfer call
My neighbor got a call from someone who said he had talked to me earlier and asked to be transferred to me. I told her to send him over. Definitely had not talked to him earlier. He just had a normal complaint but I think it was bogus. How did he know my name? Must be the ringleader of a prank call gang. Creepy.
From a letter posted in the mailroom
I never carry a chip on my shoulder. I eat mine directly from the bag.
Maybe in this high school English class they should learn English
To whom it may concern:
My name is Jaelan Poole; I'm a 9th grade student at Vincent High school in Milwaukee. In my English class we're learning about media & adverting. And one of are assignments is to write the company of our favorite product and tell them what we like about the product. I enjoy your product Cheeto Cruncy, Sunflower Seeds, and Cheetos Hot Famines. They are just hot, cheesey and good, but I have a suggestion, I think that you should make Guacamole Cheetos and Sunflower Seeds. I think they will sale a lot. Thank you for taking the time out of your day and reading my letter. If you would write me back I could get points. Thank You
To the President of Frito Lay Company:
I am a fan of your products! My name is Nastasia Willis. Every chip you make has a satisfying and remarkable taste. I recently purchased a bag of your chips, Cheddar and Sour Cream Ruffles. Those chips are the highlight of my life, especially the Lays Cheddar and Sour Cream. I set each and every one of the most fantastic flowering chips on the middle of my and then let it marinate. Now as for your sun flower seeds. Wow! Those things are the highlight and most refreshing sensational product Frito Lay has ever made. When I have a taste for them, I go crazy. I buy like six bags to eat. I can eat 4 bags in 50 minutes, without my bottom and top lip getting num. Well I think every one of your products are qualified with me. If you can respond I would really appreciated your consideration. Your response will earn me extra credit
Most long-winded and hilarious fifth grader (I'm so glad she didn't call)
Dear Sir or Madam:
Hello, my name is Anne Nichols. I am a fifth grader here at Lebanon Middle School. I am writing to compliment you on your white-cheesed snack, Smartfood. Everyone that I've ever met has tried your corn-tastic treat and agreed that it's fabulous. The taste is supreme, and the color is so wonderful that it would be enough to make you want to jump into the bag and make popcorn angles. I also have some suggestions, but I won't spoil the pleasant moment. I have so much to ask and tell you. My whole family loves Smartfood. We all adore the creamy-goodness of the corn. As I nibble into the treat I only focus on the taste. It's like biting into heaven! How do you pack that much crunchiness into such a small bag? I truly have no idea how you do it. Another question, does anyone in your company ever sneak some popcorn into their mouth as they work? How do you do it? How do you make your corn so white? Your Smartfood is whiter then the board in my classroom. Your popcorn is like magic. It's like a wizard cast a spell on it and it can never turn a different color. I would love to see how you make your Smartfood enchantments. Remember earlier in my letter I told you I had some suggestions? Well, for my first proposal may I suggest a new flavor of cheese? Like maybe cheddar or parmesan, who knows! Hey, maybe you could do extra cheesiness. Another idea, have you every thought of making chocolate-covered popcorn? I know many people that would cork down more corn after it was smothered in chocolate. I mean who wouldn't? Every one loves chocolate, and who doesn't love popcorn? They are a perfect match. So once again, I thank you. But not just for taking the time to read my letter but for making Smartfood! I would be so sad if you didn't make your popcorn anymore. I mean who doesn't love to lick cheese off their fingers? It's the best part eating popcorn. Well I hope you take at least one of my suggestions but if you took all of them that would be awesome. Well either way, I hope you keep on making your Smartfood!
Sincerely,
Anne Nichols
P.S. Does Smartfood really make you smart? I am going to test that one day.
More funny children
To the Frito-Lay company,
Hi! I'm a ten year old boy who lives in Midland, Michigan. My name is Joh Reeves (pronounced Joe). I really like your products. I like Cheetos and Doritos the most. You can't have just one.
I even have some flavor suggestions. Of course, you don't need to use them. Anyways, I thought maybe your could make like a salsa flavor for Doritos. Mmmm…tangy. Another idea is to create a four cheese cheeto, you know, like a pizza. Or you could make something like Chipotle Ranch flavor cheeto. You don’t have to use these ideas, but I thought they might taste good (and I won't charge you. Heh).
Well I’m running out of space so…I hope all goes well and your company will live long and prosper/
Your happy customer,
Joh Reeves
Dear Doritos Comp.
I'm so happy when I eat my Doritos. There is not one day I don't buy one Pack of Doritos. I just wanted to thank you for makeing Doritos evry day and for makeing new types of Doritos. All of the new flavor your guys make are great. Ones again thank you.
Dear Frito-Lay
Thanks for making Doritos my dad buys doritos almost everyday. They taste really good. Know that you made new flavor their great. I just wanted to thank you for the new flavor's. the new flavor have great taste.
Best places
Oconomowoc, WI
Brookings, OR--from Doris' parents' neighbor!
Lewisville, TX
Foreign matter not for the faint of heart
velcro
roach
cigarette butt
green scrubby pad
Best response to "Is there anything else I can help you with?"
I could use a large pizza and a backrub.
Best compliment to Flat Earth Apple Cinnamon
They're nice and pleasant. It's nice to eat something nice.
Best joke
What do you call a parrot wearing a raincoat? (punchline coming next week)
Most unnecessary information
I do my marketing at Walmart in the state of Georgia. I do my marketing at Walmart on such-and-such street, and it's an item I purchase every time I do marketing.
Best response to "What kind of Sunchips?"
The Frito-Lay kind.
Most unique reason for a compliment
The ability to taste it--this lady said due to brain damage, she has no sense of taste or smell and can actually kind of sort of taste this. Poor thing.
Most enthused consumer
The sweet old lady who couldn't tell me how thrilled she was to have discovered Miss Vickie's. I didn't think her enthusiasm could increase, but it did when I offered her coupons. She blessed me several times.
Most enthused complaining consumer
Most people are upset when they find foreign matter, but this lady who called about a piece of wood in her sunflower seeds was one of those who wasn't bothered by it, just thought we should know. She was thrilled through the roof when I offered to send her an envelope to retrieve it AND coupons. She blessed me too. I feel so blessed.
Most long-winded consumers--the frustrating and the funny
The lady who asked if we have a low-or no-sodium Frito. I told her she was in luck! We just launched a new line called Pinch of Salt in four brands, including Fritos. She proceeded to ignore that statement and go on and on and on about how unnecessary sodium is and why all the salt? and it really doesn't do anything for the flavor and why can't companies stop copying each other and be innovative and use natural flavors and spices like ginger? and who's in charge of all this? for all I know it could be people that are 300 or 400 pounds--not that I have anything against people who are heavy, but if they're not educated enough to know what goes into a good product...after a while of trying to cut in to offer her a list of our low-sodium products, which she also ignored, I recommended Pinch of Salt again and finally got her off the phone. One memorable statement was "I don't know what kind of vegetation for nutrition they have to be making these decisions," referring to our executives. Vegetation for nutrition? What's that supposed to mean? It's these kinds of people who make the days long.
Our second recipient was a food writer from North Hollywood who called to complain that his chip delivery guy stopped bringing Baked Lay's to the local carcineria where he goes every day. He told me he wanted blood. Well, can't make any promises there. Then he mentioned that he knew one of our people in Public Affairs in charge of media because she would help him with columns and whatnot. Then he started a third tangent about how young-looking and handsome and wrinkle-less he is (made sure to tell me at least three times that he's 65) and his trade secret that he usually doesn't share: apricot kernel oil applied daily to the face, mixed with something else that has trace amounts of cyanide with supposedly removes dead skin. He was a character. Went on and on, swearing by his skin care regimen, telling me he wanted blood and a reprimand for the FL driver, and asking me to "give his love" to the Public Affairs chick, and raving about Natural Ruffles which he named our best product in his column. It's these kinds of people who keep me entertained and wanting to post on the blog.
Weirdest transfer call
My neighbor got a call from someone who said he had talked to me earlier and asked to be transferred to me. I told her to send him over. Definitely had not talked to him earlier. He just had a normal complaint but I think it was bogus. How did he know my name? Must be the ringleader of a prank call gang. Creepy.
From a letter posted in the mailroom
I never carry a chip on my shoulder. I eat mine directly from the bag.
Maybe in this high school English class they should learn English
To whom it may concern:
My name is Jaelan Poole; I'm a 9th grade student at Vincent High school in Milwaukee. In my English class we're learning about media & adverting. And one of are assignments is to write the company of our favorite product and tell them what we like about the product. I enjoy your product Cheeto Cruncy, Sunflower Seeds, and Cheetos Hot Famines. They are just hot, cheesey and good, but I have a suggestion, I think that you should make Guacamole Cheetos and Sunflower Seeds. I think they will sale a lot. Thank you for taking the time out of your day and reading my letter. If you would write me back I could get points. Thank You
To the President of Frito Lay Company:
I am a fan of your products! My name is Nastasia Willis. Every chip you make has a satisfying and remarkable taste. I recently purchased a bag of your chips, Cheddar and Sour Cream Ruffles. Those chips are the highlight of my life, especially the Lays Cheddar and Sour Cream. I set each and every one of the most fantastic flowering chips on the middle of my and then let it marinate. Now as for your sun flower seeds. Wow! Those things are the highlight and most refreshing sensational product Frito Lay has ever made. When I have a taste for them, I go crazy. I buy like six bags to eat. I can eat 4 bags in 50 minutes, without my bottom and top lip getting num. Well I think every one of your products are qualified with me. If you can respond I would really appreciated your consideration. Your response will earn me extra credit
Most long-winded and hilarious fifth grader (I'm so glad she didn't call)
Dear Sir or Madam:
Hello, my name is Anne Nichols. I am a fifth grader here at Lebanon Middle School. I am writing to compliment you on your white-cheesed snack, Smartfood. Everyone that I've ever met has tried your corn-tastic treat and agreed that it's fabulous. The taste is supreme, and the color is so wonderful that it would be enough to make you want to jump into the bag and make popcorn angles. I also have some suggestions, but I won't spoil the pleasant moment. I have so much to ask and tell you. My whole family loves Smartfood. We all adore the creamy-goodness of the corn. As I nibble into the treat I only focus on the taste. It's like biting into heaven! How do you pack that much crunchiness into such a small bag? I truly have no idea how you do it. Another question, does anyone in your company ever sneak some popcorn into their mouth as they work? How do you do it? How do you make your corn so white? Your Smartfood is whiter then the board in my classroom. Your popcorn is like magic. It's like a wizard cast a spell on it and it can never turn a different color. I would love to see how you make your Smartfood enchantments. Remember earlier in my letter I told you I had some suggestions? Well, for my first proposal may I suggest a new flavor of cheese? Like maybe cheddar or parmesan, who knows! Hey, maybe you could do extra cheesiness. Another idea, have you every thought of making chocolate-covered popcorn? I know many people that would cork down more corn after it was smothered in chocolate. I mean who wouldn't? Every one loves chocolate, and who doesn't love popcorn? They are a perfect match. So once again, I thank you. But not just for taking the time to read my letter but for making Smartfood! I would be so sad if you didn't make your popcorn anymore. I mean who doesn't love to lick cheese off their fingers? It's the best part eating popcorn. Well I hope you take at least one of my suggestions but if you took all of them that would be awesome. Well either way, I hope you keep on making your Smartfood!
Sincerely,
Anne Nichols
P.S. Does Smartfood really make you smart? I am going to test that one day.
More funny children
To the Frito-Lay company,
Hi! I'm a ten year old boy who lives in Midland, Michigan. My name is Joh Reeves (pronounced Joe). I really like your products. I like Cheetos and Doritos the most. You can't have just one.
I even have some flavor suggestions. Of course, you don't need to use them. Anyways, I thought maybe your could make like a salsa flavor for Doritos. Mmmm…tangy. Another idea is to create a four cheese cheeto, you know, like a pizza. Or you could make something like Chipotle Ranch flavor cheeto. You don’t have to use these ideas, but I thought they might taste good (and I won't charge you. Heh).
Well I’m running out of space so…I hope all goes well and your company will live long and prosper/
Your happy customer,
Joh Reeves
Dear Doritos Comp.
I'm so happy when I eat my Doritos. There is not one day I don't buy one Pack of Doritos. I just wanted to thank you for makeing Doritos evry day and for makeing new types of Doritos. All of the new flavor your guys make are great. Ones again thank you.
Dear Frito-Lay
Thanks for making Doritos my dad buys doritos almost everyday. They taste really good. Know that you made new flavor their great. I just wanted to thank you for the new flavor's. the new flavor have great taste.
May 11, 2008
Baby shower!
Mom, Wendy and I got to go to Abbie's baby shower last Friday. I haven't been to a lot of showers, but this one was by far the most over-the-top crazy. It made me really, really, really excited to have a little girl. I took lots of pictures.
There was lots of yummy food.
The diaper cake Wendy made.
Lots of presents.
Lots of friends to laugh with.
Laurel presiding over the "how much do you know about Abbie" game, in which we dominated.
Opening the diaper cake...
Adorable dress #1...
Adorable dress #2...do they have that in my size?
It just kept going! (Abbie, you look adorable. I can't wait to see that dress on the baby instead of the hanger.)
Gwen's jealous :)
Matching sunglasses!
One big pile o' clothes. How cute is that little tutu??
The White furls.
Little Audrie is so lucky to have that adorable new wardrobe...and that wonderful mommy! Happy Mother's Day to my mom and all my sisters and sisters-in-law. I hope to be half as amazing as all of you when I'm a mommy!
There was lots of yummy food.
The diaper cake Wendy made.
Lots of presents.
Lots of friends to laugh with.
Laurel presiding over the "how much do you know about Abbie" game, in which we dominated.
Opening the diaper cake...
Adorable dress #1...
Adorable dress #2...do they have that in my size?
It just kept going! (Abbie, you look adorable. I can't wait to see that dress on the baby instead of the hanger.)
Gwen's jealous :)
Matching sunglasses!
One big pile o' clothes. How cute is that little tutu??
The White furls.Little Audrie is so lucky to have that adorable new wardrobe...and that wonderful mommy! Happy Mother's Day to my mom and all my sisters and sisters-in-law. I hope to be half as amazing as all of you when I'm a mommy!
May 10, 2008
Back to the phones
Yes, it's back to Frito for me. Week 1 was long. It was great to see everyone again, but there's only one other college girl there now and she's only working two days a week. Hopefully it'll start going by faster. Here's a little taste of the phone lines and mailboxes.
Best names
Keni (like Kenny)
Joe An
Ta'keria
Christella
Windsor (that was a guy, don't worry)
Best town name
Fuquay Varina, NC--who named that?
Weakest prank attempts
A teenage boy: "I like popcorn."
A group of teenage boys: "Are there more sharks or humans in the world?"
The Teen Girl Squad: "I have a swarm of locusts in my Doritos bag!"
Do you notice a trend here?
Worst foreign matter
A foul-smelling, liquidy substance that the consumer said was vomit. One of my coworkers was also unfortunate enough to OPEN an envelope with vomit INSIDE. People are so gross.
Biggest overstatement
It really bugs when people pass around the phone, as in this example. I talked to a guy who was upset that something wasn't kosher, while his girlfriend was yelling in the background. Then she got on the phone and said, "I don't know why you don't just make all your products kosher. You're losing a lot of business. I spend hundreds of dollars a month on your products and that's just me--there's also my family and friends. There are thousands of us in this town!" I'm sure there are thousands in Syracuse, but I'd bet they don't all feel that strongly about the matter...or spend hundreds of dollars a month on chips.
Worst chip put-down
"They're just not satisfying as food! They're no fun to eat!"
Most uptight caller
The guy who was mad that his bag was marked $2.99 and the store charged him $3.00. He hung up on me.
Best mispronunciation
I got the usual Salsa con Queso crowd, but one lady thought Tangy Tomato Ranch was "tan-gee" with a j sound.
Best call from BYU
It was my only call from BYU, but if it wasn't, it would still win. A guy answered and said, "Hey, Summer, I'm here with my buddy eating some Lay's Stax and we just wanted to tell you how much better they are than Pringles. They're so much more substantial, you know? I just get so much more joy from Stax than from Pringles!" When I asked him where he was calling from and he said Provo, I almost cracked up.
Best voice
The guy who sounded like a DJ and kept saying, "Yes ma'am, whatever you need." He was interesting.
Longest call ever
I was on the phone with this guy for 45 minutes. Seriously. I know because he remarked after we had been talking for about 4 minutes that it was 9:23 and we hung up at 10:04. 45 minutes. He talked about his dad's WWII days, his service in the US Coast Guard, Navy, and Royal Canadian Air Force, the Alamo, Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders, good parenting, Dr. Doolittle, his suggestions for new products and flavors, pay raises, why I should ask for a 30% raise, company executives who do nothing, Memorial Day, the Moulin Rouge, Sunchips, good parenting, Québec, good-looking women, marriage, avoiding Chinese products because they're all poisoned, his appreciation for me and a great company like Frito, departed spirits and guardian angels, the importance of supporting the economy, Texas pride, the history of the flag, the meaning of "French onion," and the "navy" coffee he makes that his wife loves. After he mentioned he was on the Oregon coast, I wondered where...until the end of the conversation when he said Coos Bay. It made me really happy. And his name is Joseph Joseph.
Letters
Hey my name is Cesar Valle I'm writing to let you all know about my favorite snack Cheetos. I always eat cheetos if there's ever something that my mom makes I don't like I just grab a bag of cheetos and start eating. If there would never be any cheetos I would be really hungry all the time because they always fill me up when im hungry.
I've heard of the cheetos crackers but I have never tried them. They look good on the commercials like there's no way it could be a cracker but they look good. I really want to try some but there hasn't been any in any in the stores.
I like eating the cheetos all the time whenever I buy a small thirty cent bag I finish them like nothing. Luckily they made the one dollar bags those are good there always what I need when im hungry. So thanks for making the one dollar bag it's much better.
Well if u guys ever get the cheetos crackers can u guys please contact me so I can buy some. Ill never stop buying cheetos and Frito lay products there the best.
Can you tell the next two were the result of the same school assignment? It's always fun to compare when that happens.
To Whom It May Concern:
I am writing to inform you of my thoughts about your product Spicy Sweet Chili Doritos. These are the best Doritos I've ever tasted. I like this so much I'm writing this letter. I also like the colors the bag had. I can't wait for your next new bag of Doritos. Thank you for your time.
To Whom It May Concern:
I am writing to inform you of my thoughts about your product Spicy Sweet Chili Doritos. What I think of your product is that it tastes delicious. When I saw the package of the Spicy Sweet Chili Doritos it got my attention quick! Thank you for your time.
Dear Flame' in Hot Cheetos:
I am from Brook Park and in the 5th grade. My name is Darrell and I love you Hot Cheetos. In addition, I think that the cheetah is the coolest thing I have seen. I also think that your cheetos are the most popular creativity idea. Brook Park's 5th grades are doing a pinewood derby. In addition, I would love your permission to use your logo on my pinewood derby car. If you would like to send posters, stickers, and any other form of advertisement I would be glad to display the day of the contest. Thank you in advance for your time and support.
Dear Sir
I purchased 3 boxes of your assorted Lays Stax potato chips and was very disappointed when I opened boxes and found the chips all broken up into pieces. Taste of chips satisfying but not happy the condition they were in. Container seems very flexible so damage could be in handling along the way. Love your products and feel this should be brought to someones attention. Thank you for taking time to read this. Hope to hear from you.
Most long-winded, caps-loving correspondant
My name is Sue Vass I am a married mother of four. I have been purchasing Frito Lay products for many years. One of our family favorites has been your nacho cheese Doritos. However I sopped purchasing them two years ago when my husband was diagnosed with Celiac Sprue. Incase you aren't familiar with Celiac, it means he can't have any wheat, oats, malt, rye or barley (everything has to be GLUTEN FREE) in his everyday diet. Your nacho cheese Doritos contain wheat, not only is this a problem for people who have Celiac but it is also a problem for anyone who is just allergic to wheat in general.
I am writing to you because last year you came out with Wild White Nachos and they were WONDERFUL they reminded us of your nacho cheese Doritos but so much better. My family and friends voted everyday to try to keep Wild White Nacho the winner of the contest you were having buy unfortunately the other flavor won. I am asking you to please consider bringing back Wild White Nachos not only for people who have Celiac Sprue but for the millions of people who are allergic to wheat and miss having nacho cheese Doritos.
I know you have other Doritos that don't contain wheat like Spicy Nacho and some other flavors but THEY ARE NOT THE SAME. Especially when you have been eating nacho cheese flavor for 20 something years and all of a sudden you can't have been anymore.
I know alot of companies don't like to label their products "Gluten Free" but you could put on the front of your bags Wheat Free, believe me I am a label reader since my husband was diagnosed and if I see a product that states something on the front like Wheat Free it gets my attention and then I turn the item over to read what else is in the product.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE consider bringing back the Wild White Nacho Doritos. If I knew they were only going to be out for a limited time I would have bought several cases of them. Thank you for listening.
Most casual, unenthusiastic compliment (it was hastily handwritten)
Miss Vickie,
Someone in my office offered me some of your Jalapeno Kettle Cooked potatoe chips. I didn't think I would like them because I don't usually like Jalapeno. I went out for lunch and picked up a bag and really enjoyed them. Just wanted you to know they are really good.
Biggest fan of cheeze
Dear Sir or Madem:
I love your Nacho Cheeze Doritos chips their the best in the country. They really taste like Nacho Cheeze. We always run out at home thats how much I like them. I like to put nacho cheeze on it to make it taste extra cheezey. I think you have great ideas for flavors like coolranch and guacamole.
The "Is this for real?" award
To whom it may concern
Dear Frito Lay company
First please let me say that my hole family & I have ben
loyal life long consumers of your wonderful variety of Frito Lay products. Im writing to inform you that recently
I
purchased your flaver 1oz 24 pack. I purchased it at top
food on canyon road on the 22nd of April.
Upon opening, I was suprized to learn that there wher
three bags of Doritos nacho cheese three bags of doritos
cool ranch three bags of Lays barbecue three bags of
Lays sour cream & onion and nine 1oz bags of cheeto crunchy for A total of only 21 bags. Please be ashured
that the 21 bags instead of the 24 that is advertised on
the bag and the ninebags of cheetos will in no way
discurage us from being loyal consumers of Frito Lay.
We are sur this was nathing more than A hicup.
Still we thought that you at Frito Lay would like to know.
the numbers on the bottom of the bag below the purchase prise is (28400-04306).
Sincerely
The Mangan family
Dear Sir or madam
My name is Kevin Beecher
I am a student in the 5th grade at P.S. 3 on staten Island.
In science we have begun studying our healthy planet. We are discussing ways to reduse soild waste. Doritos is my favorite snack. I would like to know how much recycled materials you use in packing Doritos.
While you are ansering my letter can you please send me some samples so I can share with my class. there are 5 students in my class
Thank you for answering my letter.
Customer Service:
Just a short note to let you know what I think of your new product Cracker Crisps.
1. They are not at all like the Lays chips.
2. All the ingredients are nothing more than all preservation.
3. They taste real affull.
4. I spent $5 for two bags and I tossed one whole bag in the garbage.
Take Lays name off this product. Please don't ruin Lays with this crap. They are not healthy!!!!!
Best names
Keni (like Kenny)
Joe An
Ta'keria
Christella
Windsor (that was a guy, don't worry)
Best town name
Fuquay Varina, NC--who named that?
Weakest prank attempts
A teenage boy: "I like popcorn."
A group of teenage boys: "Are there more sharks or humans in the world?"
The Teen Girl Squad: "I have a swarm of locusts in my Doritos bag!"
Do you notice a trend here?
Worst foreign matter
A foul-smelling, liquidy substance that the consumer said was vomit. One of my coworkers was also unfortunate enough to OPEN an envelope with vomit INSIDE. People are so gross.
Biggest overstatement
It really bugs when people pass around the phone, as in this example. I talked to a guy who was upset that something wasn't kosher, while his girlfriend was yelling in the background. Then she got on the phone and said, "I don't know why you don't just make all your products kosher. You're losing a lot of business. I spend hundreds of dollars a month on your products and that's just me--there's also my family and friends. There are thousands of us in this town!" I'm sure there are thousands in Syracuse, but I'd bet they don't all feel that strongly about the matter...or spend hundreds of dollars a month on chips.
Worst chip put-down
"They're just not satisfying as food! They're no fun to eat!"
Most uptight caller
The guy who was mad that his bag was marked $2.99 and the store charged him $3.00. He hung up on me.
Best mispronunciation
I got the usual Salsa con Queso crowd, but one lady thought Tangy Tomato Ranch was "tan-gee" with a j sound.
Best call from BYU
It was my only call from BYU, but if it wasn't, it would still win. A guy answered and said, "Hey, Summer, I'm here with my buddy eating some Lay's Stax and we just wanted to tell you how much better they are than Pringles. They're so much more substantial, you know? I just get so much more joy from Stax than from Pringles!" When I asked him where he was calling from and he said Provo, I almost cracked up.
Best voice
The guy who sounded like a DJ and kept saying, "Yes ma'am, whatever you need." He was interesting.
Longest call ever
I was on the phone with this guy for 45 minutes. Seriously. I know because he remarked after we had been talking for about 4 minutes that it was 9:23 and we hung up at 10:04. 45 minutes. He talked about his dad's WWII days, his service in the US Coast Guard, Navy, and Royal Canadian Air Force, the Alamo, Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders, good parenting, Dr. Doolittle, his suggestions for new products and flavors, pay raises, why I should ask for a 30% raise, company executives who do nothing, Memorial Day, the Moulin Rouge, Sunchips, good parenting, Québec, good-looking women, marriage, avoiding Chinese products because they're all poisoned, his appreciation for me and a great company like Frito, departed spirits and guardian angels, the importance of supporting the economy, Texas pride, the history of the flag, the meaning of "French onion," and the "navy" coffee he makes that his wife loves. After he mentioned he was on the Oregon coast, I wondered where...until the end of the conversation when he said Coos Bay. It made me really happy. And his name is Joseph Joseph.
Letters
Hey my name is Cesar Valle I'm writing to let you all know about my favorite snack Cheetos. I always eat cheetos if there's ever something that my mom makes I don't like I just grab a bag of cheetos and start eating. If there would never be any cheetos I would be really hungry all the time because they always fill me up when im hungry.
I've heard of the cheetos crackers but I have never tried them. They look good on the commercials like there's no way it could be a cracker but they look good. I really want to try some but there hasn't been any in any in the stores.
I like eating the cheetos all the time whenever I buy a small thirty cent bag I finish them like nothing. Luckily they made the one dollar bags those are good there always what I need when im hungry. So thanks for making the one dollar bag it's much better.
Well if u guys ever get the cheetos crackers can u guys please contact me so I can buy some. Ill never stop buying cheetos and Frito lay products there the best.
Can you tell the next two were the result of the same school assignment? It's always fun to compare when that happens.
To Whom It May Concern:
I am writing to inform you of my thoughts about your product Spicy Sweet Chili Doritos. These are the best Doritos I've ever tasted. I like this so much I'm writing this letter. I also like the colors the bag had. I can't wait for your next new bag of Doritos. Thank you for your time.
To Whom It May Concern:
I am writing to inform you of my thoughts about your product Spicy Sweet Chili Doritos. What I think of your product is that it tastes delicious. When I saw the package of the Spicy Sweet Chili Doritos it got my attention quick! Thank you for your time.
Dear Flame' in Hot Cheetos:
I am from Brook Park and in the 5th grade. My name is Darrell and I love you Hot Cheetos. In addition, I think that the cheetah is the coolest thing I have seen. I also think that your cheetos are the most popular creativity idea. Brook Park's 5th grades are doing a pinewood derby. In addition, I would love your permission to use your logo on my pinewood derby car. If you would like to send posters, stickers, and any other form of advertisement I would be glad to display the day of the contest. Thank you in advance for your time and support.
Dear Sir
I purchased 3 boxes of your assorted Lays Stax potato chips and was very disappointed when I opened boxes and found the chips all broken up into pieces. Taste of chips satisfying but not happy the condition they were in. Container seems very flexible so damage could be in handling along the way. Love your products and feel this should be brought to someones attention. Thank you for taking time to read this. Hope to hear from you.
Most long-winded, caps-loving correspondant
My name is Sue Vass I am a married mother of four. I have been purchasing Frito Lay products for many years. One of our family favorites has been your nacho cheese Doritos. However I sopped purchasing them two years ago when my husband was diagnosed with Celiac Sprue. Incase you aren't familiar with Celiac, it means he can't have any wheat, oats, malt, rye or barley (everything has to be GLUTEN FREE) in his everyday diet. Your nacho cheese Doritos contain wheat, not only is this a problem for people who have Celiac but it is also a problem for anyone who is just allergic to wheat in general.
I am writing to you because last year you came out with Wild White Nachos and they were WONDERFUL they reminded us of your nacho cheese Doritos but so much better. My family and friends voted everyday to try to keep Wild White Nacho the winner of the contest you were having buy unfortunately the other flavor won. I am asking you to please consider bringing back Wild White Nachos not only for people who have Celiac Sprue but for the millions of people who are allergic to wheat and miss having nacho cheese Doritos.
I know you have other Doritos that don't contain wheat like Spicy Nacho and some other flavors but THEY ARE NOT THE SAME. Especially when you have been eating nacho cheese flavor for 20 something years and all of a sudden you can't have been anymore.
I know alot of companies don't like to label their products "Gluten Free" but you could put on the front of your bags Wheat Free, believe me I am a label reader since my husband was diagnosed and if I see a product that states something on the front like Wheat Free it gets my attention and then I turn the item over to read what else is in the product.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE consider bringing back the Wild White Nacho Doritos. If I knew they were only going to be out for a limited time I would have bought several cases of them. Thank you for listening.
Most casual, unenthusiastic compliment (it was hastily handwritten)
Miss Vickie,
Someone in my office offered me some of your Jalapeno Kettle Cooked potatoe chips. I didn't think I would like them because I don't usually like Jalapeno. I went out for lunch and picked up a bag and really enjoyed them. Just wanted you to know they are really good.
Biggest fan of cheeze
Dear Sir or Madem:
I love your Nacho Cheeze Doritos chips their the best in the country. They really taste like Nacho Cheeze. We always run out at home thats how much I like them. I like to put nacho cheeze on it to make it taste extra cheezey. I think you have great ideas for flavors like coolranch and guacamole.
The "Is this for real?" award
To whom it may concern
Dear Frito Lay company
First please let me say that my hole family & I have ben
loyal life long consumers of your wonderful variety of Frito Lay products. Im writing to inform you that recently
I
purchased your flaver 1oz 24 pack. I purchased it at top
food on canyon road on the 22nd of April.
Upon opening, I was suprized to learn that there wher
three bags of Doritos nacho cheese three bags of doritos
cool ranch three bags of Lays barbecue three bags of
Lays sour cream & onion and nine 1oz bags of cheeto crunchy for A total of only 21 bags. Please be ashured
that the 21 bags instead of the 24 that is advertised on
the bag and the ninebags of cheetos will in no way
discurage us from being loyal consumers of Frito Lay.
We are sur this was nathing more than A hicup.
Still we thought that you at Frito Lay would like to know.
the numbers on the bottom of the bag below the purchase prise is (28400-04306).
Sincerely
The Mangan family
Dear Sir or madam
My name is Kevin Beecher
I am a student in the 5th grade at P.S. 3 on staten Island.
In science we have begun studying our healthy planet. We are discussing ways to reduse soild waste. Doritos is my favorite snack. I would like to know how much recycled materials you use in packing Doritos.
While you are ansering my letter can you please send me some samples so I can share with my class. there are 5 students in my class
Thank you for answering my letter.
Customer Service:
Just a short note to let you know what I think of your new product Cracker Crisps.
1. They are not at all like the Lays chips.
2. All the ingredients are nothing more than all preservation.
3. They taste real affull.
4. I spent $5 for two bags and I tossed one whole bag in the garbage.
Take Lays name off this product. Please don't ruin Lays with this crap. They are not healthy!!!!!
May 4, 2008
The shortest walk ever
Continuing my Paris chronicles...we tried one day to do one of the two assigned walks in the Jewish neighborhood, which is cool, but things were working against us. There weren't many photo ops, it started raining, and the things we were supposed to visit were either closed or uninteresting.
We had to write a paper on French furniture in the Louvre...I would much rather have just looked at it and not written about it. But that has nothing to do with the walk.
It's Andre and son!
The Swiss cultural center. There's a Swedish one too, Kace!
The national archives, where we arrived at closing time.
Better luck next time.
We had to write a paper on French furniture in the Louvre...I would much rather have just looked at it and not written about it. But that has nothing to do with the walk.
It's Andre and son!
The Swiss cultural center. There's a Swedish one too, Kace!
The national archives, where we arrived at closing time.
Better luck next time.
How to have a rockin' crepe party
1. Invite some of the coolest classmates on the planet to your house when the fam's out of town.
2. Use said fam's tried-and-true recipe and amazing crepe maker to turn out the tasty things by the baker's dozens.
3. Bring Nutella.
Lots and lots.
4. Stuff crepes with ham, cheese, chocolate, bananas, lemon juice and sugar. Just not together.
5. After stuffing yourselves with millions of delicious little crepes, have a stick-out-your-pooch contest. Declare Diane the winner.
6. Enjoy good music and conversation...
7. And post-dinner snacks and drinks, since 500 crepes wasn't enough.
8. Retire to the living room to be serenaded by the smooth sounds of Mike's guitar and entertained by the funniest French movie ever with the best West Side Story gang scene besides the one in West Side Story.
April 30, 2008
Day 5: More castles and Chartres
As we were leaving the next morning, I snapped a shot of Eurah and Sarah with all their gear. They're going backpacking together after the semester.
This sign in the hotel made me laugh. Smile! You're being watched!
Clos-LucéWe got back on the bright pink bus we've all grown to know and love and went to this castle, most famous as the former home of Leonardo da Vinci. (We actually passed another castle walking to it, just a few hundred meters away, which is connected by an underground passage!)
These little witty/profound quotations from Leonardo were hanging all over. (Then I found out you're not supposed to take pictures inside. Dang it.) This one says "What can stop hate except love?" We decided that Ben Franklin must have stolen everything of Leonardo's and put his name on it.
It was built in the 15th century by a guy named Étienne le Loup (Stephen the Wolf--what a great name). Later, good old François I (been hearing that name a lot lately) got his hands on it and invited Leonardo to come stay there. Da Vinci brought three of his paintings, including the Mona Lisa, which is why it's in the Louvre today. He spent the last three years of his life at Clos-Lucé and died there in 1519.
There were Leonardo contraptions all over the gardens, like this flying machine.
It was so pretty! I spent most of my time outside here too, like at Villandry.
A spinny thing. That's the technical name.
Is that kinda creepy or what?
Adorable bridge.
The front of the house.
Those of us who were on time waiting for the rest of the group, who were still out frolicking in the gardens.
BloisOn to the castle with the funny name. Yes, it sounds like "blah." Any one of the girls could say it and we'd all start laughing. Ironically, I thought this one was one of the less exciting castles. :) It has three wings built by the first three kings to live in it: Louis XII, François I and Henri III, who had his enemy the Duke of Guise and his brother killed here. Nice guy. After that, Henri IV moved in, and on his death, his widow Marie de Medici who had been kicked out of her son Louis XIII's court for too much political meddling. In 1626 Louis gave Blois to his brother as a wedding gift--nice gift! By the time the Revolution rolled around, it had been abandoned for over a century and in true revolutionary style, they ransacked it and stripped it of anything valuable. It was saved from demolition when it went back into use as a military barracks. In 1841, it finally became a historical monument and museum under King Louis-Phillipe, who was all about historical preservation.
Just how many fleur-de-lis can you stick on the inside of a castle? Here at Blois, I think they tried to answer that question.
A really old piano!
The Louis XII wing.
Does that golden salamander above the fireplace look familiar?
No, they didn't just bring in the horses and costumed guys for ambiance...
They were filming a TV movie! I'm practically famous.
It was also here that Joan of Arc came to be blessed by the Archbishop of Reims before taking her army to chase off the English at Orléans.
We walked around town a little to find some lunch, and as usual, I found a window to photograph. Chocolate chicks and cows, okay, but fish?? I'm not sure I'd want to eat them even in that form.
We lunched at this little park, which I'm pretty sure is the most beautiful green spot I've ever seen. The pictures don't do it justice. I really wanted to climb all over the trees.
Part of our happy little group: Janae, Susie, Jeff, Serena...
Diane, Sarah, Nicole, and Cassandra.
The church next to the park.
Possibly the funniest picture ever of Rochelle, Emma, and Jacqueline.
ChambordThe biggest castle ever. At least the biggest in the Loire Valley. And there were quite a few people there. It's a miracle I got a shot without any of them. This one was built by--guess who?--François I, for some countess in the 16th century. He didn't actually live there--the only person who did was Louis XV's father-in-law, a Polish king--it was just his hunting lodge. Its ginormous size and location nowhere near a village made it too impractical to inhabit, even for a king. His permanent residences were Blois, which we just visited, and Amboise, the one right by Leonardo's house. Some say Leonardo himself designed Chambord (including the really cool double-helix staircase that you'll see later), but no one knows for sure. François hosted Holy Roman Emperor Charles V here when it was nearing completion. The castle has 440 rooms, 365 fireplaces, and 84 staircases, and is surrounded by a 13,000-acre park and game reserve enclosed by a 20-mile wall. It is mind-bogglingly huge! Louis XIV later added a 1200-horse stable. During the Revolution, the furnishings--even the floors--were sold, and the wall panelings were removed and burned for warmth in the process. It was passed down some more, used a field hospital in the Franco-Prussian War (1870-71), passed down some more, and finally became the property of the French government in 1930. In 1944, an American bomber plane crashed on the lawn.
Roommies!
Logan picked this one. Ask him why it's cool.
The back, with its flag and little tower guys.
I have no idea what was up with this car. It was just sitting in the courtyard in its bubble, minding its own business--talk about random and incongruous. And why is the "made in Chambord" in English?
More turrets...François wanted Chambord to look like the skyline of Constantinople.
and a whole hall full of antlers!
Haleigh and Elizabeth waving from the opposite tower...
and a whole wall full of antlers! What's with these people and their obsession?
Those three girls goofing off again. Again, I was paranoid about them falling off. I'm sure you'll be glad to know they didn't.
More tower. There was graffiti everywhere--even Victor Hugo signed his name in the stone. I didn't see it, but Wikipedia told me.
Molière, the playwright we're studying this semester with Mme Welch.
His play Le Bourgeois Gentilhomme, which we just read, was first performed by him and his troupe in this room for Louis XIV. That's the really cool double-helix staircase.
Bro. and Sis. Welch being adorable.
Mike and Susie acting out one of our favorite scenes from the play.
One of the beautiful rooms we saw. (Looks just like your red room, Kace!) Most of the castle was unfurnished, though, because they had to bring all their stuff for hunting trips, including food.
Goofing off outside while the king's guards weren't looking.
Chartres A little history...according to legend, since 876 this site has been home to a tunic of the Virgin Mary that someone got from a crusade and gave to Charlemagne, and hence a popular site of religious pilgrimage. When the church here burned down in 1145, the relic was thought to be lost until three days later (interesting) when some priests emerged from the rubble with the tunic intact. A cardinal from Rome, who just happened to be visiting, announced it as a miracle. Construction on a cathedral was begun soon after, and although the first few attempts burned down, a craze of religion and buildin' overtook the locals. These people were not to be discouraged! Donations poured in from all over France, people started bringing in food and building supplies and even volunteered to haul the stone needed from a quarry 5 miles away. This was started in 1194 and finished in 1220--pretty impressive! Chartres is famous for its beautiful early 13th-century stained glass, especially the vivid blues. Amazingly, 152 of the original 186 windows survived. They were taken out during WWII and hidden in the countryside to protect them from German bombers. Also amazingly, the cathedral was not destroyed or looted by revolutionaries! They did want to blow it up and asked a local master mason to help them, but he saved it by pointing out that the rubble from the explosion would take years and years to clear away.We were a little road-weary by this time, but I was really excited to see Chartres, which is according to some the greatest of all French Gothic cathedrals. I don't know about that--I have a special place in my heart for Notre Dame, but Chartres was really cool.
I found this adorable little heart near the church.
Its famous mismatched towers. The Flamboyant-style tower on the left is 377 feet tall and dates from the 16th century. The one on the right is 349 feet tall and from the 1140s. The west facade (what you see here) is what remains of the previous church after the 1194 fire that also destroyed much of the town. That's when the people got a-buildin'.
This is the most famous window, known as the Blue Virgin. Even though it's very dark, you can still see the bright blues around her. No one to this day can duplicate Chartres' amazing blues (insert your own pun about the musical genre here). Bro. Welch had lots of fun telling us about the Good Samaritan parable illustrated on one of the windows. And like at Mont-St-Michel, we also got to sing here--"Lord, I Would Follow Thee," which we were working on for our Easter program. It was really cool. The place was pretty crowded, but everyone stopped to listen. Afterward, a woman stopped me and asked where we were from, so I told her a little about BYU and our program.
Mary's tunic, the relic that caused all the fuss.
One of the rose windows--they're so beautiful! Too bad it was so dark inside.
This was pretty much the only light source in the place. Is it really bad that every time I see candles in a church (which is a lot) I have this urge to blow them out?
Mike, Jacqueline and Emma ready to go back to Paris. What an awesome trip!
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